My Rockstar's World

Chapter 72

The knocking continues, and now I feel a bit nervous. I really wish I still had the doorbell camera, but my parents were convinced that Bawdy would stalk me through it. No one should have been able to get past the front desk worker without permission.

My first instinct would have been to call Bawdy if I was scared, but I can't call him now.

I shuffle out of my bed and tip toe towards my door. Looking out the peep hole, I have to do a double take. I can hear my heart thumping in my chest. First from the adrenaline from being scared and now from surprise and anticipation.

This is one of those instances where I'm going to need to pinch myself, because I'm convinced that I'm still dreaming. But this feels too real.

It's him.

Bawdy is standing there, unless I've completely lost it and am now hallucinating.

I unlock the door and our eyes meet. At nearly the same time, we both say "I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" I ask. I'm still standing in the door way, blocking him from entering.

He doesn't even hesitate before replying. He meets my eyes with his bloodshot ones. "For bothering you when you clearly didn't want me to," he says while adverting his gaze from mine. "And for ruining your life. I'm sorry. I shouldn't even be here, but when I saw your message on my story... I just had to try one more time."

"I'm glad you realize that you ruined my life when you decided to completely ignore me. How do you think I felt not having you reach out to me even once? You told me you loved me and then, what? You got scared? You didn't want me anymore? Do you always tell girls you love them and then act like they don't exist?"

With each question that spews out of my mouth, I notice his face droop with more sadness. I'm rapid firing and being aggressive, but I don't care. He deserves it.

His brows furrow, and I wrap my arm tighter around myself, trying to hold my boobs in place in my oversized t-shirt. "You're the one who was ignoring me," he says without raising his voice. This is usually the point where he starts to yell in our arguments.

"No, why would I do that?" Now I'm even more confused. "You're the one who didn't want to talk to me since I'm such a 'media nuisance,'" I say while adding air quotes.

"Who told you that? Gianna, I must have sent you hundreds of texts and calls, even though they all went to voicemail."

"No, you didn't. And my parents told me they saw you being annoyed at the hospital."

"Yes, I did. Here, look," he says while pulling out his phone. I gasp as I look at all of the texts that he sent me.

"Did your parents also tell you that they wouldn't let me see you?" I can see the sadness in his eyes. "They told me that you wanted nothing to do with me and that I was ruining your life." Moisture starts to cover his eyes, threatening to break free.

My mouth hangs open as I process everything. "They told me that you wanted nothing to do with me." Oh my God. "Oh my God. I'm so stupid."

I feel sick.

I pull him inside, and the touch of my hand against his wrist is strong enough to ignite a fire. It was a quick touch, but I've been so deprived of having his skin against mine.

I hurry into my bedroom and grab my phone, showing Bawdy how I didn't get any of those messages. It doesn't take us long after that point to realize that my fucking parents had blocked his number when getting me a new phone and deleted any texts that he sent before that.

They're supposed to be the people who I trust the most in this world, but they just completely destroyed that trust. It was wavering a bit recently, but this just pushed it over the edge. I see red when thinking about them. Fiery fucking pits of red Hell. I can't even bring myself to want to think about them without feeling sick to my stomach.

"I wanted you every second of every day, but I thought that you were done with me. I felt so responsible for you getting hurt. I thought that's why you never wanted to see me again." Bawdy starts to say.

"Well, that makes two of us, and it was in no way your fault. I made my own choice to crowd surf."

"I know, but I just wish I had been there to catch you."

"You can't always be there when I fall."

Bawdy steps closer towards me, closing the distance. Neither of us sat down yet on my bed. "But I'll do everything in my power to prevent you from even falling. And if you do, I want to be the one who picks you up."

I can't take the distance any longer. I wrap my arms around his waist and nuzzle my head into his chest. I don't even realize that I'm crying at this point. Bawdy runs his hand down the back of my hair. He pulls away just enough to wipe the tears from my face.

"There's no need to cry, baby girl. I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere."

For some reason that makes me cry even harder. "But you are going somewhere. You're going to Amsterdam next month."

He grabs my chin with his hand and turns my head to look into my eyes. "And you're coming with me. You already got into the study abroad."

"I know, but I lost my scholarship, and I don't think I can afford it."

"What have I told you before? You should never have to worry about paying for things while I'm around. And before you start to argue with me, think about this as something for me more than you. I can't lose my muse." He sarcastically adds, "Just think about it as a need for my career. You don't want me to fall off because of you?"

"I'm sure you'd do just fine without me. I heard your new song."

"Good, because it was about you."

I swallow trying to think of what to even say in response to that. There's something so emotionally deep about knowing that you inspired someone to write a song about you. Not just any song. One of the best, most beautifully crafted songs that I've ever heard in my life.

That must have been why I felt so much when I heard it. It's exactly how he feels about me.

"It's kind of different from your usual stuff. Is that okay?" I ask. I know now that he wasn't the one who blamed me for any negative press, but I don't want him to change his music for me. He's talked about how his label wants him to keep producing the same sort of music since it's doing so well.

"Oh, that's right. You didn't get any of my texts. You don't even know about Chelsea," he says before filling me in on how Chelsea was the one who leaked his nude.

I'm speechless. It really sucks that we were both hurt by people close to us who were supposed to have our best interests in mind.

That must be why we keep being drawn to one another. At the end of the day, we're at the point where we are going to trust only one another without a fault.

"Promise me that you'll never leave me again," I say while wrapping around him tightly as if he'll run away if I don't.

"That promise goes both ways. You're mine, and I can't wait for the world to know it. I love you so much, G." Bawdy pulls back just enough to lift my head towards him. I go up on my tippy toes and meet his mouth.

With the feeling of his lips against mine, our palpable longing is extinguished. His warmth spreads throughout me. And I know this is the right decision for my life.

I don't care who doesn't want us together.

I'm never letting any one try to drive us apart again.