i'm sorry that i fell for you -jaegan-

chapter fourty one - take it slow

justin's p.o.v

i sit shaky on my couch as i, i guess wait for kyle. i wasn't expecting him to come right now. school just started and he's skipping for me.

i left my front door open so it's just the screen door visible. i hear my doorbell ring and i look up. i see kyle standing there and once he sees me, he let's himself in. he comes over to me quickly and wraps his arms around me tightly. i do the same, realizing i really needed a hug right now.

"i'm so sorry." he says as we let go and he sits close to me on the couch.

"it's not your fault." i say as a warm tear rolls down my face. he takes his thumb and wipes it away gently, keeping his hand on my cheek for a moment.

"i know how happy he made you." he says, giving me sad eyes. i just grin a little and nod.

"he really did. but at times like this i wish that i fell for someone a bit more capable of handling a relationship." i say and he looks a bit shocked. "you know how he used to just mess around with every person he saw, i know he misses that."

"he was drunk, justin." he says to me like he's trying to defend him. "i don't think he meant to hurt you."

"but he didn't tell me he was going to that party, he just told me he was going to chill that night. and even worse he lied. the day after he got blackout drunk, he promised me he would never get that drunk again." i explain to kyle and he nods, understanding.

"that's wrong, i know. but i think you should talk to him. he looked like a mess in the hallway today. he loves you." he says to me and i sigh.

"you were in the hallway when that happened?" i ask.

"yeah." he says. "and after i spend the day with you i'm going to have a little talk with dave for hanging up those pictures." he grins. "such a dick."

"he's wanted raegan and i broken up from the first day we got together. and these past two weeks of him not saying anything, he was waiting for this to happen. he knew. it was his party after all, again." i say and i feel him rub my back with his hand carefully.

"of course he did. it's dave. he'll always expects to get what he wants." he shrugs and puts his hand on my shoulder now.

"i really love him kyle." tears swell up in my eyes again as i look into his. "i still do. that feeling isn't going to go away." i quickly put my hands on my eyes and try to calm myself down. "i-i didn't expected this."

"i know." is all he says. "please talk to him though."

"okay. i always give in to that." i laugh a little so i avoid crying my eyes out. "i don't know if i can forgive him though."

"i don't expect you to." he says. i lay back on the couch and he stays close to me. i put my head on his shoulder and we watch television in silence.

hours later, kyle and i have eaten lunch and just continued to watch tv shows. it was nice not being alone actually. i'm glad i had someone to keep me company.

once i realized it's been five minutes after school ended, i got nervous. will rae come here? he always does. he won't leave me alone especially after this.

"you think raegan will come over?" kyle asks me as we sit on the couch. i just nod, waiting for him to show up behind that screen door.

maybe a few minutes later, i finally do. he appears on my doorstep and he looks at me. our eyes meet and i swallow hard.

"can i come in?" he asks and i just stare at him for a moment. then i nod and he steps inside and looks right at kyle after. but then he doesn't seem to care and walks over, looking at me again.

"justin i can't even explain to you how sorry i am. i love you so much, you've made me the happiest boy this past month and i didn't want to just throw that all away. i shouldn't of lied and gone to that party. i regret it all, i really do." he rants quickly, almost out of breath at the end. i sniff my nose, looking at kyle. he looks from me to rae and stands up.

"okay, i'll talk to you later justin." he says smiling at me before walking out. usually rae would give him a dirty look but he didn't even look at him as he walks out of my house.

"come here rae." i say patting the couch. he comes over and sits right next to me. he grabs my hand and rests them on his leg. i look from him, to our hands, back to him.

"you have every right to believe that i miss the way i used to be. but i don't. i haven't thought about anyone else ever since we got together. i take full responsibility for going there and getting drunk again but i had no control of what her and i did." he says, trying to make this situation better. i take a deep breath, feeling like i can't get angry anymore.

"i want to just kiss you and tell you everything is fine and that i forgive you, but we both know i can't do that." i say to him and he looks down at our hands.

"i know." he says and then shakes his head. "that didn't mean anything to me. she doesn't mean anything to me. i don't even remember it and i'm glad because all i want to remember is you and what we do together." he comes a little closer and our eyes are glued together. i smile a little, not even knowing it. god dammit i cant take his words and his adorable face.

"i know you didn't want to. i'm just disappointed that you went to the party and you trusted dave after what he did last time." i tell him. he let's go of my hand and leans over the couch, putting his face in his hands.

"god i'm such an idiot." he mumbles. i just sit there, looking at him. i want to hug him so bad and go back to the way things were. but i can't let this slide.

"raegan i know you love me." i say and he quickly looks up. "and i know you didn't want to hurt me. i didn't mean what i said at the school. i was just angry." i put my hand on his face and rub his cheek with my thumb.

"i don't blame you. i fucked up so bad." he tells me.

"i need some time to think. i think we should just take it slow for now. i can gain your trust again and we can try again. but i have to be positive about you." i say and a smile forms on his face. he lifts his arms and wraps them around me, bringing me towards him and onto his lap. he digs his head in my neck and doesn't move.

"you know i wouldn't be here right now if i meant anything i did at that party. i'm so in love with you." he squeezes my body and i run my fingers through his hair.

"i know." i say. "and i am too."

"i don't deserve you." he says. i pull away from the hug and look into his eyes.

"people make mistakes." is all i say and nod. "we'll get through it."

yes they will..or will they?
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