i'm sorry that i fell for you -jaegan-

chapter fourteen - trust

justin's p.o.v

i begged, and i mean begged my dad to let me stay home from school the next day. i need a break. i've gotten involved with too much shit. and luckily, he said i could. but this would not be happening a lot. which i totally understand.

he's at work right now and i'm just chillin in my sitting room, watching television. also on my phone  because duh. and that's just when i get a text from you know who. asking "hey, are you okay?". is he serious? i'm not answering that what so ever.

the day was boring, it dragged and i was super bored. but anything is better than having to deal with him right now. it's too much.

the time now is the time school gets out. i'm scared rae is going to come here. i really don't want to see him. i don't want to see perfect face. or his gorgeous voice. ugh i can't!

i sit on my couch, making myself anxious by thinking about it. i know him by now. he'll try to come here. and talk to me. nooo please no.

you'll never guess! my damn doorbell rings five minutes later. why does he care? why is he still trying?!

i walk to the door and look out the peep hole. i see him standing there, hands in his pockets and looking down at his feet. i open the door a little and his head shoots up.

"please leave me alone." i beg him. he shakes his head.

"i can't." he says, sounding upset.

"why? cause your friends told you to come here?" i ask, just my head peaking out of the door.

"no no. can you just hear me out? please justin." he asks and i feel like i can't say no to him. no justin, you need to. i need to!

"no." i shake my head. "this is too much for me. you need to leave." i try to shut the door-

"wait wait jay." he puts his hands on the door and stops me from shutting it. he takes a deep breath. "just let me talk. please i'm begging you."

"raegan i-"

"if you never want to hear from me again after this then i'll leave. and i'll never bother you again." he cuts me off and i sigh to myself. i can't win.

"alright." i open the door and he steps in, shutting the door behind him. i'm startled by him giving me a big hug, wrapping his muscular arms around me suddenly.

"i missed you today." i hear him sniff his nose. i don't say anything, and i barely hug back. i just want to get this over with.

"come on." i jerk my head to the couch and we go and sit down. he sort of looks like a mess. not like his usual self, i wonder what it is. "i'm waiting." i shrug, looking at him.

"i'm a total idiot." he starts off and i can't help but barge him.

"yeah." i nod. "you are." he looks away from me as i say that.

"my friends and i are assholes. i should of never agreed to that but jay, just because i did doesn't mean everything is the same. i-i care about you and i don't want to lose you. you're more of a friend to me than the ones from school. they don't give a shit about me. they're just living the high school experience." he explains, and by the end he's looking me dead in the eyes. and i can't look away from him.

"why does any of this matter anymore? you can easily just leave me alone and tell your friends you broke my heart. so what?" i shrug. "i'm done caring about what other people think of me and being treated the opposite of how i treat others." i continue and he knows i'm talking about him. he comes closer to me and puts his hand on my thigh.

"please jay. i know i seem like the opposite person you've always known but i like being your friend. i love it actually. i don't want to drift apart and lose you. it's so fun being around you. and not in a sexual way at all." he says and he sounds genuine, i just don't know if i can trust him yet. my school if filled with fake ass people. and he takes after sometimes.

"alright listen." i take in what he says and know my exact words. "i need to be able to trust you one hundred percent. so prove that to me." i tell him and he nods.

"okay yeah." he smiles at me and i smile back, my eyes tearing up a little bit. i don't want to just be his friend. but being totally honest i can't lose him either. i need him as anything. i just hope he actually cares and can have a real friend. i don't want my feelings to grow anymore, however. that's what i'm terrified now.

"please don't fail me. i can't let you go." i touch his face with my hand and realize how bad i want to kiss him right now. he shakes his head lightly.

"i won't." he kisses my cheek gently and stays close to me. i always want him close to me. i think he knows that i don't want us hooking up anymore. but would it be so bad to kiss him right now? absolutely.

but guess what. i do it anyway.

i tilt my head a little and connect our lips in a small, gentle kiss. he kisses back, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me even closer to him. this kiss would be even more complete if it meant anything to him. it does to me, but it shouldn't because it doesn't mean anything to me.

we disconnect our lips but keep our faces close together. we keep our eyes locked together. i never want to look away. i never want to look at anyone else. why can't he just be different? he changed me. why couldn't i change him..?

hit or miss, i guess they never miss hUh 😝
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can u believe i'm still writing jaegan stories? yeah me either