Taekook Oneshots

Truth Untold

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Have you ever felt like someone is out of your reach, despite everything you do to try and get to them? Have you ever wondered how they really feel when your name pops up on their screen, and they have to decide whether to answer or ignore for the tenth time that day? Is it something you've ever had to deal with, a pain you've ever had when you know that they've seen that you need them, but they just don't care enough to reply?

Sometimes I get that feeling. And I hate it. I hate it with every fibre of my being. Even though I know that he never ignores me knowingly.

What gives him the right to pull at my heart like this, rip me into shreds and not even apologise, not even try to fix the shattered pieces together? What gives him the right to be completely oblivious to what's going on in my mind, the right to believe I only see him as a friend?

Of course, this pointless complaining will get me nowhere. You can't gain someone's love through a pathetic call for sympathy. You can't reach out too much, or you'll lose your balance. And then what are you supposed to do? Shatter?

No. I refuse to let his ignorance bug me. I'm stronger than that.

At least, that's what I tell myself.

But when I see him, when I meet his eyes, I forgive him in seconds. Those captivating brown eyes, that beg me to let go of my self hatred, that jet black hair that contrasts his pale skin better than anything I've ever seen. The rare bunny smile, an expression I don't get to see as often. That dry sense of humour that has me in stitches. The casual, confident way he moves, as if he knows how attractive he really is.

I can't do anything to change the truth. I know it's not good, it's dangerous for my mental health to be this invested in someone who'll never want me. But I constantly find myself pulled back into orbit around him, though I know he'd never notice me. I'm too far away. He's out of my league. And I know that.

Doesn't change what my heart wants.

There have been days when I envision what would happen if I told him how I really feel, what would happen if I just walked up to him one day and kissed that stupidly attractive smirk off his face, what would happen if I told him how much I want him. But it always ends with rejection, with heartbreak, with the loss of a friendship, and so I say nothing.

I don't want to be the one to break the ice.

I don't have the courage.

Jeon Jungkook is somewhat of an enigma to me, I guess, simply because I can't understand him as much as I wish I did. If I could, I would crack that code, and read him like a book, comprehend every word and every movement. But I can't. It just feels too impossible. He needs to give me a clue, and I know he never would.

He seems so confident, so calm and collected, but he can get so flustered around people he likes. And that's how I know I have no choice. Because he just treats me as he always has.

As a best friend, an older brother, someone he can rely on.

That's all I'll ever be.

I think he does have a crush on someone, though he won't tell me who. He gets lost in thought sometimes when I call him, when we finally do talk, and it's almost infuriating to see him bite his lip like that and know it's not me in his mind. I'm not the one he wants.

But one day, I just snap. I say everything I've wanted to say for weeks now, for months, for years.

I run over to his house one morning, knock on the door, smile awkwardly when his mother is standing there raising a confused eyebrow at me because she wasn't expecting me to be here. She smiles back after a few seconds, assuming that I want to speak to her son and letting me into the house, telling me that he's in his room.