i'm sorry that i fell for you -jaegan-

chapter eight - i don't know

justin's pov:

"wow um..i didn't know you wanted to just do that." he scratches his head a bit. i know you didn't.

"you know you're not as practical as i thought." i tell him and he looks at me confused.

"what do you mean?" he asks.

"i really thought you wanted to spend time with me. like actually have some time together to maybe get to know each other. but i was totally wrong. i should have known how you are is how you'll always be." i say simply and his eyes widen a bit.

"oh. uhm-"

"a-and.." i cut him off. "who were you kissing when i saw you?"

"some girl that's in a few of my classes." he says without any sympathy. of course he wouldn't have that.

"why did you kiss her?" i ask a little quietly, almost a mumble. my eyes fill with tears as i look away from him.

"what? i-i-"

"especially after we had sex that night before. w-why?" i stutter, wiping my tears away with my hand.

"jay." he scoots closer to me in a smooth motion, and lifts my head up. when he looks into my eyes i can almost see the fear in his. he doesn't understand.

"you're crying?" he asks me and i wipe my face again, not wanting him to see me like this.

"no." i shake my head, moving away from him. when i look at him again i see the realization hit him.

"are you-..are you catching feelings for me?" he asks and i feel my hands start to sweat. i don't know. i DON'T KNOW!

"i don't know. maybe. no. fuck! no, no i'm not." i ramble, standing up off the couch. "i just wanna know why you kissed her. why would you kiss her after we just fucked! that's never happened to me before. no one has ever just gone to someone else so fast." i say loudly at him. woah i did not just say that.

"justin i've always done that." he says, standing up and coming closer to me again. this time i let him. he stands close to my body and grabs my hand.

"you said you wouldn't catch feelings-"

"yeah raegan well i guess you can't believe everything i say then, huh? and i guess i'm not as tough as you thought. sorry." i say and turn around, walking away from him and up my stairs. i walk into my room, closing the door. this is so embarrassing. i do. i do like him. how did i fall so easily?!

there is a slight knock at my door a few minutes later. wow, he never left.

"justin i can't just leave you like this." i hear him through the door and i don't move off my bed. i actually didn't lock my door. i just shut it.

"it doesn't matter. go to that girl, whoever she was and have fun." i say and i know he heard me, because he opens my door. i just look at him as he walks in, his head slightly down.

"i don't want you upset-"

"well i am rae!" i raise my voice at him, sitting up, my legs hanging off the edge of the bed. "i knew you did shit like this, but i didn't think you'd go and make out when a random girl after we did what we did the night before. i didn't expect it. i didn't think you were that bad." i explain to him.

"i thought you did know that. i kiss someone one minute and the next minute i'm off to someone else possibly having sex. i don't do relationships. i don't catch feelings. everyone is just a person to me. a pair of lips and whatever is between their legs." he says and i can't believe he's that bad. that is so bad. how does he do it?

"well, i didn't." i clear my throat. "can you leave, please?"

"do you like me?" he asks.

"no. i don't know. i honestly don't know what it is. i thought we'd have something with just us for a while. but i didn't expect to feel this horrible feeling so fast. or at all. i-i didn't like you kissing her."

"fuck." he mumbles, kind of turning around and pulling his hair in frustration. he takes a deep breath.

"just leave-"

"no." he shakes his head, coming closer to me. "not this time."

"there's nothing else to be said. it's stupid." i say.

"i told you, just because of the way i work things doesn't mean i don't care. i don't want you upset. i don't want you to feel lonely." he says. he puts both of his hands on my face and leans in to kiss me passionately. i kiss back, loving the feeling of his lips on mine. of his warm hands on my face. wow i could kiss him forever. we pull away slowly and i keep my eyes closed for a moment, until i open them just for our eyes to meet.

"i want you to leave." i say softly. i can't do this.

"promise me you'll text me tomorrow." he says.

"wouldn't you want to get rid of me now? now that you know i feel something?" i ask, our eyes still glued to each other's.

"no." he says almost in a whisper. "you just don't want to like someone like me."

"i know." i tell him. i look away from him and scoot away. "i'll talk to you tomorrow." he smiles a little at my words.

"okay." he says, getting up and walking to my bedroom door. then, he stops for a moment. "and i don't know why kissed her. she was just there to be honest." is all he says and then he's gone. ah shit.

i shouldn't care that he kissed her. i shouldn't have feel for the boy who doesn't date and doesn't catch feelings. will be still try to kiss me? what if my feelings grow? what if he wants to get rid of me one day???

wow impressive? i think so
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