In Omnia Paratus (AU) - Book 2

Aftermath

God knows what was going through my head yesterday. I felt frustrated and dizzy, like in a sort of daze that I couldn't get out of. I've felt like this pretty much the whole time since the accident.

Like I wanted it all to end, I wanted it to just go away. Before experiencing it myself, I always thought harming yourself was attention seeking and disgusting but one day it just happened and I started to actually feel better when I did it.

I told all this to a professional therapist because apparently Kate's not good enough. Ugh.

"You may feel better when you do it--" she would say to me "but you're damaging yourself the most really. Scars never fade." I got told this everyday for a week when I was recovering in the hospital and referred to a mental asylum - sorry it's not actually a mental asylum, I just call it that because they're idiots - why I couldn't keep Kate I don't know. I refused to talk to anyone else but her but then they said I'm just more crazy!?

I don't understand their logic at all.

Kate came in and we did have a chat. I felt 10 times better after that than I did after any of the 7 therapist sessions I had in this new unit. I requested no visitors and nobody broke the rule.

I hadn't seen anyone but Kate, a therapist in this unit and the doctors and nurses treating me. I felt more sane not knowing anyone here.

- - - - -

"Your dad?"

"Nope."

"Violet?"

"No." I said for the hundredth time.

"They want to see you, they've been in a hotel all week with the hope that they'll get the visit you." Kate explained to me as I was sat up in the hospital bed.

"I've told you once and I'll say it again I do not want any visitors!" I yelled.

"What do you want?" She asked quietly.

"To get out of this hell hole!" I moaned.

"How about Richard?" Kate started that conversation again. Ugh she really didn't get me.

"Especially not him." I spat.

"Whys that?"

"If you told your husband some horrifying deep secret and he yelled at you about it, would you want to talk to him right now?" I sighed and started to get tense and angry.

"He didn't take it well?"

"I've never seen him so angry except when I cheated on him." I scoffed as if this was all a big laugh. "He told me that I'd be on drugs and alcohol next." I nodded.

"Are you?"

"Of course not! Look this thing just got out of control, I realise that now and I promise not to do it again. I know it looks bad but I know I shouldn't do it. I was just going through something." I shrugged it off.

Kate gave me a weird look. I wasn't sure what she meant, what had I said wrong. "We will sort this out. I promise." She said suddenly.

I found myself suddenly thanking her. Why? I don't know. But I needed someone to tell me everything will be okay eventually.

These days I thought it was the end of the world.

- - - - -

"Bro, you need to get some sleep. Have you been back to uni since?" Oliver asked Richard as he walked into Jenna's room to get a book he knew she would let him borrow.

"No." he snapped.

"Have you got any sleep at all?" Ollie asked.

"A little."

"Miss her huh?" He continued as he got a nod from Richard. "Me too, we all miss her, have you heard anything? Is she okay?" Oliver pried.

"I only know what Kate tells me and she doesn't say a lot. It's mainly about her breakdowns and how she apologises and then she'll go from really moody to the saddest person ever." Richard sighed. "I just want to see her."

"Why isn't she letting you in?" Oliver wondered.

"Did you hear about the self harm business?" Richard asked.

"Rumours, I didn't know it was true." He shrugged.

"Well it was, and when I found out... I wasn't super supportive of her. I thought she was being an idiot. She knows it's not her fault Lily can't walk but she never listens." Richard grunted.

"She'll come around."

"How do you know?"

"It's Jenna. She'll always come back." Ollie winked before grabbing the book and leaving the room, he left Richard in a thoughtful phase where he just sat and thought for a while.

- - - - -

"When will i leave?" I asked quietly to one of the nurses but she ignored me and just went and got one of the doctors instead. Luckily I prefer the doctors, they're either good looking or it's Victoria.

"We've signed your discharge papers for you to leave tomorrow. If thats all okay?" Victoria said storming in through the room and I smiled at the sight of her.

"Okay."

"We've set you on a prescription on depression pills and we'll see how they go. But some of the specialists worry you might have bipolar and do want you to be coming to regular Doctor appointments." She explained.

I just sat there taking all the medical gibberish that she threw at me in and I let it sink in a little bit.

"You look terrified. Don't worry Jen." Victoria assured me,

"I know." I sighed. "It's just a lot isn't it? To be told that your fucked."

"Sorry?"

"Well In about two months I start exams, I've just been told I'm depressed and basically mental, how can I pass now?" I moaned.

"Your health is more important than the school Jen." Victoria nodded.

"How did I let this happen? I can't be depressed!" I panicked laying back on the bed and wanting to cry. God knows what I was going to do now. "I only just got over my depression from Maisie, now what?"