i'm sorry that i fell for you -jaegan-

chapter twenty - insecure

justin's p.o.v

a good thirty minutes of just cuddling each other listening to the sound of my tv in my room, i think of something.

"can i ask if you can sleep over?" i ask him and he kisses my forehead lightly.

"yeah." he says quietly. i snuggle my head into his chest more and close my eyes. he rubs my bare back by reaching under my shirt and i get goosebumps. i close my eyes. "well?" i hear and open my eyes again.

"what?" i ask lifting my head.

"are you going to go ask?" he asks and laughs at me. i groan.

"i'm so comfortable." i whine and lay my head back down. a few seconds later i feel myself being rolled over. but i'm still clung to him. then i realize he's rolling us both off of the bed. "raegan!" i shout out of fear as we both fall off the bed.

we land on the floor and raegan starts cackling at what just happened. i whine again at him but it's nothing matched to his insane loud and cute laugh.

"frick you." i say getting away from him and standing up. he slowly stops laughing and just lays on the floor.

"i'm just going to stay here while you ask." he says staying on the floor spread out. i shake my head at him smiling as i walk out. i go downstairs to see my dad on the couch.

"dad?" i ask and he looks at me. "can rae sleep over please?" i ask him and he smiles at me a little.

"sure yeah. just keep the volume down please." he says and my face gets red immediately.

"oh my god dad, stop." i say all embarrassed. he laughs at me.

"your mother will be home later." he says and i nod, going back up the stairs still embarrassed. oh my god.

i walk into my room and see raegan is still on the floor looking up at the ceiling. i close the door and he looks up at me.

"hey, you okay?" i ask him and he just nods.

"yeah, just thinking." he says holding himself up by his elbows.

"want to talk about it?" i ask going over and sitting on my bed. he gets up off the floor and sits next to me on my bed. he shakes his head lightly.

"so what did your dad say?" he asks quietly and i smile a little.

"you can." i say and smile back.

"yay." he says wrapping his arms around me and leaning forward which causes me to lean back on my bed. i laugh and mess with his hair a little.

"i'm going to go to the bathroom." i say and he lets go of me.

"okay." he says as i walk out to the bathroom, shutting my door. i walk into the bathroom and do my business.

all of a sudden i start to get really insecure. i keep looking in the mirror and down at myself. i hate not having bottom surgery. it's difficult not being born with that i know i should have.

i guess i must have kept staring and time sort of got away because i hear a knock at the door a few minutes later.

"justin?" i hear outside the door. i quickly pull up my pants and open the door. he's standing right there.

"s-sorry uh.." i lose my train of though and am lost of words at this point.

"everything okay?" he asks, coming in and giving me a quick hug.

"yeah i um..i just hate not having bottom surgery yet." i can feel my eyes fill with heavy tears as i wipe them away quickly. he pouts.

"come here." he takes my hand and guides me back to my bedroom from the bathroom. he shuts the door and i keep my head down.

he comes close to me, taking both his hands and placing them on my cheeks as he lifts my head up to look at me.

"don't cry jay. you will get that surgery one day but for right now, you're perfect the way you are." he grins at me and my cheeks turn bright red and hot.

"i don't feel perfect the way i am now." i admit, taking his hands off my cheeks and walks away from him, going onto my bed and sitting against the wall in the corner. he follows me and sits next to me.

"well you are. everything is okay!" he says trying to cheer me up as much as he can.

"thanks." i fake smile at him and look away, leaning my head against the wall. he comes closer to me and puts his hand on my knee. i look at his hand and then slowly turn my face to look at him. he's staring right at me. then i see his eyes shift from my eyes to my lips multiple times.

i slowly lean in, coming closer and closer to his face by the second. he initiates the first move by pressing his lips against mine gently. our lips start to move more intensely and i put my hand on his cheek. kissing him can literally never get old.

i feel his hand go in between my legs and gently rub my inner thigh. i start to get nervous as he starts breathing in a little heavy. then his hand lands right over my area and i almost start to freak out. he moves up to the rim of my pants and tries to get into them. i know we've done this before but i feel extremely insecure right now.

"rae wait." i panic a little, pulling away from him and he take his hand out quickly. we just stare at each other and i'm sure he can see the fear in my eyes.

"oh my god." he says. "i'm so sorry, i shouldn't have done that after you just finished telling me how you're feeling about your body." he turns away from me but i grab his face lightly.

"it's okay, it's not your fault." i tell him, giving him a hug. "let's relax and go to sleep soon." i say.

"okay." he kisses my head and we lay down, our arms around each other. i don't know what has gotten into me since this whole thing with raegan. i've completely changed. in good ways and bad. who knows what could happen next. i'm attached to this kid.

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