Shawn Mendes Imagines

Letter

Why do they say goodbye? There is no 'good' in saying bye. I wonder if he will miss me like I will miss him. His arms were wrapped tightly around my waist, and his head rested in the crook of my neck. "I'll be back soon." He said softly. I closed my eyes tightly, and nodded my head. I was afraid to say anything, I didn't want him to hear my voice break. "Last call for flight 921 to New York." His arms released their grip and slipped off of me. He cupped my face with his warm hands and crashed his lips on mine. "I love you." He said against my lips. "I love you too." I said pulling away.

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"Hey babe." He said cheerfully. "Hey." I said with less enthusiasm. "What's wrong?" He asked concerned. "Nothing baby. How's Europe?" I asked trying to sound a little bit happier. "Amazing, it's so pretty here." He said. "I miss you." He said after a short silence. His voice was soft, and changed from happy to sad. "I miss you too." I admitted. "I'll be home soon." He assured. I looked at the calendar and saw he wouldn't be home for another month. "I have to go, but I'll FaceTime you tonight." He said all of a sudden. "Okay." I said hanging up.
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I never got a call that night, or the next morning. I continued on with the day, and left my phone on the charge. I would check it occasionally to see if I had anything from him, but I didn't. I walked away from the phone and walked into the kitchen. I put my elbows on the counter and propped my head up with my hands. Before Shawn left we had a fight about making our relationship last, but I knew deep down we weren't capable of it. It's just too complicated. I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen.
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Dear Shawn,
I know that you won't get this letter until March, but I need to do this. We both knew this wouldn't last. The pressure is too much, the distance is too far, and our love is fading Shawn. I remember when we used to be so in love, what happened? I still love you Shawn, I do. But you need someone that can treat you better than I can, (no pun intended.) and will stay with you no matter how hard it gets. Don't worry about me okay? I'm probably somewhere where the water meets the sand, and the wind runs through my hair. Bye Shawn.
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Dear diary,
It's been almost 2 weeks since I left Shawn. I've been a wreck,  but I'll get over it. I heard his new song on the radio this morning on my way to the beach. I feel like I e heard it before, but I'm probably just losing it. The seagulls-

"Y/N!" My head turned around in the direction I heard my name. It was him. It can't be. His pale skin was a little darker, his arms were bigger, and his eyes were darker. My heart was beating out of my chest, and my breathing hitched. I stood up and saw him running over towards me. Tears fell down my cheeks when his arms wrapped around me tightly. My body stiffened, but relaxed under his touch. I craved this feeling, but I pushed it away. I craved his lips, but I ignored it. I missed him, but I told myself what I did was the right thing, but I was wrong. I came to my senses and got out of his grip. Now that I could see his face  up close I could see the small problems. His eyes were red and puffy causing his eyes to be darker, and his nose was red and irritated. He looked like he had been crying. I felt a sharp pain deep down in my chest.

"Why did you leave me?" His eyes were filled with sadness, and his voice cracked on every word. I let out a sob, it hurt seeing him like this and being the reason why. "I- I felt like you didn't love me anymore. I was scared that I was going to get hurt, or you would find someone better." God I sounded selfish. Shawn's face softened, but turned hard and angry. "You left me because you thought I was going to leave you?!" He yelled. My eyes widened in shock, "Shawn, it's not like that." I said softy. "Then what is it?" He asked. "I- I thought our relationship was over. I thought we quit trying, and just gave up." I admitted. "If i gave up would I have looked everywhere I could possibly think of to find you. The woman I'm in love with, and miss so much. I have been depressed for 2 weeks because I hadn't seen you or heard your voice. All I had was this." He said pulling out the letter I wrote. There was a tear in the top right corner, and the ink was smeared in certain places. I couldn't breathe, it was like all the air was sucked out of my lungs and I was gasping for air. I didn't realize what I did. I thought it would help him, and he could focus on his tour. But instead he was left with a broken heart, and a letter.

"Shawn I'm so sorry." I choked out. "I love you, and I thought that leaving you would solve everything but it didn't. It just made things 10 times worse. I didn't realize that as I was slipping away you were trying to save me. I'm sorry, and I know you probably don't want to talk to me right now." I turned around and grabbed my stuff. "Y/N." his voice was barely audible. I looked up at him. "Please don't leave me again." He begged.

This sucks, and I don't know where I was going with this exactly.