You drew stars around my scars

Chapter 26

Taylor couldn't get to the hospital for the next two days – she had come down with a flu she was practically bedbound. She moved to go to the toilet, to get more drinks and that was it. Andrea visited her daily – restocking her supplies and keeping her company. Taylor asked her to visit Jessica too so she wasn't alone and Andrea gladly agreed. When Taylor asked about her though Andrea was very vague.

The day before Jessica was coming home for a few hours Taylor finally felt human enough to get out of bed and go and visit the hospital – Andrea had to drive her though. She planned to drop Taylor off then go shopping nearby until she was needed to pick Taylor up again. The whole journey to the hospital Taylor spoke with her mum about how excited she was to have Jessica home again. Andrea kept telling her to be cautious but Taylor payed no attention.

Soon they arrived at the hospital and Taylor ran into the building to avoid the cameras. She walked quickly to the ward, hoping nobody was following her today. As soon as she arrived at the ward she was pulled into a meeting with the doctors. Her excitement quickly faded when they informed her that Jessica hadn't eaten her meals and she wouldn't be coming home. They explained although Jessica was beginning to eat parts of the meals – she would not eat the whole meal in front of her. Taylor flitted between frustration and desperation as the doctors spoke. After listening for a while she asked the one question that had been bugging her the whole time "so what happens next week? This was supposed to be a 14 day admission, we are well over halfway and there is no real improvement – if anything she's eating less now than when she came in. if she is not safe enough to come home for a few hours – how can she come home in a few days full time?". The doctors shifted uncomfortably before admitting "She is not ready to come home, we feel she needs a long term placement in a treatment centre. It would allow for intensive counselling while undergoing re-feeding. The NG tube has served a purpose in that she is now not in immediate danger of cardiac arrest however that isn't a long term solution. Jessica needs support – more support than we can offer." Taylor felt her heart pounding – panic overtaking her own body as the realisation hit for the first time that Jessica wouldn't be coming home, that she would have to stay in a treatment centre for weeks, maybe months. She listened to the doctors tell her about different units and she realised she would have to be the one to tell the young girl. As soon as the Doctors were finished talking Taylor headed to Jessica's room, hesitating before walking in, she took a deep breath and knocked before pushing the door open slowly.

Jessica looked up as Taylor walked in, her eyes lighting up as she realised who it was "Hey Tay! Are you feeling better?" Taylor nodded and sat down quickly, holding the girl's hand as she spoke "I am thanks buddy. But we need to talk". Jessica swallowed loudly as she waited for Taylor to speak again "sweetheart, you haven't had your overnight leave granted. They said you're still not eating enough. They're going to increase your meal plan to sustain you more. You have to let them help you" The teen scoffed slightly "I can't physically finish what they're giving me, what's the point in giving me more when I can't even eat the current meal plan?" Taylor's eyes softened "I don't think it's that you can't eat the current meal plan – I think it's more that you don't want to. They're going to increase it because they need you to be eating more – they want to bring you up to a normal eating pattern."

Jessica rolled her eyes, mumbling under her breath. Taylor frowned slightly at her "you're not as upset as I thought you would be about the leave. I am super bummed – but it doesn't seem to have bothered you?". Jessica shrugged slightly "I mean, yeah sure it's frustrating. But I kind of knew it was going to happen. Obviously it would have been great to be back but it's not like it's much longer until I'm discharged. I don't get leave – that sucks but in 3 days I'll be home full time anyway."

The silence in the room was deafening as Taylor looked down at the blankets, swallowing the tears down before she spoke again "Buddy, you're not coming home in 3 days." Jessica's face changed immediately "what? It's been 2 weeks. They said a 14 day admission. It will have been 2 weeks. I get to leave." Taylor nodded slightly "they did say that, but I've just spoken to the doctors and they don't think you're well enough to go home. They've recommended we find a treatment centre. So yes, you're leaving the hospital – but no you don't get to come home. Not yet. Not until you're healthy".

Jessica lost control immediately, sobbing into her hands, she continued to beg and plead with Taylor but the blonde did not budge. She knew deep down this was what was needed. Finally when Jessica realised she wasn't getting anywhere she reached up, trying to pull the NG tube out of her nose. Taylor grabbed her hands down quickly and called for help, suddenly two nurses entered the room, followed by a Doctor. They attempted to calm the teen down but she was becoming more and more agitated. The doctor told her they would have to sedate her again if she didn't stop trying to pull the tube out – hearing this terrified the teen and she stopped thrashing around but she didn't calm down, instead focusing on all her anger on Taylor "GET OUT, LEAVE ME ALONE. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HELP ME THEN I DON'T WANT YOU HERE. I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN. I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! LEAVE ME ALONE! GO AWAY!"

The anger took Taylor by surprise – throughout this whole process Jessica had clung to Taylor, seeking comfort – she hadn't ever behaved like this before and knowing that the girl needed time to calm down Taylor quickly gathered her belongings and left. She practically ran out the hospital, back to her Mum's car again. As soon as Andrea hugged her Taylor broke down in tears herself – the emotions overcoming her. They sat in the car, hugging for the next few minutes until Taylor could finally talk again "She's not coming home Mum. She hasn't got her leave and they've said she needs to go to a treatment centre. She's not coming home!". Andrea cocked her head slightly "is it..is it really a surprise? That little girl needs some proper help – you have done what you can but it's going to take time. This last 11 days she hasn't improved at all, but we knew it would get worse before it got better. This is just the 'worse'. Don't see going to a treatment centre as a bad thing – see it as the final step in Jessica's recovery."

Taylor nodded along, knowing her Mum was speaking sense but she just wasn't ready to hear it yet.

As soon as they got home the two of them began researching treatment centres nearby and found one that had availability to take Jessica. Taylor set up a visit for the next day and asked her Mum to go with her to make sure it was suitable. She knew this could be Jessica's home for the next few months and she wanted to make it was the best place for her.

After dinner she called the ward to speak to Jessica – to try and smooth things over but the nurses told her that Jessica declined to take the call. Taylor's heart broke as the girl continued to push her away.

Andrea stayed at Taylor's that night, making sure she had dinner and actually got some rest. She knew Taylor hyper fixated on things and she didn't want her staying up all night again.

The next morning Taylor and Andrea set off to look round the centre – both of them liked it and they agreed that Jessica would be admitted on Monday. They didn't give definite timelines but were optimistic that Jessica would be home again within 8 weeks if she engaged in the treatments when she arrived.

Taylor hoped this was true. After all the girl had been through, she deserved to begin to recover and find some normality in life again.

Taylor went to the ward to visit Jessica but was informed that Jessica refused to see her, Taylor knew she was freezing her out as a way of regaining control but it still hurt. She trudged home and began to pack Jessica's belongings – preparing her for the months ahead.