You drew stars around my scars

Chapter 28

Andrea pulled up outside the treatment centre and Taylor felt Jessica physically stiffen beside her, she squeezed her hand gently and kissed the side of her head "All ready?"

Taylor watched as Jessica attempted to blink away the tears that had gathered in her eyes and nodded stiffly.

Andrea turned around to face the two of them and just as she was about to ask Jessica if she wanted her to come in the young girl stared straight at Taylor "I don't want to go. I want to come home with you." Taylor gulped and cupped the girls face "I know babe and you will soon enough, but we need you healthy first."

Andrea took the initiative and got out the car, opening the door for Jessica to climb out before grabbing the girls suitcases from the back. Taylor supported Jessica to get out of the car, keeping one arm round her waist as they walked slowly towards the entrance. When they were only a few feet from the door Jessica froze, her legs refusing to take her any further. Taylor didn't comment, just gently nudged her towards the door. As Jessica restarted walking Taylor let out a breathe, grateful she didn't have to physically force the girl in.

As soon as they entered the building Jessica gripped onto Taylor's hand tightly, scared to let her go.

The teen glanced around the building, noticing that Taylor was right – it was much less like a hospital but it still wasn't home.

A nurse greeted them and took the luggage off Andrea to be checked, another led Jessica, Taylor and Andrea to the girls new room.

As all three of them looked around Taylor began to feel the lump in her throat growing, she knew it was going to be difficult leaving the girl here but she didn't expect to feel so emotional about it. As Jessica stood close next to her, refusing to let go of her hand she realised how vulnerable the teen felt. She tried to smile reassuringly at the young girl but it came out more like a grimace. Andrea could sense both of them were on the verge of tears so intervened, she looked out the window "This is so beautiful!" as she turned back around she put her arm around Jessica's shoulder, gently guiding her away from Taylor. Both the women were surprised when the girl reluctantly let go of Taylor and allowed Andrea to guide her to the bed. They sat chatting for a few minutes before a Doctor came in, she looked at the three of them and sat in the chair opposite – smiling warmly.

"Good Morning! Welcome to Four Elms. We are excited to have you staying with us Jessica!" Andrea saw the teen instantly looking at Taylor, trying to get her attention but the blonde stared straight at the Doctor.

The doctor wasn't put off by the lack of response from the teen and continued anyway "We will be here to support you through your recovery. I don't want to go into too much detail today because I know it can feel overwhelming. The basics are: You will have 3 meals and 3 snacks a day – all of these will be monitored. Anything you don't eat will be recorded. You will be expected to make it up with supplements. If you don't eat – we will use the NG tube. The consequences of not eating are you miss out on privilege's. You won't be able to attend the group exercise classes, you will be under constant supervision, you will not get your phone calls or visits with your family. The more you eat – the more privileges you get. You will get to do days out, you will get home leave and obviously in time you will get to go home. You will not leave here until the whole treatment team is happy you are safe. Understood?" The teen nodded then looked down at her hands, feeling uncomfortable "How many calories a day do I have to eat?"

The doctor didn't miss a beat "We don't discuss calories or bargain about food. You will be given exactly what you need to gain weight and get well. You will be expected to gain 2-3lbs a week initially. We will work with the whole team to decide a healthy target weight for you." Jessica just nodded again – her heart pounding at the mention of a 2-3lb weight gain, she could never let herself gain that much. Taylor asked the doctor "will the meal plan start small or is it straight into it?" the doctor smiled gently "she needs a certain amount of calories a day – there is no point in waiting to build up with that. We go straight in with exactly what is needed. We don't bargain about what she eats, how she eats or when she eats. The dietician will send you a copy of the plan if you'd like"

Taylor thanked her and waited for her to continue but inside she was wondering how that would work – Jessica was barely touching food so expecting her to go to eating 3 full meals and 3 snacks a day didn't seem possible.

The doctor addressed Taylor once again "We have a parent app which will allow you to see Jessica's weight, her meal plan plus what the team have recorded she's eaten. You will be involved every step of the way. You can have a daily video call or telephone call. Visits are once a week – but as I just said, these are dependent on Jessica eating. If she doesn't then the visit is postponed for that week." Taylor nodded along but her heart hurt hearing that – knowing that she might not see Jessica for weeks if the girl didn't begin to recover.

The doctor then outlined the therapy and daily schedule to all of them then advised she would leave them alone for Jessica to unpack. She advised Andrea and Taylor could stay for another hour then it was lunchtime and they had to leave. The nurses brought in Jessica's checked suitcases and Andrea busied herself packing away the girl's belongings while Taylor chatted to Jessica who was physically shaking, the blonde tucked the teen's hair behind her ear as Jessica's leg bounced up and down. Taylor put her hand gently on the girls leg, attempting to calm her down "it's a big change, but I honestly think you'll settle in well here" Jessica swallowed back tears "They said 3lbs a week – it's too much Tay! I can't do that, I will be HUGE!" The desperation was evident in Jessica's voice and Taylor's heart clenched at the despair "they said 2 to 3lbs. But if that's what is going to make you healthy, then that's what you'll do. Remember that you don't have any choice about how much food you have to eat or weight you have to gain. You will be here as long you need to be" Jessica grabbed onto Taylor's hand "I want to come home. I'll eat at home, I promise!" Taylor squeezed her hand "you can't right now buddy, but you will. The more you eat, the more you engage with the therapy and the better you feel the sooner you'll get to come home. You're not going to be here forever – but it all depends on you putting the work in now." Jessica looked down, picking at her nails, she wanted to engage – to get better, but the fear of gaining weight was bigger than anything. Taylor tried a different method "You just need to try your hardest, you said in the car you were ready to recover. That you didn't want to feel like this anymore, that you didn't want to have the tube anymore. This is the way through that.". Jessica nodded, the tears spilling down her face "I don't, I don't want this" to pointed to the tube "but it's hard!" Taylor pulled her into a hug, "of course it is, but that's why everyone is here to help you. They're the experts – they're going to be in the best position to get you healthy again. I just need you to try." Jessica let the tears fall now "I will, I'll try. But can't you talk to them? I don't want to see you only once a week, I don't want to be left here alone". Taylor pulled back, sympathy on her face "Buddy I wish I could be here everyday too, but those are the rules, we have to stick to them – they're doing it for a reason. But I'll ring you everyday, you're going to be so sick of me." Jessica laughed lightly and helped Andrea pack the last of her things away.

Just as they finished the Doctor came in, asking Taylor and Andrea to leave so she could take Jessica to lunch. Andrea hugged the young girl, promising to come and visit then Jessica moved over to Taylor, hugging her tightly, Taylor felt the girl's flooding her shoulder and squeezed her hard, trying to convey that it was ok. After a couple of minutes the Doctor put her hand on Jessica's back – signalling it was time to go but the teen didn't let go of Taylor who tried to move away "Come on Buddy, it's time for lunch – you're gonna go with the Doctor and I will be back next week to see you. I'll ring you tomorrow, see how you're settling in and I'll check the app later to see what you've have to eat." When Jessica made no effort to let go the Doctor pulled gently on her arms, forcing her off of Taylor. Despite being free now Taylor found herself rooted to the spot – unable to leave when the girl was so clearly distressed.

Andrea put her arm round Taylor, steering her out of the room back to the car while the Doctor held Jessica back. Just as they exited the room Taylor turned back for one last look at the teen. Her own tears spilled as she saw Jessica once again sobbing and pulling to get to her. Taylor wanted to run back and take her home but she knew this was it – their last chance to get Jessica better and she was determined for this to work.