Imagines | Shawn Mendes

0.7 + blood

.*.•.*.

"I don't know, sometimes I feel like giving up but I know that's not who I am."

I was sitting in the chair as she looked at me writing down whatever she was in that notebook of hers. I didn't dare look up at her because if I did I'd break and she'd know everything, she would pick very small detail as if I was some patient getting serious surgery. She took her hand to her glasses and slid them down her nose.

"Well why do you feel like that? Is Shawn making it harder or easier?"

Sometimes I regret telling her I was with Shawn, we kept it a secret from the public.

"It's 50 50."

"What do you mean?"

She took her hand to the pen and wrote something down again.

"Well I miss him when he's gone and when he's with me I still feel like he's not there."

"Do you still want to be with him?"

"That's the thing, I don't know. I don't know what I want anymore, even if it's what I want to do that day or what I want to eat. Everything is just hard, I don't want to live but I don't want to leave."

"Have you talked to Shawn about this? Does he know how you feel?"

"No"

A tear slid down my cheek. I was scared, scared about everything. It was like one day I woke up and everything was changed. I didn't know who I was anymore.

"I think it would be good for you both if you talked to him. Communication can help so much if you give it a shoot."

~~~

I was in the lobby getting out of the therapists office and walking to get into my car. Once I opened the door and got situated I started crying, I didn't know why. I feel like the whole world is just lying on my shoulders, I have anxiety, stress, depression, or at least it's what it felt like. I knew I needed to stop in order to get home safe so I took three deep breathes and put music on and drove home.

~~~

"Hey babe, listen I have to run in about an hour. I'll be home around 11. Okay?"

"Yeah okay."
I sniffled a couple times trying to his the fact that I was crying not that long ago.

"How were the girls?"

I didn't dare look at him, if I did I'd break down. I kept looking at my book as I sat on the couch.

"They were good, Linda is going to Hawaii soon."

Linda told me last night so I knew I could say something about them that way it looked like I did see them.

"What about you? How are you?"

"Fine."

"You know I called Linda because you weren't answering your phone, I was worried. She said she wasn't with you. (Y/n) what's going here?"

I was getting scared because he was so close to finding out the truth, I was debating if I wanted to try in lie or tell the truth. I looked up at Shawn and saw his eyes and I was on the verge of crying.

"I-I don't k-know Shawn. I'm broke how do I keep going on? Is it suppose to be this hard?"

"(Y/n) what are you talking about your scaring me."

"Help me. Please."