i'm sorry that i fell for you -jaegan-

chapter twenty one - bad person

justin's p.o.v

my eyes open and i'm almost blinded by the bright sunlight coming in through my window. then i look to the side and see raegans arm securely around my waist as little snores comes from him. i put my head back down, putting my hand on his arm around my waist. i want him to hold me forever

knock knock

"come in." i say not too loud and my dad walks in my room, smiling at me.

"breakfast is done soon." he says. "whenever you're ready."

"okay, thank you." i say and smile back. he looks at us cuddling for another second before he leaves, shutting the door. then i start to think.

does raegan really like me? would he ever date me? would he ever want to be my boyfriends. he's sort of changed but not totally to where i'm confident in him dating me. or maybe he will? i don't know but i hope he's thinking to himself that he would maybe considering dating me. i mean the way he's been acting around me is way different, in a good way. how could he not want to date me? i want him to be mine.

"hey." i hear quietly next to me and i turn to see rae's eyes open slightly. i smile, kissing his cheek.

"hi, how did you sleep?" i ask him. he holds on tighter to me.

"wonderful." he says and with the sudden squeeze of my body from him tells me why he slept so good.

"good, me too." i say back. "my dad made breakfast. you want to go downstairs?" i ask and he nods slightly. we both get up, making sure we look some what presentable and go downstairs.

we both sit at the kitchen table, a plate of eggs and bacon in front of both of us.

"thank you mr. blake." raegan says to my dad. what a gentlemen oh my lord. we start eating slowly.

"oh please, call me david. and any time. anything for justin's future boyfriend i'm guessing." he hints at something i never wanted to hear leave his mouth but it is true. i'm assuming raegan would want to be my future boyfriend?

"o-oh." he says awkward. "i don't really know about that." i hear and my heart drops. totally drops to where i felt like i was going to vomit all over the table.

"i don't know, you two have been spending a lot of time together and when you are together, you're very close to each other." he says sitting down at the table with us. i had one spoon full of eggs and now im losing my appetite.

"well yeah but.." he drops, scratching the back of his head. i cut him off.

"dad please." i give him a look and he nods, putting his head down. i continue eating my food but rae just sits there.

"i-i'm sorry justin, were you planning on like, you know..being my boyfriend?" he asks, continuing this horrible conversation.

"i-i don't know." i shrug. "maybe." i say honestly, putting my fork down getting nervous now. i don't want him to say anything that will ruin this. what we have right now. how it's been.

"woah i never really thought about that. i-i told you i don't date." he says which i cant believe he's saying in front of my father right now. how can he say that? after everything? his actions these past few days?

i push my plate away, standing up and walking out of the kitchen in anger and disappointment. after everything? last night? these days being together constantly. what the hell!

"jay hold on-" i hear behind me before i reach the stairs, i turn around, ready to explode on him.

"i cannot believe you." i say, my eyes swelling with tears. "you have the nerve to try and hang out with me every single day, cuddling and kissing me. then telling me you actually like me, sleeping over my house. kissing me more, doing even more shit!" i shout at him, pausing for a second. "especially after i tell you i fucking love you, you tell me you like me and you haven't thought once about dating me. about being my boyfriend at all?" i ask, almost flipping out on him.

"it's not that easy." he shrugs at me. i shake my head whipping my face with my shirt. "i honestly haven't." he spits out, running his fingers through his hair.

"how am i so damn stupid!?" i shout. "i get attached to someone for the first time and i expect too much." i go on and on, not wanting to stop yelling at him.

"i feel like i do like you in some way, but not enough to actually date you. i can't do that. i'll ruin everything. i've almost never dated anyone." he says, looking down slightly. "it's always just been messing around and nothing else." he says which i already knew but i hate hearing it again.

"the way you carried me yesterday up to my room. the way you kiss me randomly and the way they are so gentle and sweet. the way you were holding my body so tight when i woke up this morning. you can't give up your past for all that? for me? there's not a strong enough feeling?" i say frustrated and he talks right away.

"i know i'd screw up. i'm used to going around to everyone not having to give a shit. what we have now is good. it's fine the way it is." he explains but i shake my head.

"the way we've been acting towards each other has been good. but i am not a person to hang with you everyday and kiss you just to only end up being friends. you've changed me but i clearly have done almost nothing to you." i say, more angry than i've ever been at him because i did not expect this. maybe i am expecting too much but i can't do that. i can't be friends forever.

"jay i can't lose you and i'm telling you right now id end up cheating or something." he says still containing himself and my eyes go wide in shock.

"well than you know what rae.." i pause, taking a few steps up my stairs. i hesitate before saying this. "you just seem to me like a bad person." i say not shouting anymore but i'm loud enough so he can hear me.

he stares at me, clearly not processing what i just said to him in all. then he breaks eye contact with me and turns around, walking out of my house. i turn around as well, stomping up the stairs and slamming my door to my room once i'm in. my dad heard that and everything. he knows how high school is, but i don't want to talk to him about this.

but what am i going to do now?

good question justin. it's getting heated
vote please and comment if you like this story hehe 😘