Hermitcraft Season 6 oneshots (mostly songfics and angst)

how do you feel?

this is basically a rant for me and an explanation of why I do what I do. this is why I'm so weird sometimes. my anxiety had been worst lately and I don't know what to do. I just wanted to have an explanation in story form so I don't have another rant chapter.

setting: IRL and hermitcraft is a job...? something like that and English isn't Scar's first language. Scar also has a busted knee so he can't run also he has braces and glasses.

Scar has been avoiding everyone for a long time. he has his reasons, he liked the hermits and hermitcraft but he feels like he's being judged every time he does something. Scar still acts normal and didn't do anything to show that he had anxiety even though sometimes he drops hint to Cub indicating that he has anxiety but Cub never said anything so Scar thought that Cub didn't care.

he wasn't always like this. he was happy once, without worrying about everything he does and he was carefree. but then he went to a building school with Grian, false and a few of his other friends. they became closer and closer and so their jokes became more and more insulting. of course, they didn't mean for them to be insulting but Scar still took it personally. and everything he says anything wrong or pronounced anything wrong they laughed at him. he was sure it was friendly and they didn't mean anything bad but he still tried to be better, not to say anything wrong, but he always had someday he just tripped over his words and would be laughed at.

his words weren't the only he was laughed at. Scar also can't run without hurting his knee, but his friends always said "whoever is last to get to -- is the loser!" and they would all run and leave Scar behind. the first few times they did that Scar tried to tell them about his knee but no one listened or cared so he tried. he really tried to run despite his leg hurting like heck. but he was still last. always, that never changed.

it was all ok. Scar thought, but the more and more they got into the friendships he felt like he was being targeted as a joke. after years and years of being laugh at, he realized he wasn't himself anymore. he didn't act like himself and he didn't speak like himself. but somehow that made his friends like him more because he was funny and outgoing. but that wasn't Scar. he only acted like himself when he was alone on his bed crying and thinking about everything he did in the day and everything he did he thought of all the worst scenarios of ending and all the bad things other people would think about him. 

Scar was broken but none of his friends knew. not even his parents, he didn't feel like his parents were any better than his friends. they were always yelling at him for any small things he did wrong, making Scar's tiny self-esteem even smaller. after a while Scar had developed depression. he didn't tell anyone of course. no one would care about him anyway so why try to impress people? Scar always thought that in his year of school, everyone that came on his way always made his point more clear. after school, he got a job invitation for Hermitcraft. Scar was hesitant to join because he thought he would do everything wrong and the others will laugh at him. but he did anyway.

after Scar had joined Hermitcraft and tried to fit in it kind of worked. he made a good friend called Cub (I do not have a "cub" in my life, this is just here for the plot lol). he was different because he didn't laugh at him when he tripped over his word or when he fell because of his knee. but despite all this, his anxiety still grew more and it was slowly crushing him.

after a while Scar was thinking about giving up in general. he didn't want to live anymore with all this burden on his back. he was apologizing for everything he did and then regret on his apologies because he thought the others would think it was wried. so, in the end, he just locked himself deep inside him and Scar was a whole new person that he didn't know. 

hey peeps. I hope you can understand where I'm coming from. and please excuse me when I apologize too much and the apologizs for apologizing. kk, this is all for me. bai.

-anxiety Stuffy :)