i'm sorry that i fell for you -jaegan-

chapter fourty seven - no

justin's p.o.v

"justin, it's getting late." i feel a hand on my shoulder as i'm seated in the chair next to rae's bed..still. dave and the other two boys came back in after they left me alone with him to talk to him a little and then say bye. but i've been here, in the same spot.

"yeah." i sniff my nose, looking down at our hands as i rub my thumb against the back of his hand.

"you can come back tomorrow after school." his mother tells me as i stand up, facing her.

"i'm so sorry." i say shaking my head.

"it's okay honey." she opens her arms and pulls me into a big hug. one i really needed right now.

"the last thing raegan and i did was fight before he got in that accident. if i had just trusted him and not gone crazy, he would of stayed." my lips quiver as i talk to her, feeling terrible.

"oh no justin this is not your fault at all." she says sweetly to me. "nothing could of prevented this." she shakes her head.

"i guess." i shrug. she looks over at him.

"the doctor told me he will probably only have memory less. it could of been much worse. he'll be okay, i promise." she rubs my arm in a comforting way and i just nod. "you can say bye and head home. i'll see you tomorrow." she smiles a little and walks out of the room, leaving us alone.

i take a seat back in the chair and look up at his face. he had IVs in his hands and arms and a beeping machine. when will he came up? i miss him.

i stand up now and lean over, planting a kiss on his forehead gently. a tear rolls down my cheek and lands on his chest.

"i love you." i say quietly, looking at him one more time. i turn around, taking a deep breath and walking out of the room.

i say another goodbye to his parents make my way to the exit of the hospital. i walk to my car and get in, driving home safely.

when i get home, i walk inside and see my parents on the couch. my mom gets up and rushes to me, hugging me tightly.

"is he okay?" she asks right away. we let go of the hug and she looks at me.

"he's alright but he's most likely not going to remember anything when he walks up." i pout and her eyes open wide in shock.

"what?" she asks in disbelief. i nod, looking down.

"he has some brain damage from the impact of the car crash." i say and she kisses my forehead, rubbing my arm.

"i'm so sorry jay." my dad comes over and gives me a quick hug.

"you can make new memories. maybe he'll remember you when you show him what you guys had." my mom says in a reassuring voice.

"yeah, i'm going to go to bed now." i say and nudge my head upstairs. they both nod and say goodnight as i do too. then i make my way upstairs.

the next day, i made it through school today, barely. i couldn't focus. all i thought about was raegan in that hospital bed. how he won't remember me, or anyone. we've been through crazy times. crazy times to get us where we are now.

i'm driving to the hospital right after school and i believe dave, shane, and caleb are as well. when i get there, i park in a spot and get out, seeing the boys parked right next to me. dave gives me a faint smile as i walk up to them.

"hey." i say quietly. "you haven't heard anything, right?"

"no, i'm sorry." dave response. i nod, looking down at my feet. "i um.." my head shoots up at him. "i'm also sorry about everything. we're all sorry." the two boys behind him nod.

"oh uh, thank you for apologizing." i tell them all, looking at the three of them.

"raegan didn't want to do what he did. i got him drunk again. you were right about what you said the other day. i'm just an asshole." he shrugs.

"i'm just worried about raegan right now. we're fine. we need to be on good terms to help rae when he wakes up." i say and they all seem to agree.

"i think he'll remember you. you two have been through a lot. and you've talked to him the most while he's been asleep." dave says and i nod slowly.

"yeah, i hope so." i grin a little.

"let's go inside." we all start to make our way in the building. we sign in at the front desk and start to walk down the hallway.

"boys!" raegan's mother quickly comes down the hallway. "he's waking up."

we all rush down the hallway to his room. we relax once we all walk in carefully, watching the doctor near him go make sure he's okay. his mom and dad go over near him as the doctor moves away and i see him. his beautiful eyes have opened and he's looking at his parents now. my eyes fill with tears at the sight of him awake.

"hi raegan." his mom takes his hand as she sits in the chair. i'm sure she's happy that he's awake but we need to be gentle.

"w-who's raegan?" he stutters a little and my heart starts racing. that's not a good start.

"you're raegan, honey. that's your name." his mom tells him and he looks at her intensely.

"i know you." he says very quietly. "y-you're my..mom. and you're my dad, right?" he looks between the both of them a few times and they both nod, grateful.

"yes, i love you." she says hugging him gently. he squeezes her and nods gently. his father hugs him next and they look so happy. how did he not remember his own name but his parents?

"that's a good sign." the doctor says smiling a little. "i didn't expect that."

his mom looks at me and his friends as raegan does too. "rae, baby?" his mom asks and he looks at her.

"yeah?" he asks.

"do you know who those three boys to the left are?" she asks first, talking about dave, shane, and caleb. raegan looks at them, scratching his head a little.

"no." he shakes his head, looking back at his mother. i look over and dave looks the most upset.

"o-okay uh.." i step forward slowly and pray that he knows who i am. even just my name would be better than nothing. "do you know who this boy is?"

he slowly looks at me and our eyes lock immediately. he squints his eyes a little, focusing hard on if he knows who i am. then, he shakes his head slowly.

"no." he says and looks back at his mother again. they all look at me and water starts flooding out my eyes without me even thinking about it.

"justin-" dave tries to say but i quickly walk out of the room, covering my face with my hands. no. this isn't fair. why him?

i run into the bathroom, leaning over the sink trying to catch my breath. the love of my doesn't know who i am. i'm a nobody. how will i ever tell him what we've been through without it being too much for him?

oh no, that's sad :(
i'm so mad i love this book and no one reads it 😂😭
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