Spiderman Oneshots (Completed)

You Webbed Up My Heart

Harley was about to enter the common room, when he saw Miles standing next to the door. Just...listening.

"Whatcha doing there bud?" Harley asked Miles, who jumped as if he hadn't seen him.

"I don't know what Shuri is doing to Peter in there and I'm trying to see if I can guess by just listening." Miles responded blankly, going back to what he was doing.

Harley stared at him for a bit before thinking 'what the hell?' and joining in.

He stood on the other side of the door, and began listening.

"Oh Spidey baby, yes! Right there!"

"Oh my God. Oh my god stop before I have an aneurysm holy fucking shit--"

"Weird, right?" Miles asked Harley, who nodded. "At first I thought they were banging and then I remembered that Peter would never cheat on MJ."

"He doesn't sound too happy with what's going on either." Harley noted, causing Miles to nod. "Also, why is she calling him 'Spidey'?"

"And then, Spidey inserted his--"

"I'M GOING TO FUCKING LOSE IT SHURI I SWEAR TO GOD"

"I kinda want to go in." Harley mumbled. "The curiosity is eating at me." Miles nodded in agreement.

"On three." Miles asked. "One."

"Two." Harley mumbled.

"Three!" They both exclaimed, bursting into the room.

All they found was Shuri and Peter sitting on the couch. Shuri was scrolling through something on her phone, and Peter was holding two pillows over his ears. "Oh! Hello friends!" Shuri waved at them.

"What's going on?" Harley asked immediately. Shuri smirked while Peter groaned.

"I'm so glad you asked." Shuri chuckled.

"I'm not. I'm really not." Peter grumbled, pressing the pillows harder.

"How can you still hear us?" Harley asked.

"Ask my advanced hearing, dumbass." Peter snarked. Okay, someone wasn't in a good mood.

"So apparently Spiderman has a whole fandom around him." Shuri giggled, amusement glistening in her liquid brown eyes. "So I checked out this fandom, because I want to see what the people who obsess over Pete are like?"

"Reasonable." Harley nodded.

"I feel like I should be offended in some way." Peter mumbled.

"And I found these fanfictions!" Shuri exclaimed happily, turning her phone so the boys could see it.

"You Webbed Up My Heart: A Spiderman X Reader fanfiction." Miles mumbled, reading the title.

"They didn't even add the hyphen to my name!" Peter huffed. (Yes that's right I know I've also not been using the hyphen but I'm too far in now)

"What are the tags?" MJ asked, popping out of nowhere. 

"Uh, Lemon, Porn Without Plot, Fingering, Anal, Blowjob, Vaginal Fisting, Dirty Talk--" Shuri went on.

"Stop!" Peter shrieked. "What the hell?! There are other people in this tower, Shuri! They'll hear you!"

"Since when has that been a problem?" Shuri rolled her eyes. "So, you guys wanna read it with me?"

"Nothing would bring me more pleasure." Harley mumbled, plopping on the couch next to Shuri.

Shuri cleared her throat, before speaking in her deepest voice. "You thought it would be a normal day. You woke up, ate breakfast, then went to the bank."

"Ah, looks like this will be a normal day! Let me just wake up, eat breakfast, and go to the bank! In that order!" Miles exclaimed.

"You did the deed at the bank--"

"What the actual fuck does that mean?" Harley asked. Shuri shrugged, continuing.

"--when suddenly these men in masks came in. 'This is a robbery! Put your hands up!' They exclaimed."

"Unrealistic. They usually say 'get on the ground'. Amateur." Peter scoffed.

"You felt your blood run cold--"

"What does that even mean? How do you feel your blood running cold?" Miles asked. "I have not been in enough terror to experience this, apparently." Miles shrugged.

"--as you put your hands in the air. Suddenly, a flash of red and blue came crashing through the window!"

"I'm sorry, through the window?" Peter asked. "That's totally how I role, 'an armed robbery? You know what that means!'" Peter scoffed.

"Hey! You don't know for a fact it's you! It could be Captain America!" Harley exclaimed.

"'Spiderman?!' You exclaimed." Shuri continued.

"Okay, so it wasn't Captain America."

"Spiderman laughed. 'That's right, sweet cheeks. Your savior is here.' Spidey smirked." Shuri snickered.

"hA! 'SWEET CHEEKS'?! CLOWN!" Miles guffawed. Peter sputtered.

"WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE I ACTUALLY SAID THAT--"

"You felt a blush rise on your cheeks, making you swoon. He quickly defeated the robbers, and came to talk to you." Shuri read.

"Really loving how quickly the robbery was dismissed." Miles nodded.

"'Hey, dollface.' Spidey said, his deep, masculine voice sending shivers down your spine." Shuri choked.

"Deep? Masculine? Have they heard your voice?" Harley asked.

"You sound like a twelve year old tomboy." Miles shrugged.

"Have you even hit puberty yet?" MJ asked.

"I wasn't asking to be DRAGGED TODAY--"

"'Why don't you come to my place later so we can hang out?' Spidey asked. 'I'll even show you my...secret identity.'"

"I would very much like to learn his secret identity." Harley mumbled.

"You agreed, and before you knew it you were at his house. It was a giant mansion, probably worth $6,000,000."

"Ha. This tower is worth more than that. Suck on it."

"A man opened the door, and somehow you knew it was him. He had crystal blue eyes and beautiful blonde hair."

"I--how is that so wrong--"

"'Welcome to my abode, hottie.' Spidey winked. 'While we're here, you can call me Grant.'"

"GRANT! FUCKING GRANT!" Harley laughed harder than he had ever laughed before.

"You walked inside, and he immediately pressed you against the wall. He kissed you passionately."

"I love how you met this person that afternoon." MJ commented. "Also, I'm uncomfortable."

"You quickly unbuttoned your shirt. He took off his pants and boxers before inserting his coc--"

"nO!" Peter screeched, trying to wrestle the phone out of her hands.

Tony, who had been watching the entire time, took a sip of his coffee.

A/N:

I somehow wrote an entire chapter of this.

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