In Omnia Paratus (AU) - Book 2

Panic attack

"Hey hey." I smiled sitting down opposite Lily at lunch. "I'm really not feeling up for today." I said looking over at Jesse as he was wandering towards us.

"You'll be fine, we're going to a completely different club. Nothing silly will happen this time I promise." Lily assured me as I didn't have the best history with clubs and didn't really want to go.

It was a thing Jesse had organised and Lily insisted I come and she said it might be nice for me to find a new guy even though she protested against anyone new as she was rooting for Richard, but that was never going to happen.

"But lil, the last time you said that--"

"You were fine... Eventually but hey I promise this is totally different, it's only with people from school as a little pre exam celebration before none of us can go out because of studying." Lily shrugged.

"I don't have anything to wear." I made up, I had loads to wear.

"Wear that dress..." Lily mumbled.

"What dress?"

"Your slutty clubbing dress." She insisted.

"My black dress?" I moaned at her.

"Yeah that one." She laughed.

"It's not slutty and it's not my clubbing dress. I don't go to clubs." I complained but it had got to the point where she wasn't listening anymore.

"You're coming, and you're going to look nice to find someone new to date." Lily smiled at me.

- - - - -

"You look, amazing." Lily smiled at me as I stood in an unreasonably short dress with the highest heeled shoes and a small clutch bag on my wrist. She was similarly dressed as we walked towards the club shivering a little bit.

"You look better. I don't feel comfortable in this at all." I moaned.

"No way you're looking way better than me. Jen please try and be positive about tonight. Jesse organised this and I want it to go well. speaking of..." She smiled seeing Jesse come over towards us and he kissed her and said hi the both.

"Are Lucy and Olivia here yet? I don't want to third wheel all night." I said slowly.

"Yeah they should be inside." Lily said as we stepped in the front doors and it reminded me loads of the other club. I mean it was also very different but all clubs had the same vibe to me now.

"Wait wait wait. Don't leave me." I grabbed Lily's arm as she went to walk away and into the loud music.

"Hey, come on Jen. Brighten up you'll be absolutely fine, there is nothing here to hurt you." Lily took my hand and led me inside to where I actually recognised almost everyone which made me feel a lot more comfortable.

Jesse was looking at me as if I was some weird freak but I assumed Lily would explain later.

- - - - -

I was fine, and I was doing fine until I was left alone for a minute. As long as I had either Lily or Lucy or Olivia in sight I felt okay but there was point where everyone scattered off and I went towards the edge but didn't quite make it.

I fell to floor almost in tears. Like a child who'd lost they're parents at the supermarket. I didn't care what people thought about me now, I felt like I was going to throw up.

"Woah woah Jenna," Lily collapsed to the floor next to me and held both my hands. "Okay maybe this wasn't such a good idea, baby steps next time yeah?"

I nodded as I couldn't quite breathe properly. "Call Richard." I moaned as she helped me to the steps of the dance floor.

"Why he's not even at the party? What can he do?" Lily said.

"Please call him, he can protect me." I said all panicked at that was the point that Lily knew I was having a panic attack.

"Protect you? Jen you don't need protecting you're fine okay? No one is here to get you like last time." Lily assured me but just saying that wasn't changing what I was feeling at all. I hated being here and I desperately didn't want to come in the first place and now I wanted to go home.

"Well call Matt then, please, anyone." I begged as I curled into a ball on the steps not quite crying.

"No Jen, you told me you're not speaking to either of them. I'm not letting you break that now." She rubbed my arm but I just wanted to slap her hand away.

I dug in my bag and pulled out my phone and scrolled to Richard contact them handed it to Lily. "Call him, please." I mumbled like a mad person starting to shake so much the phone was going to drop from my hands.

"Jesse, jess, come here." Lily said pulling his arm. "Stay with Jenna whilst I phone Richard." She sighed pathetically.

"Alright." He smiled as Lily walked away with my phone. Jesse sat down beside me on the steps and saw the state I was in. "What's up?"

"They're looking for me." I shook uncontrollably.

"Oh okay, how about we get away from them, yeah? Shall we go somewhere quieter and we can look after you." He said cautiously as he realised I really was a mess.

We stood up and he led me towards the bathrooms. "What are we doing here?" I asked.

"It's the quietest place, look come sit down." Jesse moved over to the disabled cubicle and shut the lid of the loo and told me sit on it. I wasn't crying just shaking really bad and had trouble breathing calmly.

"I can't-- this place is..." I mumbled thinking about how I was beat up I'm the last bathroom I went into at a club. "The bathroom is where..." I mumbled.

"Hey hey look at me." He said bending down in front of me so he was basically sat on the floor and very low down compared to me sat on the toilet lid. "Look at my eyes alright? Then on a count of three take a deep breath."

"One, two, three..." We both inhaled together and we repeated this like 10 times whilst I looked directly into his eyes and I felt a lot better.

"How did you know how to do that?" I asked.

"My little sister suffers from regular panic attacks." He smiled. "Now come on, inhale... 1,2,3... Exhale..." And then there was a point where the eye contact was too much.

He was extremely close to me and I was very close to him and I found myself leaning forward closer to him. Though I wasn't the one to suddenly start the kissing. I didn't like Jesse one bit, it was just an 'of the moment' thing that I couldn't control.

It was something about the fact that we weren't supposed to be together that made it a little more interesting. Though i did push him away and refuse to take it any further.