i'm sorry that i fell for you -jaegan-

chapter fourty eight - ill try

justin's p.o.v

i stay in the bathroom for a while, not able to stop crying. i lied. this is the worst thing that can ever happen in a relationship. we were going to work on our relationship after he cheated but now, i don't know what to do.

"justin?" the bathroom door opens and i see dave walking in. "are you okay?" he asks when he sees how much of a mess i am. i shake my head, biting my lip.

"it's not fair." i tell him and nods slowly, knowing what i mean. "it doesn't make sense. why didn't i just trust him? why did i let him leave my house?" i ask questions over and over, blaming myself.

"stop blaming yourself." he comes closer to me and lifting his arms. i wrap my arms around his neck, clinging to him. i never thought i'd be hugging dave but i cant handle this. he's going through the same thing.

"i don't want to do this. it's like i'm meeting him all over again." i squeeze his shirt into fists with my hands, feeling like everything is crashing down on me.

"hey hey." he pulls away and looks at me. "at least he's here, he's okay." he tries to calm me down. i nod, trying to calm down as much as possible. he's right. "me and the boys already told him who we were. let's go back so you can talk to him."

"okay." i choke out, following him out of the bathroom and go raegans room. dave walks me in and i see rae talking to his parents.

"hey." dave says to catch their attention. when his parents look at me, they pout. his mom comes over to me and hugs me.

"we'll leave you two alone, okay?" she asks and i nod my head.

"thank you." i tell tell her and she smiles a little. i can see raegan staring me from there.

"are you okay?" he asks me and we all look at him. dave gives me a reassuring smile before walking out of the room with rae's parents. "why are you crying?" he asks confused.

i walk over to him slowly and sit in the chair next to him. he hasn't taken his eyes off of me.

"do you really not remember me?" i ask, wiping my eyes.

"my mom told me what happened to me. i don't, i'm sorry." he shakes his head and i feel my heart break.

"it's not your fault." i tell him. i try to collect myself so i don't make him feel bad or scare him. "i'm justin."

"justin." he repeats. i nod quickly.

"i'm your..boyfriend." i hesitate, curious of what he's going to say.

"boyfriend? so i'm gay?" he asks sweetly.

"you're bisexual. so you like both boys and girls." i tell him. he nods slowly so i know he's following me.

"how long have we been together?" he asks curiously.

"about a month." i say. i don't want to mention how he cheated right now. this isn't a good time.

"okay." he nods the more i look at him, the more i just want to hug and kiss him. this is so hard.

i turn away for a second, wiping my face once again because i feel the tears rush back. i need to stop crying but i hate this. he doesn't know who i am at all.

"please don't cry." i hear him say and i shake my head, looking back over at him.

"i'm sorry. we've just been through so much and the last thing i wanted was for you to forget everything we had." i tell him honestly and he looks like he feels bad. i shouldn't of said that.

"i'm sorry justin." he says quietly.

"no no you don't have to be sorry." i tell him. "i just, i love you so much raegan."

he waits a moment after i say that and it looks like he's thinking.

"do i love you?" he asks me and i take a deep breath, nodding my head.

"yeah, you do. you are the reason why we got together." i smile a little and he smiles back. i have both of my hands on the side of his bed as i'm talking to him and i feel him grab one. we intertwine our fingers and i start to feel a little better.

"i love you too justin." he says and i know he's saying that because he does love me, but he doesn't remember why.

"ya know i hate to bring this up but the last thing we did was fight. yesterday." i tell him and he tilts his head a little.

"why?" he asks.

"i was being stupid and i didn't trust you. that's when you left and you got in that accident." i say and notice that every time i talk to him, he's looking at me so deeply. he's so focused.

"oh." is all he says at first. "you don't blame yourself, do you?" he asks.

"i do." i tell him. "i shouldn't of freaked out at you. i shouldn't of let you leave." i shake my head.

"all couples fight, don't they?" he asks. "this wasn't your fault justin. i'll try to remember but i'm going to need your help. and dave's and..what are the other two boys names? i forgot." he says.

"shane and caleb." i tell him.

"thank you. you all can help me and i'm sure it'll do something." he says in a reassuring voice. i nod, sighing heavily. he squeezes my hand and smiles at me.

"okay, yeah." i nod.

"can i have a hug?" he asks shyly and my eyes light up.

"yeah of course." i stand up off the chair and lean over, wrapping my arms around his neck gently and feeling his arms around my waist. we don't move for a few seconds.

"wanna lay down with me?" he asks next and i can tell he's trying. this is why i love him. i nod at him and he carefully moves over, giving me some room. i try not to get tangled in the few wires surrounding him as i climb in the bed next to him.

"thank you for trying." i say as he wraps his arm around my shoulders i lean my head on his shoulder. i also wrap my arms around his waist carefully, feeling incredibly comfortable.

"why wouldn't i? i want to remember." he says and i nod, loving this feeling. this feeling of being close to him. feeling safe. i just wish i could kiss him.

but it's still raegan. it's still the boy i've always loved and the boy who loves me. he just needs to remember how much he loves me. i know he did very much, he just needs a push.

aww this is sad, i miss rae already :(
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