The Happiness Of Tragedy

Chapter 55

"Yes Mom, I'm fine I swear to you. What about you guys?" I ask her after she asked me for the hundredth time if I was fine.

I mean...I am fine.

I sit up in bed and try holding the phone to my ear while I use my hands to struggle at tieing my hair up in a high bun.

"Today I have no idea what's going on, what is Macy and Kevin doing?"

They are out in the backyard, your dad is out there reading the newspaper too - Mom

"The usual Saturday huh?" I chuckle lightly and I can just see Moms smile in my head as she speaks.

You know he's never going to stop reading the paper. He thinks you'll appear in it again and I kept telling him you won't. Everythings all taken care of - Mom

"Yeah" I said in a low voice.

What if Levi ended up in the paper? They would make something so big out of what they did to those people. What if he does and Dad comes across it? Or maybe it won't, the school is a great distance from home. But you ended up being the topic of the college because you were in the paper Katerina, you were in the paper.

I push the thoughts in my mind away, "so what are the plans for break? I'm really excited about coming home" you couldn't hear the excitement in my voice but my mind was there.

Really? You don't sound excited - Mom

"But I am though, I plan to spend alot of time with you guys. Just having fun maybe" I tell her.

Well I have no idea, though your brother and sister may have an idea. Katerina you want to spend time with us, I kinda thought you'd want to spend time with your boyfriend - Mom

"Of course I want to spend time with you guys" I skip the other statement she made, hoping she doesn't notice.

Don't skip over the subject, tell me what's going on there. Did something happen? Do you need me to come there today? I will, if you want and we can go out and talk and eat ice cream - Mom

I looked at my dresser over by the wall. The empty carton of Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream sits on top with a silver spoon in it. I don't want any ice cream. Violet talked my head off about going out by myself to the beach yesterday. She had specifically stated that I stay put and next time to invite her with me or I go with them.

I look over at her bed. She's not in it, she left earlier before I even woke up. She had texted my phone to tell me she was spending more time with Anthony before he took an early trip for Christmas break.

"Its okay Mom" I swallow, "you don't have to come here today I'm fine, okay?" I force a smile even though she can't see me. I don't want to talk about Levi at all. The only way to get over him is to not talk about him. And even though I probably won't be able to get over him completely, I still don't say anything. Only thing I can't get rid of, are the thoughts and memories in my head. They say memories are the best parts of life, the one thing that flashes through your mind when something goes wrong.

You don't sound fine sweetheart, are you sure? Where is he right now? Is he with you? - Mom

"No Mom, he's not but he's fine" I tell her.

I need to hang up, I need to hang up before the emotion in my throat reaches the surface while I'm still on the phone with Mom.

"I'm gonna go, okay Mom? I love you and tell my siblings I love them and also Dad please"