You drew stars around my scars

It's delicate

Thursday morning came around and Jessica's anxiety was even more heightened than normal. Taylor had mentioned they were seeing the doctor today but she wasn't too sure what was actually going to happen.

Tree came around for breakfast and she was going to wait at home and look after Emmeline who was still poorly.

As the three of them sat around the breakfast table, Jessica was poking at her food, pushing it around nervously "I just don't understand why we have to go! We know what meal plan to use, we know how much I have to eat, we have done it before. I don't need to see a doctor!"

Taylor sighed, tired of repeating herself "you need a doctor to monitor your physical health buddy, as well as therapy to help look after your mental health"

Jessica grumbled "but...why can't you do it? Why does it have to be a doctor?"

Taylor bit the inside of her lip, trying to keep her tone light "because we need a bit of extra help right now"

Jessica's eyes darked in temper "I don't need help, I just need...." She took a deep breath before continuing "the only way I feel safe is with these food rules. The rules I follow are the only way I don't feel like an anxious wreck. I NEED them. The anxiety of you taking them away is too much...I can manage this alone!"

Taylor looked at her, unsure what to say back to that. Tree noticed and stepped in immediately "You are doing what you think you need to do to feel safe. But we can see the bigger picture – we can see what you cant. We can see this is dangerous and that you need help – and we are going to give that to you, whether you want it or not"

Jessica glared at her "You don't get it. I can't eat. It feels like torture when you try to force me!"

Tree nodded, speaking softly but firmly "I do get it. I understand you feel it's torture. We force you to eat and we make you gag, make you feel sick, we make your stomach hurt and all of this just reinforces your belief that food is bad or hurting you. The anxiety you feel increases after you eat so you think it's better to skip – but you don't realise that the only way to push through the anxiety is to fight back. Hunger makes you feel empty and it's what you think you deserve but you don't. You deserve to eat. To be happy. We are going to help you get there"

The words seemed to fuel Jessica and she actually ate the rest of her breakfast without arguing. Once she had finished she headed upstairs to get ready.

Taylor turned to Tree "I never know if I am doing the right thing...I don't know how to help her without pushing her too far. Everything I do seems to make her more anxious"

Tree reached out, squeezing her hand gently "Tay, food makes her feel sick and anxious. Of course she is going to fight against it and avoid it. I meant what I said though – the only way out is through. You know that. You're just scared. But you cannot panic because it just means she will lose trust in you. You need to be the parent here and manage your own emotions and communicate clearly with her. You have to just keep supporting her no matter what!"

As they sat outside the doctors, Jessica was fiddling anxiously with her fingers. She turned to Taylor one last time "Please. PLEASE can we just go home?"

Taylor reached out, cupping her face "I am so sorry buddy but we can't. I love you so much and I wish I could do something to take this pain away but I can't – so we need to go in there and accept their help to get you healthy again once and for all"

Jessica nodded, biting her lip "you'll stay with me the whole time?"

Taylor knew the anxiety was bubbling up from being left at the hospital before so she took the teen's hand "yes I'll be with you the whole time. Take a deep breath and let's go"