The pain of losing someone is always painful. This death was more than painful. It felt as if a big part of Jessica's life was taken from her. It was almost as if her heart was shattered into a million pieces and there was no way the pieces could ever be put back together. Jessica's life would never be the same. She never thought she'd have to say goodbye to her son, forever. So much guilt and anger went through Jessica's mind. She was his mother, mothers are suppose to be there for their children and protect them from the evil. Jessica felt like she failed, like she could have done more or been there for her son when he needed her most. Jessica was angry that her sons life was taken by drugs and there was no way to bring him back. She was angry at whoever gave him this deadly substance. Ever since Jessica got the worst news that her son was no longer alive she kept replaying memories of Matthew in her head. There were so many beautiful memories to think of but it all felt destroyed knowing that she can never make another beautiful memory with her son.
The death of Matthew was a shock to everyone. Nobody knew he was hurting or using. No one was able to take it all in and process this sudden death. Matthew was a big part of the family. Of course, everyone loved him, but he always found a way to really lighten up the room. Everything and everyone felt empty inside. This death was unbearable. All anyone could do is help Jessica, Danny, and the kids as they go through the toughest time.
Brandon and Emily were crushed. They didn't really understand. Yet no one really did truly understand. It was especially hard on Brandon out of the two. Matthew was his best friend, his role model. The two of them went through a lot and in the end they always had each other. It was hard for Brandon to lose his best friend.
For Danny, he didn't know what to do. Danny was Matthew's father figure, his coach for many years, his friend, and football buddy. Matthew had gotten caught up on drugs once before due to depression and Matthew went to Danny for help. Danny was convinced that Matthew would never go back to doing the bad things he used to do. Danny was angry with himself. He kept questioning why Matthew didn't come to him this time. But the one question everyone had was why... why did he take what he took, why didn't he try to get help, why did he risk his life. He had so much going for him. A bright future was now gone.
When Matthew had died they did lots of test to see what the cause of death was. There were traces of fentanyl in his system. It gave doctors and family the reason to believe that who ever distributed the drugs to Matthew just put together their own type of drug and sold it to him. Jessica needed to know more but that's all they had known. Matthew was left in the ER, alone. The doctors said they had been many cases like this before where whoever he was with didn't want to get caught with drugs when bringing him to the hospital so they left him dry. It killed Jessica to know this. She wanted to get to the bottom of it but now wasn't the time. She just had to focus on getting his body home and getting through the week. Police were going to do what they could, but until then a lot was unknown.
Since Matthew's body was in Pittsburgh Jessica and Danny had to fly out to officially identify his body and make sure it is sent back to Colorado for the funeral. They got another ticket and flew to Pittsburgh early Thanksgiving morning.
Jessica and Danny's family stayed behind. They watched Marlowe, Emily, and Brandon while they were gone. They only planned to be there for a very short period of time, a day at the least. Jessica didn't want to stay in Pittsburgh long neither did Danny. While Jessica and Danny were going to be gone Jessica asked for her family to put together the funeral arrangements. Jessica couldn't bring herself to plan her son's funeral. Dorthy and Zoe took over. It was just as hard for them but they wanted to do everything they could for Jessica.
That night was only the beginning of many, sleepless nights filled with tears. No one could sleep. Everyone was up but kept themselves isolated. Jessica especially. She stayed in Matthew's room, alone, wrapped up in his comforter that had his exact scent. She was surrounded by all of his belongings which in a way was comforting but haunting for her. She didn't talk to anyone that night. As much as she wanted to be held in someone's arms she wasn't able to speak. There was nothing in this world that anyone could say to her to make the pain go away. Brandon was the same way. He didn't want to speak to anyone. He was lost for words.
