That's Christmas To Me

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I first met Jeon Jungkook when he was three years old. I was four, nearly five, when he moved in next door with his mother and grandmother. My parents were friendly to his family, always visiting with food, and then one day his family came around to our house to introduce us to each other. Because they figured that we might get along, I guess, I'm not really sure what their motives were.

Whatever they thought, they were right to get us to meet. That's for certain.

After all, we started to become best friends from the moment I first saw him, standing nervously in the corridor of my house. There was no hesitation, no confusion about it at all I knew that we would be, as his adorable three year old brain put it 'besties for lyfe!'

His mother arrived, holding his hand firmly in her own, and we both hid behind our respective female parental figures, avoiding each other as if the other was dangerous in some way. And they sighed, smiling accommodatingly at us, hoping desperately that one of us would be brave enough to start a conversation.

"H-Hi," he said quietly, when shoved forward by his impatient mother. "I-I'm Jungkoo," he added on, at another press of her hand. And then he managed a small, anxious smile, and my heart stuttered at the sight in front of me. It was quite possibly the sweetest thing I'd ever seen.

And as a five year old, I hadn't seen much, but that was still incredible to me. So it didn't really matter that much.

I smiled back, waddling forward in the way that tiny children do, taking one of his hands and holding it without even asking for permission. "Hi Jungkoo, I'm Tae," I told him quietly, and he watched me with more curiosity than fear, like I was something he'd never seen before. Like I was somehow different from other small children, or from the adults he interacted with on a daily basis. It made me feel important, like I was someone special, or someone who was trustworthy.

If I knew then what he'd be to me, twelve years on, I would have treated him so much more like I do now. But, being oblivious to the future that was coming for us, we were perhaps almost irritatingly platonic, ignorantly innocent of the reality.

Christmas became our method of understanding what was really there, what was hiding within us throughout these early years of our friendship, what would happen when we became old enough to understand the difference between platonic love and romantic love.

This pattern begun when I was ten years old. It was the year that our parents told us the rule of mistletoe, after mine were caught by both of us, exchanging an innocent kiss under a sprig of leaves in a doorway.

Jungkook glanced over at me as we listened to their explanation of the old tradition, his eyes bright with an idea that, as an eight year old, seemed like nothing more than a way to show his best friend how much he cared.

I didn't know what was going on, as he dragged me forward by the hand eagerly, to the doorway, positioning us carefully under the mistletoe. Our parents watched with knowing amused eyes as he looked up at the sprig of leaves above us for a moment, hesitating before leaning forward and pressing his lips gently against my cheek.

I still remember the shocked realisation of what he'd just done, the blush, and the way my mother tutted at him, shaking her head and telling him that a kiss on the lips was a better show of your appreciation for a person. He considered her words for a moment, standing there with his mouth pursed in thought, and I couldn't stop myself from leaning forward (partially because his grandmother pushed me ever so slightly) and kissing him properly, feeling him respond clumsily, pulling away to bright red cheeks and shyly joining hands.

There was a flash, as we stood there staring in shocked silence at each other, and then we glanced over to see that my father had a Polaroid camera in his hand, and a small photo was slowly sliding out of the side of the camera. For a moment, I considered being angry at him, then Jungkook smiled wider than I'd ever seen before, and I forgot all about that.

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