My Rockstar's World

Chapter 71

*Gianna's POV*

I slam my laptop closed after checking my last grade that got inputted. Somehow I passed every class. It definitely takes off some pressure about worrying about if I'd have to retake anything or have to wait until fall to finish up.

I'm going to graduate on time as long as I don't fuck up next semester.

I might have passed, but definitely not with flying colors. In fact, the colors were quite dull, basically black. And that translates to me losing my scholarship, because I didn't keep my GPA up.

I have enough saved up, and I plan to work a lot over break, so I should be fine with paying for my classes on a payment plan. I just won't be able to afford the study abroad.

At this point, I'm not even sure if want to go. I wouldn't be able to think of anything but him if I were to go. It was supposed to be our thing.

That was until I became a liability for his brand, and he'd rather choose that over me.

Not a single text or call from him since I tried to reach out.

I know that he can be cruel, but to completely ice me out is sickening. I put the ball in his court by reaching out first, and he never returned it.

I open up a bottle of wine and bring it into my room. I've worked my ass off since after Thanksgiving, and I'm cleared to drink. I'll at least celebrate passing. It's the only good thing in my life right now.

I'm not usually huge on drinking alone, but Kennedy is spending the night at David's (love that for her), so I'm all alone for the night. Luckily, having to devote all of my energy towards school helped to distract me from the dickhead who is Bawdy.

Now that I'm freed from those worries, I know that it's inevitable before I fall into a pit of despair about him not wanting me. I pour half the bottle into a glass.

Feeling nothing and not being able to form my own thoughts sounds like the best solution at the moment.

After finishing up almost the whole bottle, I make the mistake of scrolling through Instagram. It's nearly three in the morning, but I don't think I'll be sleeping any time soon. Of course, Bawdy's story is first on my list on top. My next questionable decision of the night comes when I play it.

There's some pictures from tonight. He obviously was playing a show tonight. I'm already in this deep. I might as well turn up my volume at a video of him playing.

It's just him and an acoustic guitar.

I've never heard him play this song before, and it just seems different from his other music. And then the lyrics start. I don't blink once while watching, not wanting to miss a millisecond.

He sounds so good. And he looks so good doing it.

But this song...

It's filled with so much emotion about falling for someone. Very different from his fucking bitches songs.

If this was a month ago, I would have immediately thought that this song is about me. At this point, I'm not even sure. For all I know, he could have moved on that quickly and found himself someone else. Someone who would never hold him back or cause him any trouble.

Maybe it is about me, but did he just use me as an inspiration? Used me to feel some sort of emotion just to write a song. It felt so real to me, but now I'm scared he was just putting on an act.

This might be the alcohol controlling me, but I can't help myself from wanting to reply to his story. These lyrics. They're just too good. It's like I can feel them dancing inside of me. No matter how mad I am at him, I can't discredit his talent. I know that he talked about being stuck in a writing rut, and this song proves that he has moved far out of that. I at least want him to know that I care, even if it can only be from a distance.

I type out "Fuck this is so good" but hesitate on sending it. Does that sound stupid? I could think of something better but I literally can't think when the room is spinning. It's already hard enough to focus on my phone.

I decide to just send it. Let my message get lost with the million of other obsessive fans. He might not even ever see it, but it somehow helps me feel like I'm getting some closure. I can never bring myself to hate him, and I hope that he knows that.

I endlessly scroll through others enjoying their lives now that finals are done. After making myself feel ever sadder about myself, I pick up my glass to finish my wine. But I find my glass empty. Guess I already finished and didn't even realize.

I also didn't realize how late it is and how sleepy this wine is making me. I let my eyelids fall heavy, and I drift off into sleep.

Not even sure if it's sleep or I'm basically blacking out from this bottle that I drank way too fast.

I'm not sure what time it is, but I wake up to the sound of pounding on the front door. I'm still tired, but I force my eyes open. Maybe Kennedy forgot her key, but I don't have any messages or calls from her.

Looking at my phone, I also realize that it's five in the morning. Way too early for her to come back.