•The Demon Inside• Brendon Urie X Reader

'Chapter sixty'

Brendons POV

The dim light of the bar were lighting up the facial features of the other people who were drinking away their problems as well. Faces left ad new came but eventually more and more features left and soon I was nearly the only one left.

I stared at my empty whiskey glass and tightened my grip around it. Her face went through my mind. Her smile. Her eyes. Her cute nose. Her soft hair. The smell of her hair. How did it smell again? I felt the memory fade away. It left my brain and flew into the unknown. I tried to get a hold of it but it left me. Like so many memories did before but one always remained. The face she made when she pushed me out of the door. That fear and worry but at the same time she looked so sure about everything she was doing.

I wiped my cheeks with the backs of my hands. At least nobody saw me now because it was dark enough. I looked at the clock in my phone. It was 4 am. I sighed. The bar was nearly empty. Just some drunk and sleeping dudes were lying around. I put the money on the table and stumbled away. As I sat I didn't really felt the alcohol but now it hit me. I wasn't able to walk in a straight line. Maybe I lost weight - no I definitely lost weight and due to that I wasn't able to drink as much as before anymore. I was feeling sick and my throat burned but it was nothing to the pain of not being with her. I swallowed the pain away and got out of the bar. As I walked home I needed to lean onto the wall a few times.

The sickness spread through my whole body. My limbs hurt but felt numb at the same time and my stomach burned. I hadn't eaten in a while too. I was just drinking and smoking all the time. I knew it wasn't healthy but why should I want to live healthy without (y/n)? I lost her nearly three years ago and I was slowly forgetting. I tried so hard to remember. I tried to draw her. I tried to write songs about her. I tried to remember but I failed. Everything was slowly leaving.

I hadn't seen Dallon or Ryan for two years either. After the door closed and all my tries to open it again failed we tried it again and again for like a year. First we couldn't open the door anymore and then we couldn't find the door anymore. One time when we returned there was a brick wall instead of the door. We didn't gave up then though. We tried and searched but found nothing. Ryan was sure that Satan had took her away to somewhere else on the earth or hell. Dallon believed that Josh could help him find her and left. He didn't return. I stayed. I stayed at the subwaystation for a year waiting, searching and hoping. Then I moved back to my home but sold it because memories were held there and her scent was everywhere. I couldn't stay there. Now I was living in a small dirty apartment. I didn't keep it clean. My clothes, guitars, beer bottles, cigarettes and joints were lying around everywhere but I didn't care. I came to the bar at least every second day and drank way too much and eventually threw up. This was my life now.

I wiped my cheeks again and stopped leaning against a wall. The sickness was overtaking and I couldn't handle it anymore. I stumbled forwards and backwards before I slid down the wall. I tested on my hands and knees and felt the fluid of my stomach rising through my throat.

I vomited. It wasn't much and mostly fluid but it was disgusting and I had the disgusting taste of vomit in my mouth after that. I spit on the street into the puddle of vomit and had a hard time to stand up again. My slim legs didn't want to hold me up.

I sat down and scooted away from the vomit. Great. This is what my life is. Just great. I rested my head in my hands and felt the tears streamed down my face. I was so hungry but I had nothing saved to eat and neither I wanted to hunt now.

I missed her so much. I hadn't seen her in three years and with every day I missed her more. I tried everything to live on. Alcohol, whores, drugs, nicotine. But she was worse than nicotine. She was worse then all of these things but better at the same time. I couldn't handle her loss. I needed her. Even one day without her was unbearable. I had lost her so often but found her again normally but now... I didn't seem like I would be able to find her again. She was gone. I had let her away. I shouldn't have let go of her hand back then.

Ryan had told me the story why she had pushed us away and I wish I could've told her how wrong she was and is. She isn't causing any trouble. She's wrong with that. It was causing trouble if she wasn't there. But her being with me was the best thing that had happened to me.

I felt dizzy and the world moved around me. It tilted. I lost all control or sense of direction and just let it happen. I hit the ground with a loud thud and stayed there. Eventually everything went black.

The sun warmed the asphalt and my body. I slowly got up and hold my head in my hands. I had the worst hungover. Everything hurt and my head pounced like a motherfucker. I felt the dry tears on my skin but couldn't quite remember what had happened. I could remember going into the bar as usual but then it was all a big blur with two red eyes popping up in it. I shrugged it off and tried getting up. The cold morning air was helping to clear my thoughts and it must be early because there were barely any people on the streets. To my luck.

I made my way home slowly but surely. Every time a car drove by I flinched of pain. My head killed me. Everything was way too loud and I just wanted to be home where it was quiet. I really needed to brush my teeth too. The taste of vomit, alcohol and smoke was still between them. It was disgusting.

My head dreamed of a reality where I would come home and lay down onto bed and snuggle up next to her. My favourite person in the world. I knew that wouldn't happen but my mind liked to torture me.

With weak hands I opened the door and nearly fell over an old sweater. I didn't bother to pick it up or anything. I just threw my jacket right next to it and stumbled towards the bathroom. I stripped down to my boxers and let the clothes fall everywhere.

I took a long shower and let the warm water try to wash away the alcohol and the frustration. One of it went away. The other thing remained. As I got out I quickly brushed my teeth and was standing there in only a towel. Nobody would see me anyways so I didn't care at all.

When I looked into the mirror I didn't saw myself but a thin man who looked like death or a drug addict. What I was now. I never thought that I would be so weak one day but now I was. I was one of the weakest. I didn't need anybody before I met her but now all I can think of is her. Even while I'm with other women.

I lit another cigarette and lay onto my bed. Or better said on a pile of clothing on top of my bed. I inhaled the smoke and exhaled it slowly watching how it dissolved. The smoke hurt in my lungs but I liked the way it hurt.

I stared at the ceiling for a long time with nothing going on in my head. Eventually I had smoked a whole pack of cigarettes and got up again. I was tired but couldn't sleep so I decided to go up again. I was about to drop my towel and search for clothes when I heard a knock at my door. I just stayed where I was really confused.

Who should that be? I didn't have any friends or family. I decided to open the door but there was nobody. As I opened the door I stared into the empty hallway. I lowered my gaze and found a piece of paper. I looked around again but there was nobody for sure. I picked the paper up and went back inside again.

I went into the living room as fast as possible and sat down on a pile of clothes on top of the couch. I looked at the folded piece and slowly opened it. My eyes widened as I saw what the paper said. I read the piece of paper over an over again but the letters didn't change. I read it out aloud a few times too.

"Leave as soon as possible. Danger is coming. Go back to your own house."

A/N: So, im back from the class trip and back with a new chapter!