The Happiness Of Tragedy

Chapter 65

3 days...

It's been three days home with my family and we've just been having the time of our lives if I had to make it as blunt as possible. I have to say it's been the highlight of my miserable mindset. All I can think about is Levi.

It's been three days since I've talked to my friends and I've seen or heard from Ali-Anne. She and her family have decided to go on a vacation and as much as I would have loved to join her, we couldn't. Mom decided it was best if we just stayed home this year. Maybe next year though.

I haven't heard anything from Violet or Monica, the last time they texted me was three days ago. And I didn't want to bother them at all since it was break and they deserved the vacation time without having to hear from me. I also didn't take her advice and call to hear anything about Levi because...well, I just didn't want too. I've just been reading his notebook and to make matters worse, I've read every single entry in this notebook of his and theres one entry that I can't get out of my head. Only one, and for three days straight I've read it.

I haven't been miserable or unhappy here with my family. I have been completely fulfilled and honest and happy having the time with my siblings and my parents and the new puppy. But something was just off and every time I came into my room I found myself grabbing the notebook and reading the same entry I have been reading. For three days.

I can't help but feel broken as to what mistake I've made. Its going to hurt me and hurt her but I just can't get the courage to tell her yet. I don't want too, she will end up hating me and I don't want that. I'll never be able to live with myself. I've made the mistake and choosing the wrong friends. They have gotten themselves in something and now I'm involved in it and It's my fault. I was drunk and out of my mind and now it looks like I was involved in an assault and stabbing but I wasn't. That's not me, I could never. Not after what happened to my girlfriend in her high school. But now it's too late and she will find out. David will tell her before I can, I know he will. I hate myself for this, I wish I could've did something but I swear to my every bone that I did nothing to those people. I couldn't, I wouldn't. And I just can't unsee it now. I can't unsee the fact that I have had many dreams of the girl being my girlfriend and me being too drunk to stop them from raping and killing her. I would kill myself. I should but then I wouldn't be able to tell her what really happened. This will probably be the last entry, I just hope no one reads this.

But I did read it, and I can't stop reading it. This was his last entry, the rest of the pages were blank and white clean. Now I see that maybe he is telling the truth and maybe I have made a mistake. Levi Price is the Happiness of my Tragedy and I sure as hell am his. But I threw that all away. What if he really is telling the truth? What if he didn't do anything and was too drunk to stop his friends? And even though these questions run through my mind nonstop, I can't get the courage to call to see how he is doing. I just can't. He probably wants nothing to do with me. I never let him explain, I only heard what the story was from David's hearing, what he heard and not his son.

No one is perfect, Levi isn't and I'm not and that's okay. It's okay to hurt and make mistakes like Ruby had said but are we willing to realize the truth and forgive? We could never forget but it's in the past and it will remain in our memories for as long as we live. It's what keeps up going, our mistakes.

"Katerina!" Macy runs into my room and starts jumping on the bed.

I close the book and sit it on my nightstand. I smile and grab her and start tickling her causing her laughter to stretch around the room.