Being friends with Lorena

47// Irrational

I stared at her not taking the words in, I needed to hear her say it. I needed to hear it from her mouth, I wouldn't believe it otherwise.

"You're leaving?" I asked after a pause, she nodded sadly not really giving me any eye contact. "Why?"

"I can't tell you" she said closing her eyes, "I'm sorry-"

"You're leaving me?"

"Don't say it like that" her voice cracked, "please Nathan."

I felt a lump at the back of my throat, I tried to convince myself I was dreaming, it was the alcohol, it must be. She can't just leave halfway through college, it's not even summer yet. We still had a week and a half left?

"Say something" she said eagerly.

"What do you want me to say?" I asked bitterly sitting down on my bed, allowing my thoughts to catch up with me, "when did you plan on leaving?"

"Three days ago" she said quietly, "Gabriel's moving and asked me whether I'd fancy a change, I don't have anything here-"

"Wow thanks" I replied, "happy birthday Nathan."

"Please don't make this harder for me, I'm really struggling-"

"Struggling? You've just told me you're leaving? I mean- where has that come from?" I asked, "what can I do to make you stay?"

She shook her head adamantly not saying a word, I could see tears forming in her eyes. "Nothing" she choked, "you can't do anything-"

I didn't know how to feel, what did I feel? My heart literally felt as if it had been stamped on, I took a deep breath and folded my arms. "I don't get no explanation? Nothing?"

"I don't owe you one" she snapped, "stop making this harder than what it needs to be!"

I sat there dumbfounded I couldn't process what she was saying, she was acting strange. I'd never seen her like this, she was being irrational.
"Lorena" I said standing up to approach her, "what's wrong with you?"

"Don't" she said tears threatening to fall, "I mean it Nathan."

"What have I done? Was it Paisely? I won't speak to her anymore! I swear-"

"It's not" she shook her head tears falling down her cheeks, "it's nothing you've done, it's me..."

"Are you pregnant?" I asked seriously, "because that isn't a big deal, okay.. It is but I'll be there for you-"

"I'm not pregnant-"

"Then tell me what the fūck is going on Lorena?! I'm going out of my fūcking mind!!" I half shouted at her causing her to jump slightly at my harsh tone of voice, my voice breaking at the end.

"I'm in love with you!" She shouted, "I'm in love with you Nathan, and I just don't know how to stop it!"

Those words echoed through my ears.