Spiderman Oneshots (Completed)

Giraffe Tits

"Okay, but sex with animals could be pretty hot." Miles began suddenly, breaking the peaceful silence they were all sitting in.

"Literally why?" Shuri asked.

"No no, let him continue. I think he's onto something." Harley nodded.

"We're all virgins and it shows." Peter mumbled.

"Like, imagine. Slowly penetrating the smooth ass of a cow. Listening to that sensual moo." Miles went on.

"I am uncomfortable." Shuri sighed.

"Wouldn't you contract Cow STDS?" Peter asked.

"We're not doing this again." Shuri pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Okay, uh, how about a giraffe?" Harley offered.

"I bet a giraffe is AMAZING in bed." Miles said. "Think about how much neck there is to choke--"

"Do I wanna know?" Tony asked, walking into the room.

"Do giraffes have tits?" Miles asked suddenly.

"I do not." Tony walked out.

"I'm sorry?" Peter began. "Did Miles just ask if giraffes have tits?"

"Cause like, that's kinda hot." Miles continued. "They'd have to be pretty big to be proportional to the neck."

"Are you hard?" Shuri asked.

"Is the mental image of a giraffe with big tits turning you on?" Peter asked.

"Miles is a deadass furry." Harley said.

"No! To all three of those!" Miles exclaimed.

"Don't be ashamed, my friend." Shuri placed a hand on Miles' shoulder. "We don't judge here."

"She's lying."

"We will judge you harshly."

"Boys!" Shuri hissed at Harley and Peter. "Don't listen to them, Miles. We'll respect you and your big titty giraffe gf."

"I hate you all." Miles sighed.

"You'll finally be able to live out your dream of being squashed in a volumptuious pair of breasts!" Peter exclaimed.

"Never use 'volumptuious' and 'breasts' in the same sentence ever again." Shuri ordered harshly.

"Yes ma'am!" Peter gave a tight salute.

"Giraffes have long ass tongues, right?" Harley asked. "So like, kissing one must be a wild experience."

"Oh my god! Could you deep throat a giraffe tongue?" Miles asked.

"If your gag reflex is nonexistent." Shuri shrugged.

"You sound like you speak from experience." Peter said. "There are giraffes in Wakanda, right?"

"Do you want to die?" Shuri asked.

"I mean, I don't know how we didn't see Miles' attraction to giraffes earlier." Harley shrugged. "He practically froths at the mouth whenever we watch Madagascar."

"I do not!" Miles exclaimed.

"We see the way you look at Melvin." Shuri smirked. "Hand reaching down your pants, your eyes cloudy with lust."

"What the actual fuck?" Miles asked.

"If you smelt it, you delt it." Peter shrugged.

"That has nothing to do with this conversation." Miles said.

"He's a little slow." Harley gave Peter a pat on the head.

"Hey!"

A/N:

My humor is top quality.

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