Imagines | Shawn Mendes

5.9 + i miss you no. 2

I opened my apartment door and walked into the silent cold room. I threw my keys onto the kitchen counter and fell onto the couch staring at the ceiling. The day kept replaying in my head, why did I drive there. That was a mistake, I wonder if she had or will tell Shawn. The water in my eyes hasn't gone away, I can't believe I was able to cry this much. And all for him, because of him. He's the reason.

I ordered in Chinese food and just sat there eating as the playlist played in the background faintly. Eating dinner alone is never what someone wishes for, my friends Paige and Sophie have no idea what's going on, I don't know how or want to bring it up to them. The bottle was taunting me sitting on the counter, I finally gave in and walked over to it pouring myself a cup which led to two which led to three and then I had my sixth. The night became a blur and then found myself falling asleep on the couch alone, in an empty lonely home.

xx

I woke up to the front door getting closed hearing Paige talking to Sophie loudly. I grabbed a throw pillow and slammed it over my head.

"Could you talk any louder?" I asked annoyed.

"Are you hung over?" I heard Paige ask confused.

"What gave it away?" I asked in the same position with the pillow.

"The empty bottle on the coffee table," she said as I heard her pick it up.

"Dang, how much did you drink?" Sophie asked as she sat down by my feet.

"Eh,"

"Why'd you drink so much?" Paige asked as she sat down on the floor by my head. I pointed over to the box on the kitchen counter.

"Oh sweetie, again? What happened?" Paige asked as she held my waist with her head on it.

"Radio, cried, went to Karen's, and now embarrassed." I said in summary.

"Have you ate?" Sophie asked while rubbing my leg.

"Uh ah," I said lazily.

"I'll go get breakfast,"'she said getting up and leaving. She gathered her things and then I heard the door close. Memories of last night came back, the text that I didn't send, and then more. Was it a dream?

"Oh no," I said silently.

"What?" She asked.

"Where's my phone?" I asked concerned.

"Here," She said holding it on her hand picking it up from the table. I took form her grip and opened it going to his contact hoping I didn't send it drunk. And my question was answered. I had a full on conversation with him.

"Oh my gosh," I said whinny.

"What?" Paige asked concerned.

"I texted him last night," showing her the conversation, she read aloud.

Y: I miss you, and I hate you. You broke me, I'm still broke to this day.

S: I did what I thought was best.

Y: It wasn't best, it hurts more now than before. I would have waited three years if I had to, three months was better than this.

S: You deserve more, better.

Y: You were all I wanted, still to this day. Why'd you hurt me?

S: We should talk about this on a screen.

"Do you regret texting him?" She asked.

"..........no? Not really, even if I wasn't sober being drunk made it truthful and I wasn't scared to ask. I don't want him to be the one that got away."

"You'd be the one that got away, he was the lucky one. He's lucky that you're still trying, you're the best he'd have." She said as she hugged me.

"Do you want water?" She asked as she stood up.

"Yes please, and Ibuprofen." I replied as I laid on the couch the same since last night. There was a knock at the door and Paige got it.

"Wow, Sophie was fast with the food." She said as she opened it.

"Oh hi," she said shocked.

"Did you being pancakes, I really want pancakes." I said as I tried getting up.

"Can I have the water?" I asked with my eyes closed because the headache hurt so much my eyes started to hurt.

"Um (y/n)," she said.

"Are gonna make me walk over to you for it?" I asked annoyed. I got up walking over still not opening my eyes. I took the cup and drank and then opened my eyes to see Shawn.

"I'll go meet up with Sophie," Paige said walking out.

Shawn stood there, still.

"Uh........... you can come in." You said confused. You walked to the pills and took two ibuprofen with the water.

"Headache?" He asked. I pointed to the bottle on the table and Shawn put the pieces together.

"Oh, last night you were-" I nodded.

"So the texts,"

"Were true." I said.

Shawn stood on the opposite side of the counter, I stood in the kitchen. I placed the cup down and felt awkward, I didn't know what to say. I had questions and had no idea where to start.

"What are you doing here? Aren't you suppose to be in like France or LA or something like that? You're on tour." I asked trying to make the silence go away.

"I was in LA but I flew out after last night, to talk to you. I- you deserve to know more." He sat down at the counter. Seeing in here was weird, it's been months since I've seen him let alone in my apartment. I missed seeing him.

"That's the only reason you flew out here?" I asked confused. He nodded.

"Why didn't you just call me?" He shrugged and put his forehead in his hand.

"I-I miss you too (y/n) and I'm not going to expect you to jump just because I say to but I also don't want you to keep waiting like you use to. I don't like seeing you wait for-"

"Shawn, stop thinking that me waiting for you is torture because this hurts way worse than hearing you say "I'll be back soon". You left me when I thought we were good, you threw this at me when I was happy and now- now I'm not even half as happy. What you did I understand you did it out of caring but........ I miss you, us."

It was silent, no one was talking. I looked at him to understand what he was thinking but he faced down looking at the counter as he pulled at his hair. He got up and walked over to me slowly.

"You weren't the only one waiting, I hated leaving you. I couldn't wait til I could hold you're tiny figure in my arms, kiss your head your lips, hold you at night and fall asleep."

He kept bringing memories back as he said these things. I had almost forgot what it felt like to be in his arms, but I wouldn't let myself. I always remembered.

"I don't know if what we're doing right now is right but I don't care, I just want you. I want to try this with you. I came here because I wanted to see you but I also remember why I did it, you mess me up you know that?" He asked with a smile forming on his lips faintly.

His hands were then on my arms and his chest getting closer to mine, I was nervous but also happy. Happy to feel him hold me again. He lowered his head to mine as his lips got closer to mine as our eyes kept looking at each other. His lips ghost over mine and then met mine with his and I smiled into the kiss.

"I missed this," he said.

"Me too,"