Keeping Up With the Kardashians

KUTWK SEASON FIVE EPISODE NINE

Welcome back to Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Season Five (???), Episode Nine!

Last time on Keeping Up with the Kardashians..

Dylan: time to use my super political connections...

>Dylan calls Earlene.<

Earlene: I'm middle of a brain surgery, what's going on?

>In an interview with Earlene..<

Director: Would you please introduce yourself?

Earlene: I am a successful neurologist, and being rich comes with the territory, because way too many people fall down and almost kill themselves.

Earlene: Just because I'm rich, Dylan dragged me into this mess, because apparently my bank account is more like a phone number, like his..

Earlene: Also I'm here to throw shade for y'all, strap yourselves up...

>Back to reality..<

Dylan: EARLENE YOU REMEMBERED ME

Earlene: I regret it now.

Dylan: ...what....?

Dylan: Anyways, would you remember Kenneth?

Earlene: That little piece of >BEEP<? Damn right I do. Why?

Dylan: Kenneth... is right here in my home/ restaurant-

Earlene: That shouldn't be a problem since...

Dylan: -And Jon and Raphael aren't here-

Earlene: Oh you're so screwed.

Dylan: I need your help to get rid of him, and we have him distracted by Lindsay, Keira and Michelle's Chinese version of Let It Go, but it's only momentary! Halp.

Earlene: no.

Dylan: I'll give you money.

Earlene: I'm richer than you, so stfu.

Dylan: I'll buy you tickets to the next BlackPink show.

>Josh SCREECHING in the background.<

>Not to mention all of BlackPink fangirls.<

Earlene: ...I'll need more.

Dylan: I'll give you all the free access of all the K-dramas you want.

Earlene: DEAL

Earlene: I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES

Dylan: Don't you have to finish your brain surgery?!

Earlene: THE DUDE WAS ABOUT TO DIE ANYWAYS, NOTHING COMPARED TO K-POP AND K-DRAMAS.

>The call hangs up.<

Dylan: Her priorities are really straight...

Josh in the distance: unlike me :D

Dylan: >shouts back< WE >redacted<ING KNOW IT.

>Earlene arrives.<

>Wow, neurologist money gets you to places.<

Earlene: I had a private jet.

>...Dayum.<

Earlene: So how do we get rid of Kenneth?

Dylan: In the incredibly short space of time between me calling you and you arriving, I have formulated a plan that RIVALS THE INTELLIGENCE OF GODS-

>Earlene's phone dings.<

Jonathan: Raphael and I told him the plan btw.

Earlene: >texting at Godspeed< How did you know that?

Jonathan: We're above you; in a helicopter, watching you in the mess.

Jonathan: The helicopter's service is really good btw, especially  the popcorn like damn.

Dylan: Helloo?!?! Can I reveal my incredibly smart plan now?!?

Earlene: >rolls eyes< Sure.... your plan.

Dylan: You know how back in the days of our sweet, innocent childhood..

Earlene: >coughs< yes the days before puberty you mean >cough<

Dylan: -.- remember when you were supposed to sit with Kenneth and he hated it?

Dylan: and that whenever you moved he was like, "ew cringe gEt awAy frOM me you She-demon"?

Earlene: Those were the worst days of my life.

Dylan: Anyways, I think Kenneth's cringing weaknesses is...

Dylan: >shouts to the sky< RAPH DRUMROLL PLS

Raphael: >whispers to Jon< But that's against our plan for watching World War M...

Jon: >stuffs his face with popcorn< It's fine... go with it

Jon: I wonder why we didn't make a whole reality show about our lives sooner..

Raphael: COMMENCING DRUMROLL

>tatatatatatattaattatataatattatattatataaaaa<

>...What? We can't afford a drumroll effect okay.<

Dylan: the way we will defeat Kenneth is by YOU (by that, I meant Earlene) touching him!

Earlene: Honestly how does that work

Earlene: Boys... are so immature...

Earlene: why didn't women take over the world when we had the chance...

Earlene: hmm...

Earlene: huehuehuehuehuehue...

Dylan: dafuq...

Dylan: Do you agree with my plan?!

Earlene: Yes, now lead me to the monster!!

Earlene: I meant Satan from Hell itself but they're both the same

>Kenneth still cringing in the corner.<

Kenneth: Jayus banggettt

Earlene: If Chinese Let It Go didn't work on him, how'd you keep him occupied?

Dylan: Jon thought ahead (the usual for his SMART ARSE) and the Chinese Let It Go was just the start of a 'cringe compilation' as he calls it.

Earlene: What was next after that?

Dylan: ...All our Literature rap videos..

Earlene: Give me holy water for I have cringed at the mention of our all-time lows...

>While walking to Kenneth, guided by the screams and moans of cringe...<

Earlene: >stops short< Dylan, we have a problem..

Dylan: What?

Earlene: YOU DIDN'T FREAKING TELL ME ABOUT THE MOLE-BOTS.

Well, shiet, innit? Will they figure out a plan to defeat both Kenneth and the mole-bots? Are Jonathan and Raphael going to throw down popcorn in support? Will the readers TAP THAT VOTE BUTTON (#spon) to help us afford actual sound effects? (Seriously pls do ;-;) Find out in the next episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians!