Being friends with Lorena

53// Get out

After breakfast we'd gone back to mine and ended up in bed, again. I didn't know how it happened, I'd kissed her as we reached the hall and things escalated quickly as they always did.

"We shouldn't keep doing this" she mumbled shifting over slightly to lay on her front.

"We should" I said cockily, "Why not?"

"When I leave-"

"Can you stop bringing it up?" I snapped throwing a hand over my face, "I almost forget that you're going and then you remind me again."

"It's facts Nathan, coming here was great but I can't keep going on like this."

I rolled over to face her, looking down at her. She wasn't looking at me, she was studying the pillow. "Lorena I really like you." She shut her eyes almost trying to shut me out, I held her face in my hand a kissed the corner of her mouth. She responded by kissing me back, keeping her eyes closed.

"But I love you Nathan" she whispered, "and this isn't helping-"

Those three words made my breathing hitch, could I really love her? I was almost scared to believe it, I didn't want to accept that I did and then she left me like she said she was.

"Can't we just enjoy this?" I asked her, "can't you just stay and see how far we go?"

"I can't" she shook her head, "I can't go any deeper with this."

"So you're just sleeping with me until you leave?" I said harshly turning away from her and sitting up,

"No of course not!" She said standing up from the bed, her arm reaching out for me. As she touched me I grabbed her hand and turned her beneath me, I pressed myself on top of her and her breathing become slowed as she looked up at me through her eyelashes. "What are you doing? Let me go."

"You really want me to let you go?" I said cocking my head to the side, she knew there was a lot more meaning behind that question, "Tell me if that's what you want?"

She stared at me becoming breathless and I held my weight against her "I don't mean it like that-"

"Tell me you'll stay with me" I said lowly,

"I can't" she hissed.

"Tell me you'll stay with me!" I ordered causing her to go wide eyed at my aggressive tone, she shrugged me off and I allowed her to wriggle up from beneath me.

"Why are you acting like this?" she asked sitting up at the bed frame,

"Jesus" I said running a hand through my hair, "I think you need to go."

It was true, all the thought and decision making over the last few days, all the consideration of my feelings and the length of time is known her it was obvious to me all along, I was in love with her, I couldn't bare the thought of her leaving and never seeing her again. I couldn't bare telling her that I loved her too, knowing it couldn't make ample difference in her decision.
I decided it wasn't worth the embarrassment, the rejection that she gave me time and time again.

"Get out" I snapped walking to the bathroom and slamming the door.