Shawn Mendes Imagines

Goodbye

Another night, lonely night without him here. Another day filled with depression and sadness. And it's all my fault. I can't blame anyone but myself. I fell for him, so hard I scraped my knee. His last words were, "I hate you." And to be honest I hate me too. I should've known he was bad news, I should of listened to everyone but I ignored them for something I thought was love.
The rain fell echoing throughout the house. He said he would be back to get his things around 5 it's 5:30 and he's still not here. What did I do? I just tried to be a good girlfriend and be there for him, but he snapped and said he wished I was like his old girlfriends. The doorbell rang causing me to jump and my breathing to hitch.
I opened the wooden door and stepped to the side to let Shawn in. I didn't say one word, neither did he. Enough has already been said. He bumped into me as he was moving past me and mumbled a 'sorry' even though I know he didn't mean it. I sat down on the bar stool and stared at the floor as random thoughts and memories entered my mind.
"Have you seen the photos of us in Barbados?" He asked poking his head around the corner. I looked up from the floor and met his red puffy eyes.
"There in the box in top of the closet." I explained. He nodded his head and walked up the stairs. After a couple of minutes I panicked, I have a lot of valuable stuff up there and stuff he doesn't need to know about. My old razors, and suicide letters were up there in a box labeled 'last words'. I ran up the stairs and saw Shawn going through the box.
"Shawn?" I asked he looked up with anger in his eyes.
"You said you got rid of these." He said holding up a razor as anger built up in his body.

I didn't say anything, nor did I do anything. I just stood there caught up in a lie, and Shawn paced back and forth while running his hand though his hair.
"You didn't-." He stopped himself and pulled me into the bathroom. He rolled up my sweatpants and saw my fresh cuts on my thighs. I usually cut on my thighs that way nobody will see them. Shawn's eyes softened and he looked up at me with confusion.
"Why?" He asked tracing the cuts lightly with his finger. I winced in pain at his touch as a tear rolled down my cheek. "Why did you do it?" He raised his voice a little causing me to flinch. His hand caressed my cheek as he wiped away my tears with his thumb.
"Was it because of me?" His voice was soft and his eyes were filled with guilt. I nodded my head an looked down at the ground. His hand fell from my face, I looked up at him and saw him staring at me with confusion.
"I'm so sorry, I told you I would never hurt you, but I did. I love you way too much to end this all because you wanted to be there for me. Please don't ever do this again, if you feel like you need to call me or talk to me. I'm always going to be there for you." He said. I shook my head at his words.
"No your not Shawn, your never there for me. Why do you think I wanted to be close to you all the time, or want to see you? Your never here Shawn, and if you are then your hanging out with your friends. Stop telling me lies, and stop feeling pity for me. I don't need you, I learned that while you were gone." I choked out for almost the first time tonight. My words were cold and bitter, but the truth hurts.
He stared at me with disbelief. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

"So this is over?" Shawn's voice cracked and tears filled his eyes. I swallowed the lump in my throat and said, "it was over a long time ago Shawn." He stood up and wiped his eyes before walking out of the bathroom. Relief fell over my body, but depression took over. It would leave sometime, I don't know when, but it will eventually. Just like all the times before. I watched Shawn pack all of his things. Soft sniffles filled the silent room. "Well I guess this is goodbye." Shawn said as he put a backpack over his shoulder. I hate the word 'goodbye' there is no 'good' in saying bye. "Bye." I said blankly. Shawn looked at me one last time before turning away and walked downstairs and out the front door. The door slammed causing me to flinch, and realize he is officially gone. Like I said, there is no good in saying bye.