An Outlet

15 May, 2017.

Just before sleeping, I had a mental debate with myself. Paloma hadn't called and I was left stranded.

But I needed to take some action. For too long, I've been waiting for others to make plans and I've just gotten along with it. Even though I desperately wanted to meet Paloma and was looking forward to an exciting day out with her, I didn't want to be left hanging on Paloma's judgement. Some part of me wanted her to know and realise that I have a certain decorum too. I need a definite plan or even if the plan is to just go out and see where the day takes us, I need that to be decided among whoever I go with as well.

I'm sorry for cancelling our plan Paloma but I had to do this, for myself.

I make it sound like a really huge deal because for me, it is. I don't go out much and I hate cancelled plans. And somewhere or the other, this is something I wouldn't normally do. I wouldn't normally go and cancel a plan unless I inevitably have to be somewhere else. Infact, I think this is the first time 'I' have cancelled a plan because of uncertainty. Huge deal for me.

Anyways, I woke up at 10 today which already throwed my schedule to waste. But I did catch up on social media after getting up. Clearly, I've got my priorities straight. Instead of checking something off my vacations list, I binge watched iisuperwomanii's vlogs. Lilly Singh is the only person who's vlog channel I follow for more than one reason.

The thing that I love about Lilly's vlog channel is that she tries to be as real as possible. Ofcourse she won't record all the bad things, it kind of goes off brand with her as well, but I can tell that she's very genuine in her vlogs. Also, she's very inspiring. She leads by example. She practices what she preaches and is such a hard worker!

I can imagine daily vlogging and it's too difficult. Hell, I (clearly) find it difficult to update a journal, what's that in front of daily vlogs? Plus, on vlogs, everyone knows who you are. They know your face, the place you live, the faces of your friends and that's more susceptible to critism. The hardest part of such critism is that when people critise on vlogs, they're critisising someone's way of living.

Okay, back to Lilly.

Girl's got her priorities straight. She has created this brand around her (in the digital space) of spreading happiness around the world and all this came from a place of sadness. Its wonderful how she completely changed her life and used her sadness to her advantage.

She has separated her main channel persona from her vlog channel persona. So there's a channel for all the entertainment purposes (main channel) where she kinda sorta puts up a front... or let's say it's an exaggerated version of herself. This is what the viewers want to see. But her vlogging channel is not just for the viewers but for herself as well. The vlog channel is for people who want to get to know iisuperwomanii on a personal, day to day level.

Speaking of viewers I am aware and obviously Lilly is aware that most of her audience are early teenagers and I feel like she's doing her best to reach out to a diverse age group.

I first started watching Lilly when I was in the 9th grade, when Nova told me about her. I didn't know the Youtubers side YouTube back then. Now I'm a YouTube addict (with a few change of preference over the years). So iisuperwomanii is the first Youtuber I ever watched on YouTube and for that I'm very thankful to her.

Good luck to her on her World Tour for her book 'How To Be A Bawse'!

After lunch, I was supposed to see Breaking Bad but I decided to start watching Riverdale instead. I've recently watched 13 Reasons why, saw the first episode of Game Of Thrones and American Horror story. Breaking Bad felt a little too hardcore than it should have. So I wanted to watch Riverdale cause I felt it'll be a nice break from all the seriousness. Or that's​ what I thought.

I have binge watched and completed the entire season now and oh my god, it's definitely not a light hearted show. It's much more serious than I anticipated.

Pamela called, we've rescheduled our plan for Wednesday the 17th. Let's see how this goes.

My daily plan went for a toss cause I just refused to stop watching Riverdale. That means, no CTM, no exercise, no walks, no completion of vacation list.

And now I don't even know if my plan for tomorrow with Nova and Mia is on or not. We were supposed to meet tomorrow to catch up and discuss about Marissa's birthday which on the 18th. But now there's a problem on 18th. I have some volunteering work at college along with Kristen and it's probably going to take up all day. So, for me, the birthday surprise plan is over even before it started.

I don't know why are all my social plans getting cancelled by the minute.