The Regret:The Sequel: Lies, Lust and Betrayal

~Chapter Seventy Seven~

Hello my lovelies! As you might not know, I had a severe mental crisis last Sunday that lead me to being in the hospital for three days. I'm still new to opening up about my mental health especially to the public. It still amazes me how people can take out their own personal anger on an innocent person. But in the end I wished that person a to have a good day because that person might be going through something as well. Just by this person's actions, she triggered me. Mental illness is not an easy thing to cope with and with recent suicides of Sulli and Goo Hara and even Jonghyun, I felt that I was on the same path as them. The Saturday before, I felt so alone and left behind seeing so many people my age, 27, either getting married, getting a new and better job, apartment, house, car, getting engaged or getting into a relationship. There was a demon inside me that told me "There's no point in living. You'll never get to have those things. You don't even deserve the trip to Korea you're going to next summer with your friends because no matter what, those goals will never come true" I did what I had to do to get the treatment I needed and I feel much better about myself now. Still doesn't mean that my battle with my demons are over. Depression is not something we can toss under the bed and hope that it never comes out. It's a monster that like to sneak it's way out and haunt you. I know my lifelong goals will come true and that it does take time. Everyone's timelines are different and we cant' compare ourselves with one another. We can all conquer our demons. We can't let them win. I thank you all for the encouraging comments and compliments. You all have amazing talents that should be shared with the world! I wish you all a safe and Happy Thanksgiving! Sarangheyo!

Its has been two months since I've reconciled with Taehyung and finally hearing Jisu's parent's truth about their daughter and how they truly felt about Taehyung. We were all informed that Taehyung would have to stay for a couple of months for his protection and to avoid causing anymore conflicts that the media could use to stir up the scandal. After his stay he would have to stay at another rehabilitation center to further his recovery for another couple of months. I decided not to press charges on Taehyung for the assault he inflicted on me months ago and felt that I got the closure I needed and forgave him. In order to protect the group and the company, Big Hit had announced to the fans that the rest of the world tour would be cancelled while the company adjusts to Taehyung's departure. Taehyung's recovery and the conflict regarding our marriage has been kept hidden from the news. Jisu's parents had revealed to the public about their daughters wrong doings from the past and felt that her daughter deserved all the consequences she needed to face and that there was no way Jisu could buy herself out of the scandal she had caused. Her lover, and the former JYJ employee were faced 20-45 years in prison for prostitution, theft, and illegal pornography. Jisu on the other hand, was kicked out of the group, sentenced to 25-30 years from prostitution, defamation of character, theft, and for participating in illegal pornography.

Since then more fans have started to give all of their support to not only BTS but for Hosoek and I. Due to the amount of stress I've been put through, my job had suggested I go on a maternity leave for the well being of the baby and myself. There were still a decent amount of angry fans that opposed our marriage but the amount of support from loving and caring fans over shadowed them. Things were slowly started to set into place and I was slowly started to feel more of myself again. Color was starting to come back to my skin, I was moving around a bit more, and felt much safer being in our home again. My belly was growing and has now become the size of a medium size watermelon. I even felt a small kick for the first time. The excitement on Hobi's face when he put his face against my belly and felt a kick made me smile the biggest smile I haven't had in such a long time. 

I lay in bed smiling and looking at the sonogram pics of our growing baby as I rubbed my belly. It was a cool fall evening and I had just finished making a list on preparations for the baby shower in a couple of months. We decided that at the birth of our baby, we would find out if it's a girl or a boy. We changed our minds doing a gender reveal for the baby shower. Hoseok was downstairs putting up decorations for Korean Chusoeok throughout the house. He finally came upstairs, wearing a festive orange and brown sweater, and comfy black sweats, and plopped himself on the bed from exhaustion.