An Outlet

18th July, 2016.

My feelings are all over the place today.

Well, they are always haywire, but today the 'loneliness' emotion was a little too high for my liking.

Today was the official start of our college academic session.

I like to be on time. As I've mentioned earlier, I don't like being the first one in class neither do I like being late. I didn't want to be late today but what happens? I get late. I nearly missed being 'late marked' but had to sit on the first bench of the frickin' hall.

Anyways, our first lecture was an introductory lecture by our Dean. She gave what is supposed to be a really inspiring speech. For that moment I did get inspired. But after that, not really.

After our dean's address, our program director briefed us about the happenings of tomorrow's inaugural. She appointed 2-3 people to gather a team of 10 each (5 girls, 5 boys) as volunteers for tomorrow.

Now one of the first (baby) steps that I've chosen to take on this journey of 'developing myself' is to volunteer. But by the time I went to register myself, the teams were already made. So I missed out on that opportunity.

After all this, we had our first lecture. I did know a few people in my class but somehow I couldn't get myself to interact with them. Today was one of those days where my introvert side flipped on to the extreme. I was the only one in class who didn't have a partner. Well, a guy had to sit with me for the first lecture cause there was no other place but then he miraculously got some other place to sit in the next lecture.

Anyways, our first lecture was an Finance lecture. It was not that great. The entire lecture went in the basic terminology of Accounts for those who didn't have accounts as a subject before. Hopefully we'll get to learn something new next time.

After that, we had a Marketing lecture. The Sir had a mentality of teaching by cracking (the lamest of) jokes.

This is where I began thinking about myself. Do I really find these jokes funny? Should I laugh on these jokes? Should I maintain my serious expression even when the entire class is laughing their heads out? Am I supposed to find this amusing?
Gosh, I really need to find my sense of humour.

After that we had a break and I did not know where to go. Most of the students had a meeting for the volunteering work and I haven't made enough friends to have somebody to hang out with during break. I felt lonely.

Also, the fashion show practice timings just went haywire. I didn't know what time we had practice, should I attend the next lecture or go for practice cause I'm only the back stage helper. And I had also called my school friend to help. I told her to come by 4 but what if the practice is from 2-4?

I was in a mess.

Apparently, the helpers weren't supposed to be there for practice. That was a bummer.

Since we didn't have to be present for practice, I attended a 'Thinking Lecture'. Many people found it super boring but I would it interesting because this is exactly the sort of stuff I think about. Well yeah, the session could have been a little more interesting with activities and stuff but I liked this sort of teaching.

And it would have been better if we had mature class mates.

Overall the day was... not good. Totally not what I expected.

I hope I don't feel this lonely in the upcoming days.