Imagines | Shawn Mendes

1.9 + idiot

.*.•.*.

I hate it, I hate being alone in this house. Why'd I have the leave, why'd I have to just pick up my things and go out the door?

Because you weren't happy. Remember you felt lonely even next to him, even when you were in his arms your felt unsafe.

But did I really?

The silence was too much, the music was too loud. Nothing felt right.

Was it because he wasn't here?

Stop! Just stop. You did what you needed to, leave to fix yourself.

But I wasn't broken.

"I wasn't broken......" I looked at the mirror and saw the mascara run down my cheeks. I stared at myself and hated myself. "You weren't broken! You were stupid. You weren't thinking."

I went downstairs and saw the keys on the table taunting me. I shook my head and went to the kitchen and grabbed the alcohol bottle and taking it out the freezer. I sat it on the counter and looked at it.

"Don't, don't resort to that. That won't make you feel better."

I walked away and sat at the stool at the kitchen island. I twiddled my fingers and debated myself wondering if I stay here or go, go to him and make a fool of myself.

"He doesn't want to see you, he was happy you left."

I started crying again and fell off the stool to my legs. I pulled my knees to my chest and held onto my legs for dear life as if letting go would result to my breaking. I probably would have, I didn't have him to hold me together I had to do it myself.

I fell to my back and laid on the floor. I stared at the ceiling and thought back to when I left.

"Where are you going?" He asked as it put my bag in the car. I thought I would be able to leave before he got back.

"Shawn....I'm- im leaving."

The look on his face was full of shock and a loss of words.

"What do you mean? Are you leaving me?"

"I'm sorry," he grabbed my hand and held it.

"What did I do wrong?"

I shook my head. "Bye,"

"You can't just leave me." I got in the car and he watched me drive off which made it even harder to leave.

"IDIOT! Idiot. WHY?"

I took a deep breathe and pulled myself together. I got up and saw his hoodie on the couch. I brought it to my chest and could smell his scent on it still. Three days, I couldn't survive three days of this. I saw they keys again and I looked at them for a good 4 minutes. I put his hoodie on and ran to the keys getting in the car. I sat there for 10 minutes thinking about the smartest plan that would make me look like less of an idiot I could go by. I drove to his house and just sat there in the drive way waiting for something to happen, I don't know what but anything.

I got out and the rain stared hitting my hair and making me wet. I walked to his front door slowly resulting to me getting cold and soaking. I stood at the door and waited to knock. I picked up my left hand and knocked, my left and right hand holding each other to my chest scared out of my mind waiting for him to be there.

"(Y/n)?"

I brought my eyes off the floor and looked up and saw his hazel eyes that I've missed so much. I saw his lips I longed for, his arms I missed being in, his chest I missed being against, his hands I missed playing with. I missed him.

"Shawn......." tears escaped my eyes like a waterfall. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm an idiot. I'm sorry I left without and explanation because truth be told I didn't even know why I would do something so stupid. I don't understand myself right now, I don't understand why I would make such a rash decision without thinking it through, because if I thought it through I would have never left the only person that's ever gotten me and loved me."

"(Y/n)......" I held my body and the hoodie was a huge blanket on me.

"Y-yeah?"

"I've missed you sweet heart, stay here. Come home."

"Really?"

"Really, you must be freezing come on." He brought me in taking off my hoodie and placing it on an hanger to dry. I took my shoes off.

We both stood staring at each other as our faces came closer and closer.

"You know it's not got to stay in wet clothes, you could get sick." Shawn said as our lips came closer and closer.

"I don't want that."

"Neither do it. Come on we'll got you warm dry clothes and we can talk."

"Okay."