The short opens on a VHS recording of a blue screen with PLAY and a timer, before cutting to the I.M.P Headquarters, where soon, Blitz's hand is shown holding up a sign.
Narrator: Hello, and congratulations on your exciting new career as a contract killer for I.M.P, the Immediate Murder Professionals! Founded by sexual dynamo Blitzo Brangers, I.M.P is the number one imp-run business in the Pride Ring, probably.
The camera pans out to reveal a fake "TOP BIZNESS AWARD" sign, which falls off to reveal a certificate to Blitz for purchasing every single one of their horse plates. Blitz puts up an employee of the month picture of Loona, whose face is covered with a piece of paper reading "YOU!"
Narrator: And now you're going to be part of the magic.
It then cuts to Blitz in his office, tinkering with something before he notices the camera is rolling.
Blitz: Hi, girl- Shit. OK, just keep rolling. Yarr, me heartie- That's in fucking pirate! Okay.... *clears throat* Howdy, new guy- new girl- them. I am Blitz, with the silent "O". *Millie puts up an upside-down sign reading "Blitzo <- SILENT UR NEW BOSS* And I'm going to be your new boss now, 'kay?
Moxxie: *holding the camera* Uh, sir? They would have met you at the interview.
Blitz: *throws lamp at Moxxie* Moxxie, just shut your fat fucking little- Fuck it, just keep rolling. Loona will cut it down later.
—----------------------------------
It then cuts to an I.M.P meeting where Blitz is speaking to the interns, showing brand synergy, before handing them copies of an employee survey.
Narrator: At I.M.P, we lead the way in progressive workplace practices. Before your training begins, please make sure to fill out your required voluntary employee surveys so that we can make sure you feel seen and heard.
Blitz: OK, I'm gonna need your gender, species, and sexual preferences cuz I want to make sure my workplace slurs land.
Bendy: *peaks into frame* We're doing this to intro them to the business. Think of it like a demo run.
Narrator: Phew. Now with that bullshit out of the way, let's get to the good stuff: Training to be an assassin!
Blitz: *in front of graphics with a shitty green screen border* Listen up, chucklefucks, it's time to teach you my foolproof method to becoming the perfect contract killer. All you have to remember is ASSASSIN! We're gonna be doing those word things where the word stands for other shit, and all good businesses do it, and it's not fucking stupid, it's smart, OK, Moxxie?! It is professional, and we are doing it, so do not ask me not to-
Another cut. Blitz calmly standing by as Bendy is in frame, who explains what the acronym means.
Bendy: Now, before we begin, we will explain the meaning of *spawns letters* ASSASSIN.
Blitz: The first thing you have to remember is ASS. That stands for ASSESS. You need to assess your target, and that starts the minute a client talks to reception... Hey, Loony, take it away!
Blitz himself is filming Loona at the receptionist's desk when Moxxie comes in, dressed as a Southern woman.
Moxxie: *Southern accent* Hello, my name is Adelaide Scarlett, an heiress who ran afoul of a nasty brute named Emmanuel Morgoon. He's the second cousin of the local oil baron, and he—
Blitz: *off-screen* Oh, for fuck's sake, Moxxie, I said to keep it simple!
Bendy: Hey, this is just how my Mox works, let him cook. This could be important info.
YOU ARE READING
Helluva Boss: Ink Edition
FanfictionDuring the events of Hazbin Hotel: Ink Edition, our animated Overlord has fallen into a bit of monetary trouble when his studio becomes a wreck and the Hotel has a slow revenue stream. So, Bendy decides to take a job with the Immediate Murder Profes...
