You drew stars around my scars

Day off

Jessica was laying awake in bed, worrying about the upcoming days. This was a common occurrence for her now – she absolutely dreaded going to the clinic. Everyone kept telling her it was just her trying to get out of eating but it didn't feel like it to her. It was an all consuming anxiety – a growing pit of nerves in her stomach and it wasn't getting any easier. If anything, it was getting harder because she was getting more and more tired having to fight those voices. She needed a break – needed some respite from it all.

As she laid there she began to get more and more worked up – her thoughts consuming her. The thought of spending another day at the clinic, with all the tears and frustration was too much. Before she could really register what she was doing, she stood up and got herself dressed into leggings and a hoodie. She decided to go out for a walk – to try and clear her head. She took her phone and a bottle of water, proud of herself for thinking ahead. She felt smug they all think I can't take care of myself but here I am, making sure to stay hydrated. She thought Taylor would be proud. But she hadn't really thought about the fact it was 5am and she was leaving the house – definitely not something Taylor would condone.

As she wandered around, her thoughts were still loud. She expected the fresh air and exercise to give her some clarity but instead she just found herself getting more worked up. She was frustrated with herself for not being able to switch off and the more frustrated she got, the more anxious she became. She knew she was going to be exhausted at the clinic today which would make it harder to eat and to engage in the therapy. She just wanted everything to pause – to give her time to calm herself down and get to a point where she was ready to accept the help but nobody understood this – they just kept pushing her, telling her it was for her own good.

As she glanced at the time on her phone, the reality hit her that she was wandering the streets before sunrise and she quickly recognised that Taylor was not going to be impressed on her ability to pack a bottle of water– she was going to absolutely freak out that she'd left in the first place.

She found a bench and sat down, trying to collect her thoughts and decide on what to do.

Throughout the next few minutes, the teen was completely torn – she knew if she went back home then Taylor would just force her back to the treatment centre in the morning which she didn't want but she also knew that if she stayed out then the blonde would wake up, realise she was gone and send a full blown search party out for her. Logically she knew that staying out would get her into even more trouble, but she also couldn't face the reality of going home and going to the clinic again for another day of torture.

She sighed, taking a deep breath before pulling out her phone and calling her only option – Tree.

As soon as the call connected, Tree's frantic tone came through "it's early, what's wrong?!"

Jessica took a shaky breath "I erm, I need help. Can you come please?"

Tree's voice was still frantic "what's going on?"

Jessica looked around, her heartrate increasing as she spoke up "I left..."

Tree's voice was confused now "you left? To go where?"

Jessica bit her lip, her voice less certain now "I just needed to clear my head – everything was so loud"

Tree sighed "where are you? I'll come and get you"

Jessica smiled softly "I'm at the park, I'll start to walk towards your house – meet you halfway?"

Tree rolled her eyes "No, stay there – do not move. I will be 10 minutes"

Tree pulled up and Jessica climbed into the car nervously. The redhead looked over the teen – checking she really was ok. Jessica fiddled with her fingers anxiously "have you told Tay?"