In Omnia Paratus (AU) - Book 2

All the apologies

"Hey." I said walking along side Richard quickly.

"Hey, I uh said I'd call you." He shrugged, I knew that, boys never call until like a week later, my guilt was too much I had to end it now.

"I-I-I know." I said interrupting him confidently as he spoke. "This was a kind of an urgent thing..."

"If this is about what happened yesterday, I can't talk about it now." Richard moaned at me trying to avoid the conversation.

"2 minutes? Please." I said stopping him from walking any further.

"Okay, go." He said gesturing for me to start talking.

"Uh, right. Well... Yesterday, yesterday was good, it was certainly interesting..." I rambled on a little as if started off awkwardly.

"Yesterday was fantastic we kiss great." He rolled his eyes as he was eager to get on with the conversation.

"True, but I understand you have a girlfriend and before you make a sassy remark, no I do not want you to dump her for me, I came here to apologise. I came here to say that I shouldn't have kissed you knowing full well you love Molly." I said as if I was repeating a script I'd learnt but really I'd just rehearsed what I was going to say whilst I couldn't sleep last night.

"I was going to break up with her." Richard said completely dead pan and I actually felt like spitting in his face.

"No." I lashed out. "No this is not what I meant."

"It's not you, don't worry you're conscious is clear. We've actually been talking about just being friends and seeing other people recently." Richard shrugged.

"Really? You two..."

"We're not in love." Richard said.

"How do you know?"

"I know what it feels like to love someone and be in love with someone." He smiled at me for the first time today and I smiled back up at him.

"You were in love with me?" I asked suddenly feeling very strange that he said that.

"Of course I was. Nothing is worth having unless I feel the same way I did this time last year with you. It's not right, it's not a relationship." He shrugged and went serious but I just stared at him and smiled gently.

"You're cute when you're serious." I smiled before walking away, I just wanted to apologise and I did just that. Now it was time for Lily.

- - - - -

The only thing I could think of to help me at this point was going back to counselling. I needed help and professional help was probably the only way to go. I was meant to be seeing Kate monthly now as I thought I was doing better but sometimes I forgot.

"I never thought I'd see you again." Kate said as I walked into her office.

"Well I'm back." I smiled nervously. "Can I come back? Is that okay? I don't even know I can do this?" I asked suddenly realising I'd just pushed myself back onto Kate.

"You're more than welcome back." Kate smiled. "I just wondered why?" She said as I settled down on the sofa in front of her.

"I need help." I said slowly. "I don't know what to do, I've really messed up this time and I could really do with your help." I panicked a little.

"Tell me everything." She smirked and so that's what I did, I told her literally everything. Like I used to when Maisie had just died I never held back. Kate didn't judge me, she just listened. I told her every argument every conversation since I'd last saw her.

"Right, Jen so how are doing on the Maisie front these days?" She suddenly asked and I did not expect that to come out of her mouth.

"Fine." I frowned.

"Really? Because it sounds to me that you've lost any care for sex. You came to me once, I don't know if you remember, but last year once you'd first got pregnant." She said as I sat back.

"I probably don't remember, that was a stressful time." I mumbled back at her sinking into my chair.

"You came to me, the sweet innocent 16 year old girl you were and said that you wished you'd never come to Ashford." She shrugged. "You told me that you weren't the sort of girl to have sex or even have a boyfriend. You cared about school and nothing else."

"I'm clearly not like that anymore." I grunted.

"Clearly." She sighed. "But only caring about school wasn't healthy anyway. But only caring about your friends and boyfriends, that's not healthy at all." And finally Kate's point was made. I was waiting for something she said to stick and that certainly did.

"Did I really say that to you?" I asked.

"Yes." She laughed. "You punched a wall and made that dent in my cabinet." She pointed down at floor at this metal cabinet with a kick mark in it.

"Oh yeah, I was angry."

"You thought I made that up? I'm good but I'm not that good." She laughed a little.

"Well I think you're that good." I shrugged before finally smiling in that first session.

"So stop being so consumed about having a boyfriend and best friends, and start apologising. If Lily is really the closest friend you have you tell her everything and don't leave anything out. Ok?" Kate said slowly.

"Yeah."

"If she's angry, she's allowed to be. Give it time, don't get upset and chill out she'll come around." Kate smiled at me and instantly it was like all my problems had been solved. Though I still had to do the apologising.

- - - - -

"Hey lil, can I speak to you a sec?" I said as I was sat on the sofa and she was whizzing around getting ready to meet Jesse for their date tonight.

"Sure, two seconds." She said dropping something in her bag and then walking towards me.

"Sit." I smiled as I looked at the space next to me.

- - - - -

"And that's absolutely everything?" Lily said pretty calmly. I had just sat down and told her everything I'd done wrong these last couple of months.

"Absolutely everything." I said feeling really bad. "And lil, I am so sorry. You know it was nothing right? I've just been in a bad place since Matt and well, I was an idiot for going along with any of it. Jesse's actually a really nice kid and you deserve him." I smiled.

"I'm glad you told me everything. I hate finding things out from other people. That might earn you a few extra points but I'm still mad at you." She said but I could see a faint smile in her face and I smiled back at her.

"Whatever you say, I'll even let you off on the paper for two weeks and get you free clothes from work. How does that sound?" I asked hopefully.

"Bribing me Coleman?" She laughed. "I'm not sure."

"Designer clothes?"

"You're on." She said smiling at me gently.

I knew it was all very jokey but I had to let it get like that otherwise the opposite was super angry. I wanted to apologise and I did just that, when Jesse came over later I apologised to him too but he then apologised to me and it got awkward.