i'm sorry that i fell for you -jaegan-

chapter sixty one - regret

justins p.o.v

the doctor came back into the room a few minutes later, holding papers in his hand. all of our attention turned to him.

"so it seems as if we don't exactly know the problem here." he says, flipping over a paper he has on a clipboard. "this is like something we've never dealt with before."

"so what, he's just going to never get his memory back?" his mother asks, a little sass in her voice.

"we don't know for sure. the only thing i can tell you for now is that this may keep happening. or it may not. we are still running tests but the only thing we can do for now is help him restore his memory." he says and i slowly close my eyes, bringing my head down.

"i already did that once. if this keeps happening i don't know how i'll be able to keep doing this." i say quietly. this is not what i wanted to hear, at all.

"raegan may have a very rare disease that i was taught very little about. we may have to get a professional doctor to check him out." he says, giving his mother a slight grin. "i'm sorry, i'll be back soon once again." and he leaves.

"this is horrible. he can't just keep losing his memory after restoring it back." his mom says, standing up and standing on the opposite side of the bed. raegan's eyes are on me, just staring.

"i um, i'm going to go call dave." i say as tears swell in my eyes. i get up out of the chair but i feel a hand quickly grip mine. i keep my body turned towards the door. i don't want him to see me crying.

"justin please, i know you're upset. let's talk." he says gently to me. "and uh, who's dave?"

i feel my body become extremely warm as the sadness just fills my whole body. i look back at him and his mom, trying to keep from sobbing. "i can't do this right now." i shake my head. "i'm sorry i'll be back."

i slip away from his grip and leave the room, taking my phone. tears trickle down my cheek as i press fall on dave's contact. it rings for a little, and i cover my mouth with my hand.

"hey justin." i hear and i try to calm myself down. but it doesn't work the slightest.

"dave p-please, i can't do this alone." is the first thing i say which is probably leaving him super confused.

"what are you talking about?" he asks over the other line.

"raegan. he lost his memory, again..." i say and feel my other hand starting to shake. i grip it into a fist. "fucking again! why does this have to happen to him?"

"wait, how did this happen? i'm confused." he says.

"it just did. i'm confused too. can you..can you just get to the hospital please?"

"yeah i'll be there in ten." he says quickly and hangs up. i take a walk to the waiting room, not wanting to go back in that room yet.

i sit in one of the chairs and cover my face with my hands. raegan did nothing to deserve this. he's so loving, caring, and just an amazing guy. no one deserves this, but what's wrong with his damn memory? my own boyfriend is going to keep forgetting i'm his boyfriend!

i finally see dave running inside, by himself. he sees me and come over immediately. i stand up and he lifts his arms to bring me into a big hug. i squeeze his body, just needing someone at the moment. i can't do this alone. i feel the tears come rushing out of me again.

"hey hey it's okay." he rubs my back, pulling away after a minute. i shake my head, wiping the tears away rapidly. "so i'm confused, he just lost his memory again? nothing happened? he didn't hit his head?" he asks quickly, wanting to know what happened.

"last night he kept having this bad feeling like he knew something bad was going to happen. i told him everything would be okay but this morning we woke up and he freaked out, not knowing where he is or who i am. the doctor said this might be a rare disease or something and after his memory is restored, he can just lose it again randomly. i love him dave but knowing that he can't forget me the next day after loving each other so much the day before is terrifying." i say to him and i can see the look on his face, he's not happy. he's just as confused as me but also worried.

"that doesn't seem possible." he says shaking his head.

"i don't know." i shrug. "let's go to his room because he should see you."

"okay." he nods. i start walking to his room and dave follows. when we reach it, i open the door and raegans eyes shift from his mom to us at the door.

"i'll leave you three alone." his mom says giving me a quick grin. dave and i walk over as his mom leaves the room. it's silent for a moment.

"rae this is dave, your best friend." i tell him and he looks to dave.

"hi." rae says quietly. dave sits on the chair next to the bed.

"hi rae. we've been best friends since before middle school." he tells him and rae just nods. he takes a good look at dave.

"i don't remember." he says, pushing his hair back with his hand. "you look a little bit more familiar but i still don't remember."

dave looks at me and frowns. i feel the tears again. this isn't fair! i'm his boyfriend! i'm glad he can recognize his best friend but me! i'm his dam boyfriend!

"raegan i am your boyfriend, how do you not remember me?!" i shout, frustrated. i didn't mean to have this random outburst but this is the worst feeling i've ever felt. "we've been through hell and back, we spend so much time together. we go to parties, we see each other in school, we even have sleepovers!"

i can see the shocked look on both of their faces. i try to relax but it hardly works and i find myself crying again. i cover my face with my hands.

"justin i-i'm sorry. come here, please?" he stutters but i just feel my body rushing with anger.

"no! it's like you don't know me, you don't want to be around a stranger do you?" i say, my voice still loud. dave gets up and comes closer to me.

"jay, you're gonna regret this. relax and just lay with him, it'll make you feel better." he says putting a hand on my shoulder.

"don't tell me to relax when my own boyfriend has zero damn clue who i am. and when his memory comes back, it'll jut disappear into thin air again. everything is just going wrong! nothing can make me feel better! the only thing i fucking regret is getting into that fight with him when he got in the car accident in the first place!" i say shoving dave away from me. i see raegan looking at me with tears in his eyes. i take a deep breath, shocked at myself i just said all of that. my breathing is hitched as i frantically wipe my face for the tenth time today.

"justin." is all raegan says, sounding disappointed. i leave the room without saying anything else and down the hallway. i need to get my mind off of this.

"jay wait up!" i hear behind me along with fast footsteps.

"i don't want to dave." i say as i keep walking. i jump at him coming in front of me and stopping me in my tracks.

"stop! just hold on." he says which gain some stares. "this isn't raegans fault. this isn't your fault, okay? i know you're frustrated but rae needs you right now!"

"that's all i've been hearing recently, 'rae needs you right now' what am i going to do?!" i ask, trying to walk around dave. he stops me.

"you can sit with raegan and talk. he wants to talk to you." he nods, trying to get me to go to raegan.

"i'm sure he doesn't now, i just yelled at him." i say shaking my head. dave pulls me into a hug, rubbing my back gently.

"he does, he told me to come get you." he says and my eyes widen. i nod and pull away.

"okay. fine." i say, calming myself down and maybe actually realizing that raegan does need me. i'm such an idiot.

long chapter hehe enjoy
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