Taekook Oneshots

Flicker

(I don't even know if this counts as taekook coz it doesn't mention them directly, it's more just one of my weird metaphor things that vaguely mentions love but it's an update...so enjoy! it's also unedited so ignore typos plz thanks)

When the world itself is spinning round, it's hard not to feel like you're in the middle of a centrifuge sometimes. When the chaos takes over, when the entire universe seems to move on without you, battering you like a pedestrian on the edge of a motorway, it's hard to believe that you'll pick up speed again. I don't understand it, not really, but I don't think I ever will. 

It's weird, feeling like you're suspended in motion, lost in a second of confusion without any explanation for the situation. When the mind feels restless but the body is stuck, or when your fingers itch but there's no words to express, it's difficult to decide how to fix it. Is it possible that there's no fix? 

There has to be. There has to be something that frees us from it, frees us from the cycle of nothingness, momentum with no acceleration. When you're in some kind of free-fall, there has to be a way to land. There has to be some way that you can gain a grip on reality again, without breaking in half. But why is it that every time I find myself reaching for sanity again, I end up shattering into pieces? Why is it always that way? 

Love never makes sense, I know. It's never supposed to anyway, but there's something in me that wants to see a pattern. That wants to understand why I felt like I wasn't lovable for so long, why I felt like an alien coming to a planet I never knew. Of course, it was easy to pretend that it was all a joke, that it was all easy. It's simple to make life seem less confusing that it really is, to pretend to be coping, but that doesn't always mean that it's true. That doesn't always mean that you can be free from your own mind. 

The mind is a crazy thing, after all. It's a chaotic mess, a jumble of connections that try their best to focus on something. And they never fucking do. They always just get the corner of an epiphany, but don't make the effort to hit bullseye. No targets ever get reached, and that's so goddamn frustrating. 

But then again, what does it matter, in the end? We're all just sparks, little flickers of a candle that die out before they truly get started. We're all stuck, frozen in our little seconds of paradise before the flame winks back out and we die again. Souls mean nothing, identity is nothing when there's nothing left to see.

When you go back to the void, what does it even mean if you're there to begin with? Why would it mean anything, anyway? Most things don't, I've found. Most things are just blips, dots in the great picture that is reality. 

We try to be better, sometimes. We try to matter to someone, try to reach out into the void and beyond and find something to grasp onto, anything. A life-ring, a piece of driftwood, something floating in the ocean that is existence. But why would it matter, when we end up losing those people anyway? What impact does it ever have? A ripple cannot make a wave, and a wave cannot make a tsunami on its own. 

But maybe together we can mean more. Together, we can bring something to life. We can fight off the melancholy that comes with consciousness, and battle to bring something else to light. A brighter spotlight, a highlight in the record of the cosmos. It may not matter in the long run, but I'd rather mean something to someone than nothing to anyone. 

Love is a chaotic thing, isn't it? We sit there waiting for something, waiting for someone, and when they appear we wonder why they don't fit our ideal, our perfect vision of our own saviours. But nobody's made to save me. Nobody's made to save anyone other than themselves, they just don't understand why they should bother. 

When I first met him, I didn't think much of it. There were no sparks, no promises, no three-day whirlwind of Shakespearean design. Nobody lit a set of fireworks over our heads the day we were first introduced. And what would that kind of gesture even mean to someone like me, anyway? It would just be a sign of something falling, something exploding and coming back down to earth.