i'm sorry that i fell for you -jaegan-

chapter twenty seven - want

justin's p.o.v

i'm sitting in the couch now on my phone, peacefully. the sound of the television playing in the background. i really wish i had someone with me right now. and now you know who. but i can't think like that. i don't want to see him. but i so do.

my head shoots to the door as i hear a slight knock. i can see through the screen door that RAEGAN is at my front door. what? no no no!

i get up off the couch and walk to the front door. when i look at the door again, our eyes meet and it felt like time froze for a second. i nudge my head, gesturing him to come in. he grins a little and does, walking in. i cross my arms.

"why are you here?" i ask, raising my eyebrow slightly at him. there's no point.

"i can't do this justin." he says. i look at him confused.

"do what? you said what you said and i get it, you don't like me and that all was a mistake." i say to him and he shakes his head.

"no. no no it wasn't a mistake-"

"that's what you said! don't you dare do this to me right now. i don't want you here right now or ever." i cut him off. he steps closer to me and his eyes travel around my face.

"please stop. you don't mean that." he says quietly. i feel my face getting hot, and not in a good way.

"stop acting all gentle with me now and being all nice. i'm done with you. i loved you but you threw me on the ground and fucking stomped on me then walked away. i don't want that." i go off on him and he just stares at me, shocked. "i don't need that raegan." i add, emphasizing the 'need'.

"i made a mistake saying it was your fault and saying all that other stuff because it's not true. i'm sorry, i was just mad." he says.

"there is no reason to be mad! who cares what the school thinks about you rae? you shouldn't, it's high school. everyone's gong to have their opinions." i tell him and i now notice how much he's staring at me.

"i know, i'm so sorry. it's just- i'm scared, jay." he admits, but i don't know what he means. i move closer to him and put my hands on his cheeks gently.

"why are you so scared?" i ask. why am i being so gently all of a sudden?

"i didn't want the school to know.." he says, looking at me now.

"didn't want the school know what?" i ask not knowing what to expect.

"that i love you." he says and i felt a shock go through my body. i take my hands off his face, giving him a doubtful look.

"no you don't." i say backing up a step.

"i love you so much justin. i've loved you for weeks now and that's why i've been so cute with you and that's why i've also been such a douche." he tells me. i keep a deep stare on him and i can't tell if he's serious or not. my whole body feels numb right now.
"please don't move away from me." he adds acknowledging how i took a step back from him.

"you told me yourself you could never date me or love me. and you didn't talk to me for a damn week. why should i believe you of all people love me? i'm me and you have never even liked a single soul." i explain to him.

"i know but it was only because i'm an asshole and i care so much about what people think of me because i have a stupid reputation. i didn't talk to you for a week because i was in my own head and i didn't want to admit it but i can't hide it anymore. i can't ignore it. i felt like shit this whole week without you. i just want to be close to you and not deal with bullshit anymore. you do something to me that i can't explain but it's driving me crazy justin." he comes closer to me again and i let him. he grabs my hands while my heart is going a million miles a second.

"this is not the raegan i've known these past few months." i say still shocked. i don't know what to do. to say.

"i'm so sorry for all of my horrible actions. you're the only person i've ever been around that makes me so genuinely happy no matter what. i love you and it hurts. it hurts knowing what i said to you and how i ignored you for longer than i should of but i know what i want." he says. i lean my head forward, it hitting his chest and i sigh. holy shit. i feel like i'm shaking.

"rae what the hell." i shake my head, and i hear him laugh a little. "don't say it."

he lifts my head up with his hands and takes a deep breathe. he's not going to say it.

"i want you." he says slowly. "no one else."

i don't know why but i feel myself almost start to cry. tears come rushing out of my eyes and down my cheeks. he pouts, lifting me up bridle style bringing me over to the couch. he sits me on his lap and holds my waist. i lean forward against his body.

"don't cry baby boy." he plays with my hair and i dig
my head into his neck.

"you made me think i'd never get to experience another minute with you." i choke out. "and it scared the shit out of me."

"hey look at me." he says and but i probably look like an idiot right now crying. i lift my head and look into his eyes. he lifts his arms and wipes under my eyes with both of his thumbs.

"i love you too." i nod a little and he smiles at me. he leans forward and kisses me passionately, making my stomach explode with butterflies. god this boy.

"i missed that the most." he pulls away and then kisses my cheek. i smile back at him.

"don't fuck this up." i say seriously. "i've already given you enough chances."

"i can't look at anyone else the way i look at you. i won't." he grins and kisses me again. "are you mine?"

i think for a second, looking at him. i can't say no. but at the same time i'm scared. he's difficult. he's so damn difficult and it's not easy. but i love him. and i hope he's serious about loving me considering my answer to that question.

"i'm yours." i nod, wrapping my arms around his neck as his arms completely hug my lower body. maybe all of that pain was worth it.

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