Shawn Mendes Imagines

Insecure

I looked at shirtless body in the mirror. I pulled at the pale skin. My stomach was t flat, it was a little chubby. My legs touched pretty much the whole way down. My face had pimples  scattered all over it. I wasn't like all the other girls in California. Shawn's friends had girlfriends with sun baked skin, beautiful hair, and had skinny bodies. I covered my stomach with my arms as a warm tear fell down my cheek. I sniffled and wiped my eyes. I put my shirt back on and fixed my hair. I walked downstairs to see Shawn hanging out with Ian. I sat down beside him on the couch as he talked to Ian. "Hey babe." He said before he kissed my cheek. I smiled a toothless smile.

•
I laid there with my eyes open in the dark room. Shawn's arm was wrapped around my waist while he slept peacefully. I turned over to face Shawn. His pale chest moved up and down as he breathed. His toned abs were visible since he didn't have a shirt on. I slipped out of his grip and walked downstairs. I opened the medicine cabinet, I found a orange bottle with a white lid. I was prescribed some diet pills when I was on highschool, I always kept them even after I got better. I twisted bottle in my hand as I debated on wether to take them are not. "Babe?" I heard Shawn call out for me in a raspy voice. I jumped and hid the pills behind my back. "What are you doing?" Shawn asked squinting his eyes due to the bright light. "Nothing, just go back to bed. I'll be up there in a few." I said. Shawn always knew when i was hiding something, or doing anything out of the usual. He looked at me unsure, but walked back upstairs. I let our a breath of relief. I bit my lip, and looked down at the bottle. I shook my head and put it back in the cabinet. I walked out of the kitchen making sure I turned off the light as I made my way back to the bedroom. I climbed in the bed beside him. I slowly drifted off to sleep.

•
I woke to an empty bed like usual. I reached over for my phone when I heard a rattle. I looked over near the bedroom door to see Shawn standing there with the diet pills in his hands. "What are these?" His voice was filled with confusion and anger. "They are diets pills." I said truthfully. "Why do you have them?" He asked meeting my eyes. "I had to take them when I was in high school, I just never got rid of them." I answered. "Why were you going to take them last night?" I could feel the tears filling my eyes. There was no point in lying to Shawn said I told him the truth, "I'm fat Shawn. You and I both know it. Those pills would help me lose weight. I don't want you to have to be with a girl that is overweight." Shawn's eyes softened as he processed what I said. "Baby," he walked over to me and placed his hands on my knees. "You're not fat. You're prefect. Your curves make you look hot as hell, you have amazing thighs, I mean look at these," he said looking down at my thighs and squeezing them, I smiled softly. "You're perfect. There isn't one flaw about you. You're no where near overweight baby. I love you so much. I hate that you think of yourself that way." Shawn's eyes filled with tears as he looked down at the ground. "Shawn," he looked up at me. "I sometimes feel like I'm not enough for you. You could have any girl you want, and you chose me. I'm not that special Shawn. You deserve someone who will treat you the way you deserve. You also deserve someone who is gorgeous." Tears fell down our cheeks. "Y/n," he placed his hand on my cheek and used his thumb to wipe away my tears, "you are the most beautiful girl I have seen. We've been together for 3 years, I fall in love with you more and more every day. I don't want anyone else, I only want you." My stomach filled with excitement as I looked into his eyes. "I love you." I said softly due to my crying. "I love you too baby." He kissed my lips softly before turning it into a heated makeout session.

I sometimes feel out of place around my friends. I always feel like they are way prettier. My friends always joke about my acne, and it hurts. I usually just laugh it off, but sometimes I let it get to me. I went through a stage where I only ate a little because I didn't want to seem like a pig. I ended up losing some weight, and people started to become concerned. I told my closest friend about it and she helped me get over it. I still feel like I'm fat sometimes. I mean I weigh more than all of my friends so it's awkward. I'm the girl that has matured more than anyone out of my friend group, so it's hard for the girls to understand acne and stretch marks. One day I remember one of my bestest friends at the time made fun of them, when she knew I was insecure about them. She was talking to me the other day about how she was getting stretch marks and that she was insecure , and all I could think was "wow, how would you like for someone to point them out and make fun of them?"

I always wondered what my boyfriend saw in me. He would always tell me I'm beautiful,  but I found it hard to believe. It was also weird that he asked me to be his, out of all the other girls that are 10x prettier than me. 

Sorry for my rant.