i'm sorry that i fell for you -jaegan-

chapter sixteen - it's love.

justin's p.o.v

that night raegan didn't try to come over and talk to me and i was shocked until i thought about it again. he really doesn't care. he left me for nothing. i only have one friend in school, and he barely talks to me anymore. now i'm alone, again.

it's the next day now and i'm walking into school. this is always the worst part because i manage to see raegan every time. and i don't want to. at all.

i walked to my locker very quickly and got what i had to get, quickly closing it. when i turn around, in a huge rush, my body collides with someone. i look up quickly and see raegan right in front of me.

"no." i shake my head. "don't even speak. i don't want to talk to you anymore. ever." i adjust my backpack on my back awkwardly and walk away.

"no wait-" he grabs my arm gently, pulling me back close to him. our faces end up coming very close together and i just look in his eyes, disappointed. but i'm sure he can see the love i feel for him.

"i'm not waiting anymore raegan." i back away, getting out of the, again, gently grip he had on my arm. the bell rings but he won't let me leave.

"please let me talk to you!" he begs me and i start to get frustrated.

"no." i shake my head again. "remember when you wanted to talk to me the other day and you said if i wanted you to leave and never come back? well that's what i want now." i tell him. he comes close to me and grabs my hand anyway.

"hey i'm so sorry i left yesterday with her. i know how you feel about me and i would never do that to be an asshole. i don't like her-"

"yeah but you still had sex with her correct?" i ask and doesn't say anything. i nod, knowing i am correct. "so that's your excuse for ditching me? you knew i wouldn't want to do that with you so you got someone else?" i ask another question and he shakes his head quickly.

"no no i wouldn't do that to you." he says immediately after my question.

"then what was it?" i ask and his eyes go wide. he struggles.

"i just sort of forgot." he shrugs and looks down. well, that hurt.

"i cannot believe i'm missing first period for this." i turn around and just start to walk away.

"can i come over after school?" he asks. why is he still trying?!

"what's the point? you keep messing up rae." i say straight out to him. he sighs.

"i know but please jay." he says and i'm so mad at myself. i can't say no. i want to still be around him. i want to hear his voice. i want to see his face.

"okay." i say quietly and keep walking. first period-tardy.

the end of the day rolled around quick and before i knew it i was already on my way home. i parked my car and quickly went inside, keeping my front door open.

a few minutes later of sitting on the couch, he knocks and then comes in. he shuts the door and sees me on the couch. i criss cross my legs and just watch as he sits next to me. closer than expected.

"i've been making some horrible decisions when it comes to you, but i am not a douche like my friends at school. i'm not fucking with you right now or just trying to get in your pants. i like hanging out with you. it feels right in a way." he explains as we can't take our eyes off of each other's.

"really? then how can you have possibly forgotten about me yesterday?" i ask, crossing my arms as well.

"i don't know." he breaks our eye contact and looks down, playing with his fingers. "i've just never dealt with this. no one who i've fooled around with has ever really liked me." he shrugs.

"oh." is all i say. "it's just exhausting getting mad at you one second and then the next second wanting you next to me already." i admit. he looks up and his face is full of shock.

"i want us to be friends." he says. "i'll try not to mess up anymore."

"that's risky rae. you've made me go through enough tears and you've made me so soft." i say. i keep glancing at his lips, wanting them on mine so bad.

"i care so much about you." he gets closer to me, putting his hand on my cheek. "like i've said, you're different. and i don't deserve this many chances but please justin. i don't want to lose you." he tells me and i can feel my face heat up. how does he do this to me so easily?

i fight the urge to connect my lips with his but it doesn't work. not one bit. i lean forward and our lips touch in a long, desperate kiss. i climb onto his lap and his hands go directly to my hips. my fingers tangle in his hair, pulling at it a bit. loving the feeling of kissing him. i just need this. it's so toxic but i really do need it.

this feeling is like no other. the butterflies in my stomach right now are over a million. my face is definitely all red from blushing too hard. his lips are so soft. his hands know exactly where to go. in general, he knows what to do and he does it perfectly. i want him. its love. i love him. i love you.

"i love you." i say quietly as our lips unconnected for the short amount of time that they do and i practically almost freaked the fuck out. i cover my mouth with my hand. i did not just say that out loud. no!

he stops immediately and looks into my eyes. "what?" he asks confused, taking his hands off my hips.

"nothing. i-i-" my eyes fill with tears fast as i get off of his lap quick and run to the staircase. he's too quick to grab my arm and stop me from running away from this situation.

"justin-"

"no!" i yell, trying to yank my arm away it doesn't work. "let me go!"

"jay hold on, calm down please." he begs.

"no no i can't. i really just said that out loud." i can't believe it as i start to cry a little to him. once he sees that, he lets go of my arm quickly and i just sit down on the last stairs, then hitting the floor. tears flood my eyes and face even more then before.

"hey don't cry. i'm right here, it's okay." he sits on the floor with me and wraps his arms around me. i hide my face in his shirt, squeezing his shirt in fists with my hands.

i can't believe this. i'm going to be the laughing stock in school. my life is over. no one has ever loved raegan beast. no one has ever wanted to. i don't want to but i do. i can't have him.

"it's okay, you're okay." he tries his best to calm me down but my breathing is still heavy and the tears won't stop.

"don't let go rae." i feel myself shaking as i cling to his body and try to breath normal again.

i havent experienced this since i was little. i used to have crazy anxiety attacks and freak out. just like this, i don't know why it's happening but it's so scary.

"i'm here, i got you." he makes sure he's as close to me as possible as everything starts to slow down. my breathing comes back to normal and i stop crying. what just happened? i freaked out over that? that's so bad. this is so bad.

i lift my head to look up at him and he notices. he looks back at me, rubbing my back gently.

"it's okay, i promise." he kisses my forehead and we just stay there, not moving. i don't think i could move right now if i tried. i feel paralyzed. i think he feels it too.

i'm a very dramatic writing, i don't know why. i know that was intense for a stupid reason but it gets your heart beating, does it not?
hahaha comment and vote plzzz