Color

Hundred Thirty Three

Scott and Mitch sat together on the floor, leaning their backs against the smaller couch. 

They shared a blanket over their legs, with Scott throwing an arm over Mitch's shoulders, and Mitch cradling a warm cup of tea in his hands. 

The rest of them also sat on the floor, with Avi sitting the closest to Scott, with their backs against the larger couch. 

Alex sat in between the other two, with two bottles of water in front of him. 

Kirstie had wrapped herself up in her blanket, with it over her shoulders and around her torso. 

Alex leaned his head on Avi's shoulder, and tossed a blanket over their legs as well. "So who wants to go first? Also I love all of you so much."

Kirstie spoke, after nobody answered for a few seconds. "I mean, I can go. You guys already pretty much know the story with Kyle, but. I just feel like I gotta talk about it a little more, if that's cool?"

Mitch nodded immediately. "Please do."

"Okay, well.. I know you're all overprotective of me, because I'm the only girl in the group and that's how it works. But, y'know. I just want you all to know that I never worried about anything happening to me, because I knew I had all of you to support me."

Alex smiled tiredly. "That's correct, Kitty."

"And also... Scott, I'm so sorry for how I acted around you. It was so unfair for me to pick up smoking, and practically shove it in your face. I know how hard you worked to overcome that, and... It was super cruel of me to do that."

Scott's eyes were a little wide, like he never expected to hear that. "Oh... Means a lot to me that you'd say that. But, y'know, all is forgiven. I still love ya."

She smiled widely back at him. "Also, just so you guys are aware, Kyle was so, so jealous that I had so many male friends. Which really just means he didn't trust me around you guys, so, I should've seen that warning sign right away."

Mitch hummed. "Still sorry it didn't work out, honey... But you can do so much better. You're so gorgeous, and absolutely brilliant, and funny and light-hearted. I just.. I can see you doing so much better."

"Aw, thank you." Kirstie realized she felt a lot better about herself, and she wrapped the blanket even tighter around herself. "Alright, I think I'm good." 

Mitch suddenly nudged Scott with his shoulder, hoping if Scott spoke that Avi would be more comfortable to do so. "Why don't you go next, baby?"

Scott just shrugged. "Sure. I mean, you guys know about all the stuff in my past for the most part, so I'm not really sure what to say."

Alex spoke quietly, from where he was cuddled up to Avi's side. "Sorry, I don't know if I can ask questions during therapy time. But like... We know about what those horrible men did to you. But maybe can you talk about what it was like when your mom left?"

Avi was quick to be defensive, still not used to the process. "That's a really hard thing to talk about, Lexi. Maybe ask something else."

Scott took a deep, encouraging breath. "No, that's fine. I mean, I don't talk about it, but maybe it will help me get over it to say it out loud, y'know?"

Mitch spoke to him softly. "Just... Only as much as you wanna share, okay?"

Scott nodded once, and stared across the room so he wouldn't meet anybody's eyes. "Well, let's see... She left when I was close to ten years old. And we didn't really talk about it. I mean, there were days when I watched Rick throw her around, and treat her like shit. But I don't know when she hit the breaking point, and just up and left."

Mitch placed a hand on Scott's upper thigh. "She didn't tell you before she went?"

"Well, not really. Just that... She needed to find something better. But I didn't know what she meant, I was too young. But... Her breaking point, like, influenced Rick's breaking point, and he was like the absolute worst after that."

Mitch frowned up at him. "I'm so sorry, honey... He was real awful to you after that, huh?" He asked the question gently, as if it would hurt any less.

Scott took another deep breath, trying to decide how to answer that. "Yeah. He kept trying to tell me that it was my fault. It was all my fault. And I believed him for a little while... Punished myself, as if he wasn't punishing me enough. Y'know?"

His words were so hollow, as if the pain was too much to even be heard. 

Avi suddenly grit his teeth, speaking through it like it hurt him. "I was so pissed at you for that, dude. There's no fuckin' way any of that shit was your fault. And it killed me to see you being so hard on yourself."

Scott just nodded, but still didn't look at him. "I know. I just didn't know how to make the pain stop, and I didn't have anyone to turn to."

Avi suddenly hid his face with his hands, feeling tears well up in his eyes. "Ugh, I can't believe you guys used to do this shit all the time together. This is so depressing."

Scott cracked a very small smile. "Sorry... Just my life, dude. Your mom really got me through it, all those times I went to your house. I just... You understood me so well, man. You'd been there, just like I had."

Avi shook his head slowly, still hiding it in his hands. "But I knew it wasn't my fault, Scott." He snapped Scott's name, again deflecting the subject from himself.

Alex spoke again, moving his head enough to look at Avi. "What was it like for you, then?"

Avi didn't speak for a few moments, and then spoke in a shaky voice. "I loved my father, with my entire heart. I would've given anything..."

Alex gave him a few seconds to continue, but when he didn't, Alex turned just enough to hug him. "Oh, honey..."

"Sorry, I-- I've moved on, right? I've accepted that he's gone. But thinking about how good things were before he left, is so, so hard." He took a deep breath, and it almost sounded like it hurt. "My family was so happy."

Scott felt tears in his own eyes, hearing these words from someone he cared about so much.

"He just... He was gone so suddenly, and... I couldn't find that happiness for so long, I started to forget what it even felt like. And... My mom could only do so much to protect me from myself, y'know? I turned cold, and I shut everyone out, because... I didn't ever want to feel so happy, to have it ripped away like that. Not ever again."

**