i'm sorry that i fell for you -jaegan-

chapter twenty six - why?

short filler
justin's p.o.v

i sit in the shower that night, crying my eyes out because i know i should have never thought he'd actually feel something for me. he always just messes around with everyone. i'm no different. i, of all people, would not change his mind.

the worst part is that i'm all alone right now. my parents are gone for the week and i basically have no friends. raegan made me feel like i mattered and that i didn't need other people. he was perfect for me. he showed me that life can be amazing sometimes.

but then he destroyed it. he destroyed every hole i have of ever love someone else. trusting someone else. i don't know what to do now.

i get out of the shower and look in the mirror. gross. all i see is just gross. this boy made me so confident, and then burn that while confidence to the ground. the hate i feel yet the love i still feel is the worst feeling i've ever experienced.

i lay in bed, crying some more, and then drifting to sleep as fast as i can. i don't want to see his face anymore. i can't.

i walked outside the next morning at the time raegan would have been getting me, wishing in a small way he'd still come to pick me up for school. no. no i can't think like this. he broke me. he said he can't break me the other day. he did.

i drive to school feeling like total shit. when i arrive i walk in, seeing raegan with his friends a few feet down from where we all walk in. i look at him for a second and he notices, glancing back at me. i turn around quick and walk to my locker. i bet he just told his friends he fucked me a few times and then left. whatever.

i walk into lunch and sit at a table with some other kids i don't really know. i eat peacefully and then go on my phone. i just sit here like a loner with my face buried in my phone. when lunch ended finally, i walk out in the other crowd of people. i feel someone push me from behind and i fall to the ground, my arms keeping me up so i don't bash my face into the ground. i turn around and see raegan and all of his friends. raegan is behind them. everyone stopped and is looking.

"what?!" i snap, trying to pick myself up but one of them just pushes me back down. dave. the one raegan literally punched in the face.

"why do you still like raegan? he punched you." i asked with attitude. he laughs.

"why are you still talking about the boy who left you when the whole school knows you felt something for him?" he asks and i see rae looking down, not looking at anyone or anything. what an asshole.

i stand up quickly and walk away, cussing them in my head. this better not be a daily thing. everything is over now. i don't need this.

-time skip to friday-

all week, the same small eye contact with raegan. we didn't talk once, but at some points it seemed like he wanted to just spit out words. but he kept his mouth shit. his friends stopped tormenting me but they'll laugh at me whenever they see me in the hallway and get the chance.

i still have that same feeling for him and i hate it. i still love this boy to death and i wish i never even liked him. i wish i never got involved. he even said it himself, it was all a mistake. and i'm still torn that he thinks that. he acted like he felt the same way. i don't know how he functions.

to my surprise though, he hasn't been with any girl or guy in school romantically. i haven't seen him kiss anyone or even hug. he's just been looking at me and i don't know why. it's no big deal, i never want to talk to him again.

it's friday afternoon now and i'm heading home from school. it's been a long week but i'm happy it's over. my parents come home sunday so i basically have a weekend to myself. a lonely weekend by myself.

short and stupid ik but just wait heheheh
you're not ready
comment and vote 🤩 -sammi