Taekook Oneshots

Neon Pegasus

My job is complicated, but I like to think I do it well. After all, not many are able to traverse time and space, or provide random assistance to young men who are trying to hide the fact that they're secretly in love. I mean, come on, it's obvious-

Sorry. I went on a tangent there. This is not about me. You're here to hear the story of your two favourite young men, your favourite tale of true love and villains vanquished. All that cheesy shit. I say that, but then of course I am what I am. So...I can hardly talk.

I digress.

I first came into contact with the pair in question when I was relatively new to my role, still in denial about the cutesy shit I deal with on a daily basis nowadays. I was much younger, much more unwilling to work with my clients, much more nervous about leaping from dimension to dimension.

They were best friends, of course, just conversing as normal individuals do, about something unimportant. Could have been something to do with video games, or 'hot girls' or something they saw in the week's episode of a drama.

Oh, you actually wanna know the details? Ugh, fine. Give me a second, gotta reboot my memory. Not working properly today, I'm afraid. Comes with age. Which of course, happens to us all. But when you're as young as you lot, you don't really think about the consequences of being young. I know I didn't.

See? Tangents are like second nature to me now. But here we are....flashback time....

*wibbly wobbly timey wimey noises*

"Tae, do you think you could pass the salt?"
"Why, you planning to expel any demons?" There was a collective sigh, and then some loud laughing which reminded those present of a particularly squeaky dolphin choking. "Come on, that was kinda funny, guys!"
"Sure, whatever," Taehyung grumbled, rolling his eyes and passing the salt as he'd been asked.

I was watching in my minimised form from a nearby plant, so I was unable to properly record in my memory the expression of the youngest member of the group, who had requested the salt in the first place. But his voice told all. Calm, bored, and a little irritated.

"We're not here to be stupid," Jungkook muttered, sighing a little. "I don't have the time, not anymore."
"That reminds me, why are we actually here? What did you need to tell us, Kook?" the dolphin asked (I believe his name was actually Jin, but for humour purposes he was just called a dolphin, because jokes apparently make stories such as this more palatable for the human mind), sounding faintly concerned.

"Ah, yes," Jungkook responded. Nervously. "You see, I called everyone here today because I had to explain something. I know that a while ago I was talking about that show and that company and whatever..right?"
"You were talking about what?"

Everyone turned to stare for a moment at the waiter who'd just come to check everything was okay with the table, like they do in Britain. "Excuse me, where did we say that you were involved in this conversation?" Min Yoongi (mint hair colour, a little on the sassy side - who am I kidding, he was a savage little sausage. One of my favourite humans ever) questioned, raising an unimpressed eyebrow.

"I-"
"That's what I thought. Everything's fine with the table, just get lost so that our friend can continue in peace, please."
"Hyung, you're not normally like this. That was mean." Yoongi pulled a face.
"What do you mean, 'not normally like this'? This is my personality. Get used to it, kid. I'm not gonna change for anyone."

"No, it's almost like your dislike for humanity has been dramatically heightened for the sake of comedy and for the sake of a plot because stereotyping personalities is apparently the most important part of story writing. After all, multifaceted humans are too hard and complicated."