Under The Bridge(Chresanto August)

6.3

Can I just talk to y'all for a minute? I been through it these past two months. There have been so many ups and downs that I've been dealing with.

So, for starters, I started dating this guy (let's call him jerk-face.) Now jerk-face has been in my life for six years, which feels like forever. He used to be so sweet, and caring, and I just really, really love him. So basically, jerk-face hasn't always been a jerk-face.

But after we decided, after about five years of knowing we had feelings for each other, to start dating. We've already had major ups and downs, so I don't know why we thought it was a good idea. But we did it anyway, unfortunately.

Was it a good experience? Sometimes. Did I learn a lot? Most definitely. However, in the process of getting together, and breaking up within a month and a half of being together, I lost my best friend. We were together exactly a month and a half. When he wasn't being a jerk-face, I felt so comfortable with him. I could be myself, without fearing he would judge me. It's always been that way with him. I'm a very shy person, and I'm awkward because I'm shy, but it wasn't like that with him. I could be myself and that felt amazing.

Jerk-face lives in another state. We met because I lived in the house next to his mom'a house. He lives with his dad most of the year, but goes to his mom's for the summer. That's how I met him. And we became best friends, and the next year, we both realized we felt some type of way for each other.

Anyway, back to what I was saying. Jerk-face and I decided to date. And everything was fine, when he was here. It felt like he changed into a whole other person when he left. He wasn't the person that I loved so much. When he was here, he was all about cuddling and telling me how much I mean to him and how much he loves me. He went home and I couldn't even get him to say "I love you too" anymore, especially when his friends were around.

He started being really mean and jealous over my friend. I only have one friend, and he's a male, but he's my best friend, and nothing more. However, if I asked jerk-face to stop doing something, I would expect him to do it. So I told him I wouldn't post about him so much. But everything I asked jerk-face not to do, he made a huge deal about it. He always said I was too sensitive, and he doesn't always have time to talk. All I asked was that he be less mean.

For example, I dyed my hair pink on the bottom, and he said ew. He dyed his hair freaking yellow and I told him it looked amazing. Then he told me I looked better when it was just blonde. Which I mean, everyone has their own opinions, but you should at least try to protect your girlfriend's feelings. I protected his a lot.

And when I asked him to talk to me, I more so was asking that rather than ignore me when he's upset, that he tell me why he's upset so we can fix it. Every time we argued, he just straight ignored me.

But every time I would try to discuss something important, he'd tell me he was busy or just not respond at all. And if he did, it was always, idc, it's up to you. Feeling like your boyfriend doesn't care about you or your relationship really sucks.

I gave him so much of myself, especially emotionally. I dedicated a lot of time to him. Then when I try to talk to him about how we need to communicate better, he tells me he put in all the effort for weeks, so why do I expect him to try now? Let me just say, I still don't know what he meant. Because every other day, regardless of if I just worked a nine hour shift and had another one the next day, I went to his house to hang out with him. He came to my house 2 times, once for my birthday, once for his going away party. I "lent" him $20 that I never got back, but I never asked for it back either. I called off of work to see him before he left. I bought him chewing tobacco more times than I can count, and never asked to be paid back. I picked him up and took him wherever he needed to go.