i'm sorry that i fell for you -jaegan-

chapter twenty three - going to go

justin's p.o.v

we stay in a tight hug for a while, not letting go one bit. after a few minutes, i pull away only a little so i can lift my head up.

"i didn't mean what i said." i shake my head. "i'm just selfish." i push my head into his chest and sigh.

"no." he says taking my face into his hands gently making me look at him again. "you're right. i'm an idiot and i am a bad person. especially to you most of the time." he sounds disappointed at he talks. but it's not true.

"are you kidding?" i chuckle a little. "you care about me so much, you just know what you want ahead of time. and i couldn't accept that. i'm totally selfish and i only want you to be with me." i shrug, knowing what else to say.

"i can't give you everything you deserve. i can barely give you anything." he says sweetly but still sounding almost broken.

"but you can." i say taking his hands off my face. i wrap my arms around his neck, almost standing on my toes. "i now definitely know that you care about me a lot and you will do anything for me." i say.

"no no." he shakes his head. "i won't be good being with one person. i'll fuck it up. i'll lose you." i'm shocked when i see a tear come down his face gently.

"raegan." i say gently rubbing his cheek.

"i want to give you everything and i want to be there for you always and make you happy. but i am not the right boy for you. you can't trust me like that." he shakes his head again, bringing his hands up to his eyes. i just hug him again, staying close to him. his arms wrap around me tightly. 

"then i guess we'll just stay friends, right?" i ask pulling away from him. he doesn't answer, he just stares at me. the sadness in his eyes makes me sad.

"i don't know, yeah." he shrugs. "i'm confused. my head hurts." he says, rubbing the side of his head gently.

"i'm going to go for now." i say suddenly. he grips my waist and squeezes tightly.

"no no stay." he shakes his head. i can't right now.

"i don't think i should." tears flood my eyes but i turn away from him. "i'll see you tomorrow at school."

"jay wait what's wrong?" he says grabbing my hand quickly which stops me.

"everything." i say. "i don't know if i can be just your friend." i admit.

"but you just said it-"

"because there's nothing else we can be with the way you are and how you think of yourself. like god rae i don't want to be cheated on but do you think that low of yourself?" i explain, expecting an answer from my question. i'm finally looking at him now.

"yes." he nods right away. "that seems so sad but yes i do think low of myself. i can't break you." those words 'i can't break you' make my stomach turn.

"you wouldn't think that if you cared about me as much as i think you do." i say yanking my hand away from him. "i'll see you later."

"i do care about you!" he says loudly but i just keep walking to the door.

"bye rae." i say quietly, putting my hand on the doorknob. "i appreciate you sticking up for me with your friends but...i don't know if i can just be your friend." and with that, i walk out of the house. i walk to my car and get in. i sigh, sitting there for a minute. i say we're gonna be friends one minute and  then i tell him i don't think i can be just his friend. what do i do?

maybe thirty seconds later, i see raegan quickly run out of the house and to my car. my heart starts jumping out of my chest as he runs over to the drivers side and opens the door. he grabs my hand and pulls me out carefully but quickly. once i'm out, standing right in front of him, he grabs my face and touches our lips together in a passionate kiss. i melt to his touch and put my hands on his arms. this is a moment i'll forever remember just of the way it happened. no words. just actions. my body feels like an oven at the moment.

he pulls away gently and keeps his eyes closed for a second. as he opens his eyes, his and mine meet in a confused yet lovable gaze. we don't know what it's come to at this point.

"i'll let you leave, but please remember that i feel something with you and it might keep growing. you got to trust me on this one baby boy and text me as soon as you get home, okay?" he asks and i feel my face become more red at the nickname he called me. but besides that i just nod, almost frozen in this moment.

"okay." he smiles, almost answering my nod that i gave him. he walks away, going back into his house and i just get back into my car. i watch carefully as he gets in the house and looks back at me. i start the car quickly and drive off, us making eye contact again before i completely drive off.

i arrive home, walking into my house and hearing my parents at the dinner table. i walk to the kitchen and they see me.

"hey justin! how's everything?" my dad asks.

"good. yeah, i think it's good." i nod semi confidently and smile.

"good i'm glad. hungry now?" my mom asks.

"yes please." i say going to get some food and sit at the table with them. then i notice them glaring at me.

"son, your mother and i took a job vacation this week together. it'll be for the whole week. are you okay here by yourself?" my dad speaks and i'm shocked, but i think i'll be fine.

"yeah i'll be fine. i'll probably hang out with raegan a lot anyway." i answer back and they both smile at each other. this will be an interesting week.

can you believe i still get so excited writing these?! lmaoo 🤪
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