My Rockstar's World

Chapter 70

*Bawdy's POV*

Well, thank God that she's alive. I would have known immediately if she died. I swallow hard even at the thought of something like that happening to her.

I wouldn't be able to take it.

I don't want to live without her. I can't.

I had been sending her texts every day until she finally texted me. I know that people are supposed to avoid electronics with a concussion, but it seemed obsessive that it took her that long to respond to me.

What if what her parents told me is true? She thinks that this is all my fault and wants nothing to do with me.

I take a long drink from my glass and set it down.

It's Thanksgiving afternoon, but I don't feel any holiday spirit. Holidays aren't really my thing anyways. I'm usually traveling or working, so I never get much of a break.

The warm humid weather of Florida doesn't help either. Miami screams spring break, not happy family time.

Mary convinced me (with the power of Jen begging) to come spend Thanksgiving with them and their dad in Miami. Outside of Gianna, those are the only two girls who I couldn't say no to if I tried.

After turning my phone out of airplane mode, I go to look at my calls and almost drop my drink looking at two missed calls from Gianna. She tried to reach out, and I didn't have any fucking service. Of course.

I immedielty call her back, but my call goes straight to voicemail. I call again. And again. And again.

All the calls keep going to voicemail. I grip my glass hard enough that it could almost break.

My mind immediately goes to the worse case possible. Something bad must have happened to her. Why won't my calls even go through?

I shouldn't have went to Miami. I should be in the same state as her, waiting for her to let me back into her life.

Her life, which I played a part in ruining. Her parent's words echo in my head.

Sure, I'm no saint, but I wouldn't say that I'm ruining her. I'm helping her have a fun time, and they don't realize that these are still her choices.

But, what if she wouldn't have fell if it weren't for the coke and all the drinks I gave her? I feel anger brewing in my chest. It's not anger towards anyone else. It's anger towards myself.

Gianna was perfect. She is perfect, and she got hurt when I should have been watching out for her. Fuck, all I've been doing is hurting this girl, and this time it's not in a mental way. I played a part in her being physically hurt, and it wasn't for her own pleasure.

I send her multiple texts apologizing for anything and everything, but my texts aren't delivering. I try calling her a few more times later that day, but all of my calls go to voicemail.

I continue texting and calling, day after day. The singular days become a week and then two. She hasn't responded.

After two weeks of trying, I finally stop. How didn't I see this earlier? She must have blocked me.

Usually, I'd try to find her and fight for her back in person, but I don't have it in me at this point. She might be alive and hopefully doing fine, but a piece of me is dead.

She's gotten upset for me not respecting giving her space before, so I can't just barge into her life when she clearly doesn't want me. No point in making her angrier than she must already be.

Her parents even removed the security cameras that I had set up for her. I hope she's staying safe. She wouldn't have even needed those if it wasn't for me. I might not be better off without her, but she is clearly better off without me.

This is what I get for having fucking feelings and trusting someone, loving someone.