Imagines | Shawn Mendes

5.8 + i miss you

I sat on my bed looking at my book but not focusing on it, the words were just plain writings on a paper that I held. One of his songs came on the radio from the kitchen. I missed him, like crazy. I sat my book on the nightstand and grabbed my hair and pulled at it slightly, nothing like he did though. When he'd kiss me and hold my hair in his gentle but manly hands and his lips would ghost over mine and then stop teasing me and finally touched me. I want him back, badly.

I went to my closet and pulled the box out, our box. I opened it and a folded piece of paper caught my eye, I opened it and read the words he wrote for me to form into a song. I want to hear him play the song again, I want to hear this voice speak to me again. All the stains, I had him and lose him. I sat it on the floor as I sat down and looked through the rest. The little key chain he gave me that had the letters S M on it. I didn't even notice but a tear fell down my cheek onto my hand.

I grabbed the necklace out he once gave me with a heart, I forgot about the heart. I opened the locket and saw a picture of us on it. He was kissing my cheek and I smiled with rosy cheeks. I didn't even notice the sounds that were being made by him, then I heard him walk behind me.

"Your door wasn't locked so I just walked in," he said sounding concerned.

"Oh, okay." I said as I tried wiping my cheek secretly but I guess it didn't work very well. He sat down next to me and sat the pictures on the box of us. He sighed and shook his head.

"I knew you weren't over him, I just didn't want to believe that." He said as I didn't make eye contact and I kept looking at the ground.

"I'm sorry," I said as my voice cracked.

He grabbed my face and gave me a kiss as he put his forehead on mine and looked into my eyes. He shook his head as I felt his skin move on my face and his breathe on my cheek. He wiped my tear off my cheek and gave a broken smile. He stood up and just left, he walked out and I felt the pain of missing Shawn and now hurting Jake. I pulled the pictures out and looked at our smiles and kisses on the cheeks. Saw the trips we took and how happy I was. I was happy with him.

I grabbed my phone and went to Instagram and saw his photos, his pictures of the crowds he was seeing every night. The pictures of the places he was seeing. I scrolled further down and saw the posts of us, I didn't even notice I've spent 30 minutes looking at them. I tapped on the post and saw the caption he put.

I love you, my love

There were more, far more. I looked at the bottom on the box and saw the ipod that he gave me with songs on it that made him think of me. I wonder if he still thinks of me when he hears them. I grabbed earphones from my nightstand and plugged it in and listened to them. Tears fell from my eyes and I couldn't stop crying. It's been months and I'm still not over him, he was my home how can you just forget about your home.

My phone buzzed and got a text from Jake.

You'll regret it if you don't do anything about this pain. Even if it's a simple text asking and telling him whatever it is, you should do it.

I told him I was sorry and I don't understand how I could do this to him.

It's hard not having a family and then Shawn leaving me because his family became mine as well, his mom could never replace mine but she was in the same picture.

I got my keys and got into my car just driving, not knowing where to go. I ended up at her house, I don't know why I came here. I wanted to, I shouldn't have I know that. I sat there as the music played and I beat myself up or being an idiot. I put the car in drive again and was about to drive off but I heard Aaliyah laugh as she was talking to someone. I saw her sitting on the grass with some friends. Seeing her brought a smile to my face but also tears to my eyes. My head landed on the steering wheel and I cried.

I heard a knock on my window thinking it was a neighbor wondering why I was parked there and just sitting. I rolled down the window and started saying sorry and that I'm leaving as I sipped my checks.

"(Y/n)?" I heard a voice say. I looked and saw Karen and she had a concerned look on her face. I opened my mouth and trying to say something but not know what to say.

"Sweetie, oh my gosh. What are you doing here?" She said as she opened the door and hugged me.

"I don't know, I just got caught up in- I let myself remember and I wish I didn't."

"What do you mean?" She asked as she "petting" my hair. I let go and pointed to the box and simply said.

"I miss him," I said as my voice cracked.

"Come on, come inside. I'll make you some hot chocolate." She said as she grabbed my hand with both of hers. I turned the car off and followed her as she hugged me from the side. Aaliyah's face fell as she saw me and she looked confused. Karen opened the door and went into the kitchen and sat me at the counter. Aaliyah came in behind and stopped as she faced me.

"(Y/n)?" She said as I saw her through the water in my eyes. She walked towards me and hugged me.

"What are you doing here?" She asked.

"I honestly don't know." I said with a voice crack. Karen gave me a mug and sat next to me.

"What made you remember?" She asked and she looked at me.

"One of his songs came on the radio in my house and just h-hearing his voice, I don't know it did something." I said. I stood up and sipped my eyes.

"This was a mistake, I should go." I said as I sipped my hands on my jeans.

"No, no no. Please talk to me." Karen said in a loving voice.

"I don't know what to say, I just need to....... I don't know but I need something." I said and more tears came.

"You need family right now, stay." She said as she held me close and Aliyah was stood still confused.

"But.....but I feel like I shouldn't be here. It doesn't feel right, I feel weird." I said.

"Okay then let's go somewhere else." Karen said grabbing her keys. She had me follow her to her car and we drove off to a little park somewhere.

"I never really knew why he ended it." Karen said as we sat in the car.

"He said he was gone too much and didn't want me waiting around every three months. But I would have waited three years if I had to, this just hurts more." I said crying into my hands. Karen rubbed my back and had her hand on my knee.

"I was seeing someone and it wasn't getting s-serious but I was looking at the box and he showed up. I didn't know he was coming over and he saw me and ended it. I'm mad at myself for doing that to him but I'm also mad at Shawn, I've been mad for months. I hate him! But I also still love him. And I wish I didn't." I stopped talking and looked out the window.

"You're his mom, I shouldn't be saying these things. You love him, I'm sorry. Honestly can we go, I shouldn't have- I'm sorry." She started the car and brought us back. The drive was silent and she pulled up to the driveway and I got unbuckled.

"I'm sorry, but thank you." I said opening the door and walking to my car. Aaliyah came up behind me and gave me a hug.

"I've missed you, I'm sorry my brothers and idiot." I half smiled down at her and hugged her back.

"I've missed you too," She let go and I walked to the car and started it driving off.

I parked and sat there. I went to his contact and started typing.

I miss you, and I hate you. You broke me, I'm still broke to this day.

I turned my phone off instead of hitting send.