You drew stars around my scars

Frustrated

Taylor's recovery from the car accident was slow and painful. Her muscles kept spasming around her broken ribs and the cut from the chest drain was extremely tender.

She still couldn't use her shoulder or elbow properly – feeling pain whenever she tried to lift anything or bend it too far.

The first few days she could tolerate it all but as time went on she became very frustrated by it all.

Logically, she knew she needed to give her body time to recover but she felt impatient – she didn't want to be sore, she didn't want to feel so tired all the time and she definitely wanted to be able to look after Jessica and Emmeline independently again.

The biggest thing for her was this constant 'fog' she felt – they said it was from the bleed on the brain but Taylor found this the most irritating.

Andrea could tell she was getting frustrated with it and tried to keep her calm, worrying that any stress would increase her pain or somehow make the brain injury worse.

On Tuesday morning, Taylor woke up feeling more tired than when she went to sleep. She had been having terrible nightmares – replaying the accident over and over – it made her feel terrified and guilty. Although everyone kept telling her that Jessica's injuries were not her fault, she couldn't shake the guilt. She knew that if she wasn't who she was, the paparazzi wouldn't have been chasing her and Jessica wouldn't have been hurt. During the nightmares, the two of them were getting more and more hurt and Taylor's helplessness increased each time. There was a constant battle in her brain overnight and it was exhausting her.

The blonde padded downstairs, gritting her teeth in pain as she sat down at the table – she looked between Andrea, Emmeline and Jessica, smiling as she realised they had all settled into this new, weird routine.

Jessica smiled at her "Morning Tay, how are you feeling?"

Taylor nodded "I'm ok baby, how are you?"

Jessica smiled "I'm ok – did you sleep at all last night?"

Taylor's eyes widened momentarily before she nodded "yeah, I slept well – you don't have to worry about me. Have you had breakfast?"

Jessica nodded, biting her lip "yeah, I had cereal"

The blonde turned towards Andrea "did she finish it?"

Andrea nodded, squeezing the teen's hand kindly "she did, had it all with no problems – she prepared it all herself. What do you want for breakfast?"

Taylor scrunched her nose "I'll probably grab something a bit later, I am too sore at the moment"

Andrea's face softened "lets get you some painkillers then I can make you whatever you want..."

Taylor shook her head "nah it's ok – I don't want the morphine"

Andrea frowned slightly "why? They said you will need it for a couple of weeks...it's not good for your body to be in so much pain"

Taylor shrugged slightly "I don't want it"

Andrea's voice was stern now "Taylor, you can't push yourself too far. Just take the morphine, I can see you're in pain..."

The blonde shook her head before turning to Jessica – asking her to leave and go to the living room, as soon as the teen was out the room Andrea turned towards Taylor "why don't you want to take it? And I don't want to hear 'because', that's not an answer..."

Taylor sighed before looking directly back at Andrea "If I take it then I can't breastfeed PLUS it just makes me feel loopy and I can't look after the girls..."